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Hello. This is my first time on adoption forums. I am looking for some advice and this is the best place I can think of to get it. I have recently been contacted by my birthmother after turning 21 years old. We have exchanged letters. After receiving the first letter, I told my adoptive parents that we had been in contact. As a result, they began to tell my information that they had not offered before, including confirming to me my suspicions that my birthmother was raped. Even though I was sure this was the case, hearing them say it to me has made me very upset. I am angry most of all. Angry that the stupid bastard raped my mother. Angry that no one told me earlier. And angry that my birth mother now has to tell me word-for-word what happened to her all those years ago. Thanks for listening. Perhaps you could offer some advice.
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Kelly.....that is a very hard thing to hear, and my heart goes out to YOU!!!! Please Know and understand that your bmom loves you. You are her bdaughter, and Yes what happen to her is tragic and disturbing for you to hear and her to think about. From what I have seen in the past though most bmoms seperate the rape and the child. Go easy on your aparents.....being in their place it would have been hard to tell you any earlier. What I don't understand is why would they tell you Right After Contact With Your Bmom????? It is hard to understand why people do things they do???? Please don't take any of it personally.....All of your answers will come hopefully. God knows you deserve the truth!!!!;) Hang Tight for the ride of Reunion.....Be ready for all the emotions to consume you at times. It is all perfectly normal, and most assuredly hard to take!!!!!! My thoughts and Prayers are with you!!!! Staci :D
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kellylancaster Who you are has nothing to do with how you came into being. I believe that rape is a power trip.. A power trip mixed up with sex.. Someone was messed with and then that someone messes with someone else.. Maybe a way out of this is to learn about why rape happens.. I believe your birth mom will tell you what happened if she can. It may take her some time.. I have a feeling it will be healing for her as well.. Telling someone really helps.. I am so very very sorry you are going through this.. This must be awful for you. Jackie
Thank you! Would appreciate it. Our new forums are set up just like these (in fact, I just linked these forums to show them how they're supposed to work). It's just that sometimes the issues of race/incest conception go beyond traditional "adoption support needs". Feel free to visit - particularly the sections about linking and exchanging links, and the FAQ, (which I need to update), and let me know if you have any questions about the group. Jennifer
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I am truely sorry about how you feel now. I want to tell you that it may be hard on you, but take time to think about your Birth Mom and how she feels. She has to live this everyday of her life....I am sure she loves you or she would of never took time to find you...What you need to do is be there for one another, she needs you as much as I am sure you need her. Her case is not a easy one...and it is just as hard on her. Give her a chance, we all deserve second chances in life....If you need a friend to talk to I am on yahoo okay...My prayers go out to you!
kellylancaster
Even though I was sure this was the case, hearing them say it to me has made me very upset. I am angry most of all. Angry that the stupid bastard raped my mother. Angry that no one told me earlier. And angry that my birth mother now has to tell me word-for-word what happened to her all those years ago.
Hello. I can understand your anger. Especially since the truth was not told soon enough and the way it was told. I hope I can be of some comfort without seeming not to care, because I do. I thought about people that were born due to a raping. Just one day for no reason, then I thought through out the history of man everyone can be a product of rape. I mean somewhere down the family tree maybe even way back someone must of been raped. ANy family tree so I think we are somehow a product of rape although not directly. I hope that makes some sense. I wish you warmth and keep your head up you are somebody no matter what. Pick up and go forward. Greetings.Mechille
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Hi Kelly, I, too, was born from rape... so I hope I can be of some help. First - How you came to be, has nothing to do with who you will be or who you are. Secondly - The very fact that your birth mother contacted you, would indicate she has "dealt" with the rape, at least to the best of her ability, and her concern is for you. Her desire and effort to establish contact shows she views you as a positive person in her future, rather than a negative experience from her past. When she made the decision to carry her pregnancy to term and place you for adoption, I'm sure she thought she was doing what was best for all concerned, at the time. And last - I know you probably feel your adopted parents should have told you sooner, but please know that they only had your best interest at heart. There is no "good or right time" to tell a child he/she was born from rape, so when you told them about the letters, they probably felt "the time" is now. A young child doesn't even understand making love or sex, how could one explain rape, and to tell during the teenage years... those years are filled with mixed emotions of self-discovery, to tell then may be damaging to their sense of self-worth. I know you are upset, angry and confused, understandably so, this is a lot to deal with, but in time you'll find peace. Take your time, move at a pace that is comfortable for you, if you have question... ask, if you're not ready to discuss certain things, don't be afraid to say so. I am adopted, married and mother of 5. I have met my birth mother AND by birth father, (long story) so if I can be of any help or you just want to talk with someone who has been there, feel free to contact me. Take Care.