Note from principal/Conference

Always keep in mind that 'school people' will usually make it all your fault and talk down to you about problems...... They want to see you jump through hoops to resolve issues before it bacomes a bigger problem for them........ ~~~not to say this is the wrong approach on their part because the truth is many children do not have structure at home so--the school is first going to make you responsible. My attitude in dealing with the school is to ramain confident in what I do as a parent....... All children have the right to be educated and if they cannot accomidate your child in the regular class room setting then the School is responsible for finding a setting they can educated your child in...... I wouls continue to tell the school that you do not have these problems in the home.....that you are able to maintain structure and control at home and that apparently the school is not able to provide the same structure....I would tell the school that you can only do so much and that it is their responsibility to help you. Ask for special services and insist that your childs needs are met

yes anna...they do try to make it your fault and push the meds..like they are going to solve everything he will be ok .. does he have special ed ..one on one to help him finish the work? if not ...ask for him to be evaluated ... anyone can get into special ed one on one help. why did he hit the other child? he need to be with a therapist that will help him use his words.... dont worry ...he will be fine.. talk to your pediatrician and go see people he suggest then go back to the school armed with information

If I were in your position I would ask for a functional behavior assesment. Meds and behavior modification is often an easy answer, but I don't think it is ever a good answer. I work with an occupational therapist with one of my kids and she has told me over and over, negative behaviors always are related to something. Maybe there is something that is too stressful in his enviornment, maybe he is having delays in an area or two. but I doubt he just hits kids for the heck of it. Have them tell you what was going on in his day that he got to the point where he hit a kid. Or where was the teacher, was he supervised appropriately? Don't let them make you feel like a bad parent. Good luck

Or a birth child? You don't have to put a child on meds just becuase the school suggests it. The kid is just five. Even if he is your bio-child, drugging him is a very big step that can impact his life forever and keep him from getting high level positions in the military, etc... After teaching special ed for 7 years I stopped because I was fed up with standards of learning and the push to drug every little problem.... If environmental changes have taken place and the kids is doing severe things, (like banging his head severely, bitting chunks out of himself or others, etc... or is very psychotic, then maybe meds are an option) I don't think people can realize that just maybe little 5 year olds are not supposed to spend 10-12 hours a day in large groups of age cohorts with little adult time. This certainly isn't what a newly placed adopted child needs. Stand your ground and stick by your son. If he does have a dx of ADHD then you can at least get a 504 plan (request it in writing) to ensure he gets extra supervision and is not set up in situations he can get into trouble.

There are a number of good suggestions here for you to use. First, I'd agree, that you should mention about your son's Dx and medication. Then you should ask them to have the school psychologist evaluate your child and make classroom recommendations. Remember, the school should be addressing the question of "What should we do?" regards,

Thank you all for your responses. Chris is a foster child I adopted. We've had him since he was 6 months old. He has other siblings (living elsewhere) and most have ADHD also. I have no problem with meds. My husband has ADD so I see how medicine helps. I have asked the teacher if she thinks he should be in special ed-she said no that he can function in a normal classroom setting. I do find that he is very immature though. As far as hitting the child-Chris claims they were playing rough, but he has been known to tell fibs so he doesn't get in trouble. Thank you all again, I wrote my list and I'll bring it with me to the conference.

it is a plan to make special accomodations for a child who has a dx of some kind of a disability, even a less severe one like ADHD You can check out many web sites about this and if you request it in writing then they have to comply. It is like 10 days until an evaluation screening and then the clock starts ticking (but it can take up to six months to get a plan into place) Typical 504 Plans for kids with ADHD include things like extra help getting organized, sitting near the teacher, extra supervision (if that is the problem), sometimes taking test in a quiet area, it depends on what the child is having problems with and what the child needs. It is not special ed, not an IEP, but a 504.... The school will know what it is. a 5 year old hitting another isn't a big deal really, but if they keep calling about a lot of things, then it may be time to worry. At least your son was able to get out of foster care young.

What I find to be working the best is open communication with the teacher. Teachers can't be playing referee all the time, I understand that and BELIEVE ME, I have had several run ins with the school! :mad: This is what we are finding works with our son. He has a sheet that he takes with him to each of his Title I teachers, his PE, music and art teacher, his homeroom teacher. It is called 'the above the line sheet', it is one paper for the whole week. Each teacher is to put an arrow up (for above the line behavior) or an arrow down (for below the line behavior), initial it and if they want they write in something. Son brings it home with him every night, at the end of the evening, I sign it and put an above the line or below the line for how he was that evening. In the morning, I sign it again and put arrow up or down (this is a heads up to the teachers because usually arrow down in the morning follows his mood for the whole day). I follow through at home. If he has mostly arrows up, I praise him and he gets an extra book or something of that sort for the night. If he has several arrow downs, I follow through with discipline at home. Last week, in one day, he yelled at the PE teacher and he threatened to punch a kid in the face. He had to choose a 'discipline' action for each bad behavior (in this case he decided to be grounded from the tv and the computer for a week). His behaviors at home were below the line that evening so I wrote on the paper that he was to stay in from recess and sit in the time-out chair. For the rest of the week, his behaviors were pretty much above the line. I also take into consideration how bad the behavior was and who it occured with. There is one teacher aide that seems to always have an issue with him and they are minor kid stuff things he gets an arrow down for. This has helped along with his meds for ADD and the school is now doing some testing on him to see where he fits for special ed. You are the parent and you have the final say in what you want done with your child!! Good luck!

MNLady: I really like your above the line method and can see this applied in many ways...... Thanks.

This method seems to work very well for son. One of the big things is the follow through at home. He knows if he is bad in school, he will have consequences there and at home, seems to keep him on the up and up. Another thing I do with this above the line thing is this. I try to plan something family orientated for one day on the weekend. Last weekend it was bowling, this weekend the movie "Cat in the hat". If his behaviors at school (and home) have been a steady stream of below the lines, he doesn't get to go to the fun stuff. I will hire a sitter and he will have to stay home and there is no fun stuff with the sitter. This seems to help him have a 'goal' for the weekend and he tries hard to follow rules, not argue with teachers about doing his work and not threaten other students. It also puts the responsibility back onto him so he can learn to be responsible for his own behaviors.

My youngest is ADHD and we started him on meds last year (he's in second grade). We seem to be on an alternating teacher schedule with him - First year was a great teacher, second year was not (she hated him and told me so at the end of the year), third year was GREAT, this year...not so great. This year is a new teacher straight from college who things his meds are a magic pill that will make him do everything exactly right. NOT! :rolleyes: I've found a couple of things have really changed how effective his meds are. The biggest is a minimum 9-10 hours of sleep. We have to get the boys up at 6:00am, so that means a bed time of no later than 8pm. Studies have repeatedly shown that school age kids need 10 hours, and Michael definitely does. Even though he didn't SEEM tired - he has a "bad" day when he doesn't get enough sleep. The second thing we did was to completely change our morning routine. We start by making sure that we are up at least an hour before the kids so WE aren't rushing and irritated. Michael picks up and mirrors our attitude so a rushed morning where everyone is annoyed gets his day off to a bad start. BREAKFAST!! We started including protein in his breakfast (peanut butter on toast, turkey bacon, scrambled eggs). If we had cereal, we also had some toast with peanut butter on it. He LOVES oatmeal! We just give him a couple of slices of bacon to go with it. Top it off with a glass of milk. (Juice doesn't seem to work as well) He gets his meds during breakfast (Adderall XR). This has also made a HUGE improvement in his appetite. We no longer have problems with him not eating. This is particularly important because as an infant he had major issues with weight gain, and he has always been a skinny little boy. We try to make our mornings as routine and calm as possible - calm voices, calm actions, (even when you KNOW you're late! :p ) As far as dealing with the school is concerned. I've been on both sides of the table, and it's not where I like to be in either case. I know how frustrating it is to have his behaviors under control at home, but out of control at school or day care. I think that pointing out you don't have these problems at home is not all that helpful. Bottom line is that school is a COMPLETELY different environment, and our children are VERY susceptible to environment. All the great things educators do to provide an interesting learning environment work against kids with ADHD - there's just so much to distract them! The arrows idea is GREAT - it helps keep the lines of communication open for both of you. I've found that teachers are much more understanding and less easily irritated by Michael's behaviors when they know I'll help them any way I can. Be patient and understanding with everyone, including yourself!

My youngest is ADHD and we started him on meds last year (he's in second grade). We seem to be on an alternating teacher schedule with him - First year was a great teacher, second year was not (she hated him and told me so at the end of the year), third year was GREAT, this year...not so great. This year is a new teacher straight from college who things his meds are a magic pill that will make him do everything exactly right. NOT! :rolleyes: I've found a couple of things have really changed how effective his meds are. The biggest is a minimum 9-10 hours of sleep. We have to get the boys up at 6:00am, so that means a bed time of no later than 8pm. Studies have repeatedly shown that school age kids need 10 hours, and Michael definitely does. Even though he didn't SEEM tired - he has a "bad" day when he doesn't get enough sleep. The second thing we did was to completely change our morning routine. We start by making sure that we are up at least an hour before the kids so WE aren't rushing and irritated. Michael picks up and mirrors our attitude so a rushed morning where everyone is annoyed gets his day off to a bad start. BREAKFAST!! We started including protein in his breakfast (peanut butter on toast, turkey bacon, scrambled eggs). If we had cereal, we also had some toast with peanut butter on it. He LOVES oatmeal! We just give him a couple of slices of bacon to go with it. Top it off with a glass of milk. (Juice doesn't seem to work as well) He gets his meds during breakfast (Adderall XR). This has also made a HUGE improvement in his appetite. We no longer have problems with him not eating. This is particularly important because as an infant he had major issues with weight gain, and he has always been a skinny little boy. We try to make our mornings as routine and calm as possible - calm voices, calm actions, (even when you KNOW you're late! :p ) As far as dealing with the school is concerned. I've been on both sides of the table, and it's not where I like to be in either case. I know how frustrating it is to have his behaviors under control at home, but out of control at school or day care. I think that pointing out you don't have these problems at home is not all that helpful. Bottom line is that school is a COMPLETELY different environment, and our children are VERY susceptible to environment. All the great things educators do to provide an interesting learning environment work against kids with ADHD - there's just so much to distract them! The arrows idea is GREAT - it helps keep the lines of communication open for both of you. I've found that teachers are much more understanding and less easily irritated by Michael's behaviors when they know I'll help them any way I can. Be patient and understanding with everyone, including yourself!

Linda, I sympathize with your problem... by now, you have probably taken care of the situation with your child's teacher and principal, but I wanted to give you my 2 cents worth. A child of 5 years old is starting his or her education. Learning how to get along with other children IS part of education, and a major emphasis in kindergarten. I would begin by asking the teacher and principal what is being done in the classroom and school to help teach students this valueable skill. Put the pressure right back on them, and approach this as a team. Something should be done at school, something should be done at home (and probably already is) and lots of communication should happen to coordinate the two. Education is a shared responsibility. Secondly, I am surprised that your child is already diagnosed with ADHD by the age of 5. In my district (I am an elementary principal) we don't even begin discussing getting a diagnosis until about third grade. Hope things turned out well!

Thank you all for your responses. Well since my 1st post, he has been to the principal's office for a total of 4 times. He was on the verge of suspension. Finally, someone listened to me and we had a meeting today with the school psychologist. She thinks he may have Autism, someone else suggest Asperger's. Who knows? We will take him to a psychologist on the 30th. Seems like the school is taking a little too long. We have been through some very stressful times, but we will make it. As far as ADHD, I have seen it diagnosed in 2 year olds. My son's biological family has ADHD and I've found some schizophrenia too. So this school really makes me mad that they are about to suspend him for something he can't control. Thank you once again for your support. I appreciate you taking the time from your world to help me in mine! :)

hello my name is Stephanie and I just read your post about your situation. I am 32 years old and I have ADD . May I make one suggestion with out offending you and your family? I would suggest someone work one to one with your child. I have worked with children one to one before and it has helped,it made me feel good to reach out to them. what else I would do is gather up information on ADHD and help people understand what it is and what you are going through. if you would like to write me my address is bairkids@inetdirect.net or rassy720032003@yahoo.com I would be glad to help if I can. Sincerely Stephanie Gardner