Advertisements
I am from South Florida and after three months of being matched with a birthmom the day after birth she changed her mind. We naively just spent over $27,000 dollars and are now left with few options. After dealing with the disappointment we are now feeling very negative and distrustful of the whole process. We originally went with the agency because a friend had adopted two different times with them and we just trusted in whatever we were told. Now we don't know if the amount we paid for expenses to birthmom, agency.... were all in line. We were told it is standard to pay for four to five months of expenses including rent, auto expense, medical, entertainment, telephone, travel and transportation. We paid for counseling yet counseling according to the social worker was not until after leaving the hospital.
Now we are told we will pretty much never receive repayment from the birthparents who lived off of us for all those months and only receive one third of the agency fee back. Please any advice would be appreciated. I don't know if this is all standard or if this is pretty much what we can expect. If anyone has any recommendations please write back. Thanks!
Like
Share
First I am so very sorry for your loss here, it is so hard when this happens.
When prospective adoptive parents offer to pay living, legal and medical expenses, the law views this as an act of charity that is not re-payable. While there are many situations that involve requests from prospective birth families for help with living, medical and legal expenses, there are many that don't, especially in states where the laws are more limited as to what a prospective adoptive parent may help with. So I can't say whether it's 'standard' as I've seen so many where there's been no need for or desire for help with these expenses.
I will say that courts do look askance at anything beyond basic living expenses - rent/mortgage, food, utilities - as part of any assistance. This may differ in Florida, however I would say that in almost any state paying for 'entertainment' and non-medically related travel would be out of the ordinary.
It is very normal and IMHO wise to offer and pay for counseling prior to birth to help pbparents work through their adoption plan and emotions surrounding it. I would NOT expect an agency to provide otherwise, and many agency services are 'until you recieve a placement' - for instance, the cost for homestudy, your counseling, etc.
Regardless, when a child is born, a pbparent must re-make their adoption decision, and unfortunately for paparents there are times when the decision is for them to parent.
I'd give yourselves time to grieve your loss, then consider searching again. If you're not comfortable with what transpired with this agency, than consider another. If you're not comfortable offering assistance with certain expenses, then say so up-front. Yes, there may be situations you'll 'pass' on as a result (we did), but as you've so painfully seen, helping or not helping with expenses does not really influence whether a pbfamily chooses to parent or place.
IMHO, please know you're in my prayers tonight.
Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas
Advertisements