Tommy has a Temper Tantrum

My daughter's tantrums are usually the result of being corrected -- (don't pull the dog's tail, sweetie), not being picked up when she wants to be or being left in her room for a few minutes when she wants to come along. They usually happen when she's tired or hungry. We are seeing fewer because we don't respond. If, for instance I've left her in her room (with a gate up) and she has a fit, I won't come back in until she stops -- she can see me and I tell her that I won't come back in while she's having a tantrum. Other times, we lay her on her back on the floor (so she's less likely to throw things or hurt herself) and walk away -- completely ignoring her. After a few minutes we come back and say "Are you done." Often she stops. Sometimes she keeps going and we walk away again. We don't try to stop the fit. I think the less attention you pay, the better. We've removed her from restaurants a couple of times when she got fussy, so we don't have the problem any more.

Hi, Your post is proof positive that ignoring behavior often makes the behavior stop! Of course we cannot ignore behavior which will hurt the child or another child/person, but ignoring temper tantrums is the best way to have them stop! thanks for your post ~ and I'd love to hear some other 'stories' and ideas ~ NancyNic

I have a 10 year old stepson that everytime he doesn't get his way on anything gets arguementative, throwshimself on the floor starts screaming, beating his head on the floor, screaming to the top of his lungs about how everyone is out to get him and is ruining his life. He has no friends. When he makes a new friend he is unable to keep a friend because of these temper fits and his need to always be right. He has no social skills. His moods swing from 0-60 in 10 seconds. We have tried time outs, that didn't work. Now we just send him to his room until he is able to come back down stairs and apologize for his behavior. Most of the time he refuses to apologize because he feels he was right so he ends up spending the rest of the evening in his room. We are taking the child to counseling. The counselor suggested taking him to a doctor to have him tested and put on some meds to even out the mood swings but his mother refuses to take him. It takes alot of love and patience to deal with this especailly when his mother underminds everything we do and encourages his behavior. Any suggestions? Terri

Hello Terri, Sounds like a difficult situation. I'm wondering how verbal your step son is. If he is talkative, perhaps, when he is in a 'good' mood or when you are doing something together you might talk to him about how he feels. He may be having problems at school or have some feelings of confusion or jealousy or anger that he needs to get out. If he is frustrated and doesn't have an outlet for his feelings, it may be the reason he has temper tantrums. I wonder how he feels about his teachers, other kids at school. It's difficult for kids to have two homes, and difficult for parents after the visits home. What you say about patience and love is so very important. I hope the counseling will help. Sounds like you are doing the very best you can. all best wishes, Nancy

He deals well with structure! He doesn't seem to have problems with school actually other than having no friends he is a strait A student. The best words I can use to describe him is a drama King! His mother is a former AA and substance abuse user, she thrives on chaos and I am afraid her son does too. He is so verbal that he will get in your face call you a liar and thinks the whole world is out to get him or is against him. He thinks everyone is out to ruin his life and fails to see that he is the only one that controls his own happiness. He put a unloaded bb gun in my childrens face and started screaming he hated them, they are ruining his life and he wished this was a real gun with real bullets so he could pull the trigger and shoot them dead. I've tried talking to the school counselors at his school which completely blew me off until the end of the school year when he told one of the teachers he wished rocks would fall from the sky and kill him. We are talking about a 10 year old. Yet his mother refuses to take him to a doctor and get him tested and put on some meds for these uncontrolable mood swings. He holds grudges for things his own brother and sister did to him for as far back as he can remember and his mother would rather buy his silence than deal with the problems at hand. His father and I are trying to solve the problem at hand but with out continity at both homes its like beating our own head against a wall. Everyone is afraid to rock the boat with the counselor for fear of the fall out of his mother. But a boat that isn't rocking is a boat that isn't going anywhere. Like I said It does take an awful lot of love, patience, and understanding to try to help him overcome this, but it seems like for every step we make forward his mother makes us take 4 steps back. Any advice? Terri

At age 2 1/2 my son had some really impressive temper tantrums. I'm talking about 20 minutes non-stop screaming without any sign of letting up. The second or third time he did it I had quite enough of it. So, I took my dear child, stuck him in the bathtub, clothes, sandals and all and gave him a cold shower. That was the end of his tantrum phase. There were a few half-hearted attempts later. To deal with them all I had to do was look at him and ask if he needed a cold shower again and that was enough to settle the matter. Of course there will be a few people screaming abuse, but, it was summer, he loves to be sprayed with a garden hose when playing outside and I made sure not to get the spray into his face.

When my niece was about 2 she was a champion tantrum thrower. One day, at a nephews bd party she started in. I simply walked over beside her and threw myself on the floor and started right in with her. The look on her face was priceless. She realized how absolutely rediculous she looked and never threw another one again.

Yup, tantrums are an issue with us, tool. We have two fost/adopt daughters now for almost two months. The seven year old is a champion tantrum thrower. There is an increase in tantrums when routines are upset. If she knows we are taking a trip on the weekend, we are guaranteed an escalation both before and after the trip. Keeping to the bedtime, no excuses, is a must. The more structured her time is, the better off she is as well. She gets a grade at the end of each day either :), :l, or :( for how she did with tantrums. We are lucky that she has actively decided she wants to get better,and it is now a team effort. Still there are ups and downs. We definitely don't impose consequences duringthe tantrum. It only serves to escalate. If she has to have a time-out, we tell her the time-out starts after she stops crying. That has definitely worked. We also give her an option of going outside and weeding until her tantrum is over. Also beneficial. Sigh...I ramble...It has been much on my mind lately. Keep up the good fight!

My 87 year old grandmother did something similar to one of my sisters kids last Thanksgiving. The child was having an awful tantrum because she could not have her way. My grandmother calmly walked over to her and poured a glass of ice water on the kid. The kid stopped the tantrum and got up totally shocked and alarmed that our grandmother had pour the cold water on her. My granmother calmly explained that that was unacceptable behavior and any child that acted the way she was doing deserved that kind of treatment. My sisters daughter has not had a tantrum since.

I've never had to deal with my boys throwing temper tantrums, because they know better.

Tantrums are a normal developmental way for children to express their frustration and independence. If you children do not ever have tantrums of any kind, I would be worried. Either they are afraid to express themselves, or they don't have the self worth to realize that they have that right.