Would you forget birthdate?

Bufflum,I had forgotten about the drugs they were given in those days.They made them forget things.Some special drugs were given to moms of adoption but not married moms keeping the baby. Maybe to be kind~or maybe NOT.;~((

I have not met my b-mom, but during the first conversation with my b-grandparents my grandmother asked me if my b-day was Nov. 14, 1973. She got it right. I was thrilled to know at least someone remembered.

I am a birthmom and I had the date of my son's birthday off by three days. It was so traumatic for me, I had a great fear that something was wrong with him and no one was telling me. I was a little older too, but circumstances in regard to my family and the birth father's family put me in that terrible situation. I had to take anti-depressants at that time, and had a very rough time for awhile. I somehow implanted the date three days later, which was the date I actually signed the papers to have him placed. My birthson and I have found each other, and I can honestly tell you, I have a very deep love for him, and am so grateful for having him in my life. I feel my life is now complete for the first time in 35 years (he is 35). I love him every bit as much as my other two children, and I fully intend to give him every benefit I give my other two children from now on. I am working on the feeling I have that I have to make these years up to him, even though intellectually I know he had a very good life and has two very wonderful adoptive parents. A mother is a mother always, even if she isn't with her birth child. The spiritual ties are always there. It is possible to get mixed up on the date. Stress and pain can do strange things to a person's mind. Hope this helps.

[FONT="Georgia"]Given the birth of my son was the most traumatic and heart wrenching event of my life, how could I not forget his birth date? And yet when we were reunited a year and a half ago, I found out that what I thought was his actual birthdate was off by a week, based on the adoption records provided and I had been wrong for 26 years! If you think about it, its probably not surprising. My son arrived by way of an emergency c-section where I was put out completely, so his birth was a haze of anesthetic and drugs. I didn't have any family with me to welcome him during his birth and as I was never supposed to speak of his existence with my family, there were no birthday celebrations or cakes or parties. However, being off by a week does not diminish my love for him or how I feel about him. And heck, its been a year and a half since our reunion and he hasn't even asked when my birthday is! (fortunately I was able to catch his on his actual date!)[/FONT]:banana:

I am finding it is not uncommen to lose the birthdate since it is such an emotional time. I could not remember the day the year or even what season it was. I had a rough estimate of the time frame. I then found out that with post traumatic stress disorder this can occur and have found other information to support this. I would recommend to others with the same trouble get copies of your medical records. Now I have a date!

just want you all to know, i am weeping as i write this. this thread has been of such comfort to me. all the guilt, pain, and shame has been covered for so many years (38!). i never thought i would forget his birthday, but yrs ago when i started filling out reunion forms and inquiries only then did i realize how much of my memory was gone. but now i realize that the big lie i have been living for so long has resulted in nothing less than an entire block of my life being fogged over and shrouded. i am not allowed to speak of "that time". my loving husband, for his own reasons, walked away from me when i first told him about my bson. i know he loves me, he is a kind and generous man, but for some reason the whole issue brings him nothing but torment and pain. i have caused enough pain for enough people to last several lifetimes, but my son has a right to know our family if he ever wishes to make contact. i have always felt he has no desire to, and i understand. but still he has the right, so i have to do whatever i can to find him. after my first attempts to find him one thing that kept me paralyzed with grief for so long was the realization that even his birth date, the name of the hospital, the agency - all was lost to me. what kind of person can forget so much? well now i feel better knowing at least i am not alone behind this wall, and making the first tentative steps (again) has been so much easier because of all of you. thank you.

Dear hopefulcathy,Welcome. Maybe I was lucky... D was born on my birthday (hard to forget that one!) Try not to beat yourself up over your memory loss. Many bmoms suffer from what we call post-traumatic stress syndrome. I have also been lucky in that it was not a secret in my family (although it was NOT talked about much). After I found D, my husband commented that he had always expected the phone to ring or the doorbell and it would be D. (D is not his son, btw). Your son may be like mine - he expected me to find him while I felt he would find me if he wanted to know anything (and made a couple failed attempts to make it possible for him). I do not know the name of the agency - when he went looking it had closed. Good luck in your search.

I feel for everyone although I am the opposite, I remember the exact day, hour and minute my son was born - maybe because I knew my parents/boyfriend would not "let" me "keep" him. 11:34 p.m. July 19, 1980. I can still hear his first sounds. I am fortunate that he has made some effort to contact me - 27 years later, I promised since I was so weak early on that I wouldn't intrude on his life - but we'll see how it goes from here. It is so sad to read all the posts, both bmoms and adoptees, and I hope I now can have the strength that everyone "thought" I had back then. In reunion, I am just realizing what many of you have already experienced. I feel your pain and I realize now, whether you remember or forget the details, we all have a lot to overcome. It is all of you that helps me face each day. God bless.

On my best days, I consider that I'm on a journey of discovery with D. As I have posted, the pain and sadness (grief really) of relinquishment have returned in a different way and so I continue that grief work. I also delight in an adult who wants me to be part of his life even with all the baggage we bring to the relationship. It eases my heart to see (and have) pictures of his growing up years. I'm still waiting for a promised picture of his as an infant in his parents' arms. Unfortunately Keds, my doctor made sure I was unconscious when D was born so I couldn't see him - it would be best for me you know - therefore I didn't hear his first cry. Apparently none of the medcical staff, sw, etc, were able to comprehend that my decision was a carefully considered one, made because I cared deeply about him and what I believed was best for him,

Well I agree that if you love/d someone that much that you could not forget their birthdate. But my niece and nephew has been in their current foster home for the past three years and she stated that she LOVES THEM LIKE HER OWN AND WANTS TO ADOPT THEM but yet she can not remember his birthdate it was also off by a year she thought that he was a year older then what he was and even after she was told she was still not sure. I have and will never forget the birthdates of my nieces and nephew who were lost to the system. I know how you feel

dede If you read the thread postings on the previous pages you will see that at least 30% of birthmothers DID have the birthdays wrong - I found out 33 years afterwards that I too had the wrong date. Love can't be judged by remembering birthdays - Love just is. I have no idea of your family's situation with neice and nephew but hope that somehow everyone pulls together so they can have some permanency in their life in a loving and caring family. ps - I have a 32 and 30 year old children who I often have to stop and think ...."Now how old are they". To me they are always so much younger than they really are. Ann

Hi there, as most of you know me, I am not to judge. I only remember every detail as I was blessed or cursed with a great memory. I think we remember that which we are capable of handling therefore I will never forgot anything about my bson. Those that don't wish them peace as I feel they are worse off as they went through the same journey as I but were protected. for one reason or another, from the devestation that is not knowing.

I know I was traumatized by my sons birth and relinquishment.. They drugged me for the birth so I did not see him being born.. I was out cold.. I did not see him.. I did not hold him.. that was the policy back then.. I forgot as best I could.. I did not speak about him.. I did not speak about the relinquishment.. When I finally found his birth date I started to grieve the loss.. I had to call the agency and ask.. Jackie

Do you all remember the song, "Memories"? One line (that always pops into my head first) is "What's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget." I suspect that even when our minds don't remember the exact date, our bodies do! That's why many of us (and not just bparents) find different times of the year to be difficult. There are dates I remember easily and others I don't. Of my various nieces and nephews (whom I love) I can only be definite about 2 of the dates: one is a niece born July 2, the other a nephew born July 16. (and that's because of the birthdates of S & J). I will usually be very close for the rest. It doesn't mean I love them any less. I was just thinking (dangerous!!!) that D was born on my birthday which makes it hard to forget, but given the way labor goes he could easily have been born on the next day (the actual birth was about 10pm) and I would still have thought he was born on the 4th. I certainly wasn't watching the clock at that point! Again, that wouldn't mean I love him any less, even if I had the date wrong.

Did you ever find your Son? My Husband was adopted and we are searching for his biological family.