whats important?

There were so many things I took into consideration when I decided to place my child. First, I wanted a couple that was tall in stature. I am very tall, and her father is also pretty tallI was also adopted, and my adoptive parents were both under 5Œ8, I am over 6 so everyone was always commenting on the difference. Secondly, I asked a lot of questions about why they wanted to adopt. I asked about their infertility, and we talked about their failed pregnancies and such. I wanted to make sure that my daughter wasnҒt just a band aide to replace the biological child that they really wantedthat was really important to me. We also talked about their likelihood of having biological childrenŅsomething else I felt passionately about. To me, having biological children, and then adopting is a whole lot different than failing at fertility treatments, then choosing to adoptthen having a biological child. Again, it was because of my own personal experiences that I used this as criteria. Thirdly, I met with them. A lot. Frequently. I met their friends, other members of their family, and attended their church with them a few times. Granted, the agency did their work and allŅbut this was my child we were talking aboutI had to be comfortable. Her parents had NO problem at all with the reassurance I sought. In fact, years later, when we talked about it, she thought that it was the most wonderful part of the experience. She said she could tell I really cared about the well being of my child, and she felt blessed to be considered to parent her. I wasnŒt concerned about their home, their cars, or their jobs. I wanted to make sure they were the kind of people I would want raising my child. Money buys a lot of things, but it doesnt buy love. I also invited, and encouraged my daughterҒs mom to participate in my doctors visits, and other pregnancy related appointments. I just donҒt think I could have placed my daughter with parents I wasnt 120% comfortable with, so I made sure I was at least that comfortable, even if that meant asking some hard questions҅ I think the reason I was so picky, and even invasive, with my choice, is because of my own failed adoption. Good luck!

I don't think it matters what was important to others. If you are looking for adoptive parents--decide what is important to you. Do you want an open adoption with the possiblity of visits?, semi-open with letters and pictures or closed with no further contact. Do you want a stay at home mom or a mother with a career/education, do you want a stay at home father. Is there income important? Do you want your child to grow up in the city or the country? Do you want them to have children or for your child to be a first child? Do you want this baby to have a family life similar to your own childhood or completely different? I know that I have just listed questions that you are already asking your self, but I truly believe that there is a perfect family that will put your mind at ease, because I am sure that what is important to one birthmom may even seem trivial to another birthmom. I think you will know in your heart one you have found your perfect family. God bless you in your descion and search Cristy gregram@prodigy.net

Hi, I'm a adoptive mom to be. I pesonaly if I was looking for a couple would ask alot of questions and listen to there responses. I know that in my heart one day we will find the bmom of our dreams. I as a amom would ask alot of questions to the bmom. Be open to what you are looking for and don't let anyone lead you anywhere else. You are the one that is able to give this child life you know what your expectations are and stay very strong on your beliefs. I know as I've lost several babies to infertility issues. I know the loss feeling you will feel one day. I know you may be doing what is best for your child, but just know it never goes away. The feeling you have of that little human being inside you moving and kicking. I would try and be very open to what I was looking for and stick with it. Have in your mind the kind of life you want for your baby. Because the afamily should be open and willing to accept your wishes. I know in my heart I could never be able to thak the b parents enough. You should have that same feeling about them after meeting and talking to them and if you don't then maybe sit back and take another look or ask someone for advise to reasure you. God Bless you and I hope all works out for youl SLS

When I was choosing adoptive parents, I had ideas about what I though was important. Some of them were: Religion-I was raised Lutheran, Birthdad was raised Jewish, but neither of us were very strict. We wanted birthparents who had similar beliefs. Other Children-We wanted our birthdaughter to be the first child in the family, but we did interview a couple who already had a child. (We ended up choosing a couple without children.) Openness-I was absolutely certain that I wanted a fully disclosed, completely open relationship. This was something I wasn't willing to compromise on. So, even though I went into the selection process with those ideas, the real reason I chose the parents I chose is because of the amazing connection between all of us that sparked during the first meeting about five weeks before the baby was born. That connection eased my fears and worries and the fact that they trusted me enough to invite me to their house before the baby was born cemented the decision that they were the ones.

Courtney I cannot imagine any adoptive couple out here who would not want your baby to know how much you love them and that you did what was best for them and that your decision was based on your unselfish love that you have for this precious little one. You will know in your heart and your instincts will tell you also which couple is genuinely sincere and honest in the answers you are looking for. I am a hopeful adoptive mom, I say hopeful because right now and for last month we have had a baby with us, his bmom had chosen us months ago, his bdad at first did not agree and than came around to realizing adoption was the best option. Well the baby was born Nov 5th, we were all together at the hospital, I was in there, cut the cord and held our son and I can tell you all the tears I have cried over the last 2 1/2 yrs of our adoption journey were worth it when I felt him in my arms, but our happiness may soon be over...... as the bdad decided out of a spiteful revenge to the bmom that he withdrew his consent, well our attorneys all said no problem because bdad would have to come to PA to fight it... only problem is that we cannot bring the baby home to PA, we have clearance from Va., but no clearance from PA and now to top it all off bdad is taking us to court for custody. What appauls me even more is that he claims he loves his child well than why make this precious little one appear in a court room in Feb?!?!?! This bdad has no means of support and intends to get custody to give the baby to his parents who live on the west coast and he is on the east. We have been upfront and honest with the bmom for the last several months and have developed a family relationship with her, even though we still stand a 50/50 chance of losing this baby boy he will always be in our hearts and lives. This bmom and I chose the name together also. We cannot find the right words to tell her how much we love her and thank her for trusting us enough to raise her son, even if only for a couple months, which will tear our hearts out, but we know one day again it will happen. You will find the same kind of honesty and both you and the adoptive couple need to make each others wishes known... it can happen. Follow your heart........ if you ever need to chat feel free to write me at Poogiebr@ptd.net and do not take this as any type of solicitation... it is only an offer of friendship and support and this offer is open to all birthparents and adoptive parents too!! Jen