advice and love

Suzy, I am the birthmother of a son who I placed for adoption 13 years ago; also the mother of an 11-year-old son who I am raising. I understand the difficult decision you are facing, and some of the conflicting emotions you must be experiencing. I have no real "advice" because every situation is different and only you can make the final decision of whether or not to place your child. But I am willing to listen and offer support, whatever you decide. Feel free to contact me at chorizocat@hotmail.com if you want to talk. Best of luck to you, ~ Sharon

Suzyq7, My advice to you is to read as much as you can along this board and all over the internet. Read what birthmothers have experienced, how adoptees feel and gain a view of adoptive parents. The decisions you face are yours to live with for the rest of your life and the more you know, the better able you will be to make an INFORMED decision. If you decide that adoption is the way you wish to go, I would suggest gaining information on "open" and "closed" adoption so you know specifically what they mean. You can also gain a lot of information on that by way of the internet. I'd like to ask why you are debating whether or not you can handle a third child? Is it financial or emotional? There are a lot of resources available to you depending on what state you live in. The support systems for women and children have gotten better over the years. Whatever your decision, just be sure it is YOUR OWN and not swayed by undo influences for or against either alternative. This decision is forever and it is a huge one, let it come from your heart, no one elses! Love

Are you a single mom or married? Do you have parents and/or inlaws, extended family or friends to whom you can turn for emotional support? Financial situations in life are temporary and can change dramatically. Can you trim excess from your lifestyle now to accomodate for this new child's needs? If you find yourself to be more stable and comfortable in a few months or years, how will you view your decision at that time? Is there family to whom you can turn for temporary financial help? What are the ages of your children? How will they feel now or later if you place your their brother or sister? How will your third child feel if and when he/she learns of older siblings whom you raised? Just some questions to consider. May God bless and give you peace. Julie

Hey there Suzyq7, I am going to be up front with you and let you know that I am not a birth mom of adopted children anyway. I have bio-children. And I don't know if you are a christian of not. And it is not any of my bussiness. But I am, and I believe that if you pray and ask God to help you in your situation he will. And to tell you the truth I think that the women that are able to admit that they can not give their child everything (food, shelter,and most of all the love) that they need, are the bravest women in the world. But this is just my opion. But think that God would totally agree with me. I just felt that God lead me to write these things to you.. Dear Lord, I Pray this day that you will reach out with your loving, and caring hands and touch suzyq7. I don't have any idea who she is or even where she is on this day. But Lord you know all, and you know her heart. You also know what is best. I pray that you will lead and guide her in her decesion, and give her peace to let your will be done in here families life. In Jesus name I pray Amen. I will keep you in my prayers if you don't mind... ;) ;)

I am currently engaged and i just had a baby 3 months ago. Finantially im afraid to not make it and i dont want to ruin the lives of 3 children. I want all my children to have in life the things they need and want. And emotionally im going through alot.

Suzyq, love the name, my hubby calls me that :). I can't imagine what you are going through right now, I've never had to face a decision like that. Use the resources you have on the internet to get as much information as you can. See if there is any financial help available to you, and listen hard to your heart before you make any kind of a decision. You don't want to do anything you may later come to regret. Soul Whisper had good advice about reading through this site, and others like it to get a feel for what you would feel if you placed, how adoptees feel, and to learn more about adoptive parents. There are good and bad stories out there, but you should know both sides before you make any kind of a decision. As Sharon said, no one can tell you how you will feel, since we are all different, but try and get an idea of some others story to help you see all sides. I KNOW I'm going to get yelled at for this and probably told I'm causing problems, but statements like this: "And to tell you the truth I think that the women that are able to admit that they can not give their child everything (food, shelter,and most of all the love) that they need, are the bravest women in the world." really bother me. It is implying that she can't love this child and that's she selfish if she tries to raise this child because it means she won't "admit" she can't care for him/her. Maybe she can and just hasn't thought it all out yet, and maybe she can't, but a statement like that puts an awful lot of emotional strain on someone. Sorry, JMHO.

Hello Everyone, Let me introduce myself. I'm new to this group. I'm looking for answers. Support too. I'm 37. I have 3 adopted children ages 10,16 and 25. After 18 years of Foster Care I was blessed with 2 pregnancies. They were tough and I had a hard time because of diabetes. However I've thought of doing it again. Not because of having one of my own. But just to have a child a could protect from the start. I feel so bad I couldn't save my other children from the years of abuse they suffered. If you ever find yourself needing to find a home for your child. There are so many loving wonderful homes waiting. I was told I couldn't have any. So I took in other children. Some really tough kids too. BUt they were mine while they were there. And most still come see me, and call. I think giving your child up for adoption is the bravest thing a mother could ever do. There is no scrafice greater. And nowadays you can meet them, ask for pictures sent as they grow and little reports here and there. It could be a wonderful thing. For both of you. Bright Blessings to you all. Rev Michele Live Long, Laugh Often, Love Always

Is there no way to get get help from benifits from the government? It quite likely a few years down the line you will not have financial worries and then everything will be ok and the struggle of a few years will seem worth it!