we are hoping to adopt... advice???

My husband an I are in our 50's, have three bio children and 2 adopted children, 3 and 4. We are trying to adopt 2 more....wish us luck. Our bio children love their younger syblings. We have grandchildren older then our a-children. We have more then enough time, energy, and love to go around. We love our children and our life. We say go for it!

I'm a single Mom, currently age 58. Back in 1997, when I was "only" 51, I adopted my wonderful daughter from China. She was 18.5 months old at the time, and is now 8 years old. We are both having a grand time. I'd be delighted to talk with you, either via this list or privately. My e-mail address is sak9645@starpower.net. Sharon

We've adopted six (and hopefully, soon seven). We started this journey back when we were 23yrs old. Now, at 'almost 47'.....we are told to be expecting the arrival of another baby this month. I'm not familiar with the agency you mentioned, but.....like the others.......we'd say, "GO FOR IT"! Yep, weight and energy play into it; but so do, sincere desire for a baby, more time to spend with the child, the ability to lose the weight, and oftentimes, a calmer, more gentler momma (as Pres Bush might have said! LOL!). I'm all for older parent adoption! Keep us posted! Most sincerely, Linny

Hi, Dh is 44 and I'm 45 and we're waiting to be matched domestically with a newborn. So I 'm with the others who say go for it!! I also have a bio son who is 27 and an adopted daughter from Romania who is 16. As far as energy and weight they can both be taken care of and I plan to do just that in the morning.:) Seriously I have made goals and I have an exercise plan and just plan to lay off the sweets and cut back the carbs and watch portions. I'll soon be a new and improved me mentally and physically. I figure I owe it to our children to take care of myself because if I don't what good will I be for them. Keep us posted!:) Judy

No "youngster" myself...I have a bio son that will turn 6 at the end of January. A lot of the younger mom's whose kids go to school with my son, say I have a lot of patience, and they feel they have a lot less. Maybe that comes with age, I don't know. I know older parents who are crotchety and I know some whose children keep them young and running. I am probably somewhere in between (tee hee.) You are already parent's...you know yourselves, and if this is something you both feel compelled to do...there must be a reason. Whatever the stigma our society places on age may be...do it!!! I am just curious how Linny was able to start adopting (babies no less) at the tender age of 23, until you have adopted 6. WoW!!! I am guessing correctly they were all private and not through the state...as at my Orientation meeting through DCF we were told "If you are looking for babies, you are looking in the wrong place". Did you start out fostering to adopt? We would love to adopt a baby! My age would not stop me. My special needs son wants a "baby brother" in the worst way. All he talks about is a baby brother. After illness in the family though...financially...private is not feasible. I would love to foster to adopt, but my son would never understand if the baby had to go home. I would not be able to explain, and it would probably be frightening to him if the baby had to leave. We are pursuing adoption through DCF. Starting January my husbands company will be offering up to $3,000 adoption benefits. I am new to all this, but I heard that there is also a relatively new tax credit. I just do not know enough about it to feel confident to pursue private adoption. Good luck to everyone. Today is my birthday, and I start my MAPP classes on Jan 5th. Nice birthday present huh??? :-) Love & Light, Tee

Hi Lucy, I forgot to put in my post. I hear that America World was founded by Adoptive Parents. Hopefully if they have been through the rollercoaster ride called adoption, that is a plus! Best of luck in your plans! Love & Light, Tee

I am 40 and my DH is 42. We have 3 bio (23, 17, 12) and are in the process of adopting what will probably be one of 2 children. I understand how you feel! Many have told us we are crazy but I know in my heart that this is right. I know we have the love and energy to give to our 'growing' family.

... was founded by people who are devout Christians. According to the agency website, the agency requires at least one parent to agree to the following statement, "As adoptive parent(s) with America World I/we have confessed Christ as my/our Lord and Savior and believe the following chapters from the Bible: Deuteronomy 6, John 3 &14, Romans 10 and Ephesians 2. I/We will teach my/our children by adoption the same. " I respect the strong principles of the founders of the agency. I have talked to Brian Luwis, and he sounds like a person with a genuine concern for child welfare and a deep commitment to his faith. However, I am Jewish and could not sign such a statement. Other people may also have difficulty with the statement for religious reasons, or may prefer to work with an agency that does not have a religious orientation. Sharon

To answer the questions of 'when and how' we adopted........I'll be only too glad to tell you. We started when we lived overseas in Okinawa, Japan. My hubby was Air Force then. Our first two adoptions of babies were private ones. In our late thirties, we decided to adopt older kids through the state system. Our first older son has been a learning experience.....and because the state did not lawfully disclose all the required info to us, we adopted an extremely disturbed little boy. After four years in our home, tons of therapies (especially attachment) and meds, and psych hospital admissions; not to leave out trying to hurt (possibly fatally) our other children, he had to go live in a residential facility. During the four years he was with us (and the state cw kept saying to us that, 'It will get better.").....we adopted a sib group of two little boys. They have bonded with us and have been with us for many years. As you might understand, we decided not to take the chance of state adoptions again. While I respect and admire those who continue to do so, we could not. So, in our mid forties, we decided to adopt privately again. We were blessed with a tiny baby---right from the hospital. While we have adopted six times (and hopefully, this seventh will go as planned).....we only have three living at home now. If this wee one 'goes as planned' , then we will only have four at home. So goes our story on adoption. I have to add, that the waiting gets no easier in my forties, than it did in my twenties! I'll be happy to help anyone with any info I might have. Just feel free to pm me, if so! Most sincerely, Linny

Thank you Linny for your openess and honesty!!! I totally understand the difficulty. I have a special needs child myself. Due to his disability, he had his own set of attachment and behaviour issues!!! Although he has somewhat attached now, he most certainly does not interact as a typical child. He has made incredible strides through therapies and interventions of many varieties. I adore him, beyond measure, and G-d forgive me, everyone says "it takes a special kind of mother..." I know we have children to love them, but it would be nice, and how my arms ache to love, hug and kiss a child that knows we love them, not just pushes away from us! Or who says I Love You as just words he repeats, because goodness knows he has heard it enough times! That is why the more I read here the less sure I am about the DCF adoption, we decided to go for. Raising children is NEVER easy. But our lives have been so hard, it has gotten better...but it is still hard. I am a little fearful since the state adoptions seem to be older kids...that adopting that way, will fuel the fire that has seemed to subside somewhat by now. I Love This Site! :-) Good luck to all the families looking to hold waiting children!!! Love & Light, Tee

Thanks to everyone who replied. We really do appreciate hearing from each of you. I called two local agencies today about starting the process, so we're just waiting to receive the information and decide which one we'll use. I've decided not to tell a lot of people that we are planning to adopt. It seems that everyone has an opinion about whether or not we should adopt at our ages. We already know this is right for us. It just feels right. We have talked to three of our four children about it. Hopefully, the fourth one will be as supportive as the others. The whole homestudy process is frightening. Was it a tough ordeal or did it go smoothly? I know it is silly, but I'm afraid the caseworker won't like us, our house, our dogs, or something. My husband says it will all be fine, though. Have a great weekend! Lucy

Lucy, Congratulations on taking the first step! I am 45 and my husband turned 50 while on our first trip to Russia to meet our soon to be son who we're naming Mike Jr., but "Skip" will be his nickname. We were both married once before and together have 6 children: 20, 21, 22, 23, 34 & 26 years old as well as a 4 year old granddaughter and an 11 month old grandson. Skip just turned a year old so we'll have a grandson younger than our son. We have only been married three years, but togther for 5, and to be honest, never thought we'd be where we are today. Just didn't think it was possible. We both grew up in large families with lots of siblings and close extended families and when we married while we worked successfully at blending both families together, something was still missing. Longing turned to discussion, which turned to research and then a few phone calls until we both decided to just jump in with both feet. We didn't tell many people at first for fear "something would go wrong" but as the process unfolded and it became clear we'd be approved, we slowly began to spread our news and were met with mixed responses initially. We didn't try and explain it to those who didn't understand why we didn't want to "enjoy our empty house", instead we told them it was what WE WANTED TO DO. Everyone came around quickly and rallied behind us. We acknowledge we can't offer this child the youth that 20something parents can, but feel we can offer something more: experience. We've made mistakes in parenting and know what mistakes NOT to make this time around. It's a whole new ballgame. While some may think we don't have the patience we had 25 years ago, I beg to differ. I say we have learned that you don't sweat the small stuff (and it's mostly small stuff) but rather pick your battles wisely and hold your ground. My husband pointed out recently that society is such that when two irresponsible 18 year olds have too much to drink on a Friday nite and the result is a pregnant teen who's still in High School and the other doesn't have a job to support either of them, families and friend rally around them in support. Dad gets Jr. a job down in the mailroom, and the couple live with her parents for awhile to save on expenses and to help with the baby so she can at least finish H.S. All her friends give her a baby shower and Aunt Mildred starts knitting again.... On the other hand, Take a mature married couple, with stable jobs making good incomes, nice home, nice cars, in a loving nurturing relationship make an informed decision that to have a child through adoption the response they hear is "What are you nuts?" or "Your kids are all grown, you should be travelling, not changing diapers again". GO FIGURE! Like I said, everyone came around and we didn't take anyone too seriously, but it does say something about our society as a whole... Go for it, if that's what you guys what!!!! We found through our research that it wasn't so much the agencies that had age restrictions, but more so the countries you'd adopt from that had the age limits. Good Luck!

Lucy - I wholeheartedly agree with waiting4skip - go for it! Don't worry about the homestudy - just be yourselves and it should all work out. My wife and I got through two (we have two kids), and while the first one was definately nerve wracking for us, the second one was easy (relatively). BTW, my wife is 47 and I am 49. Our kids, a son age 7 and a daughter age 21 months, were both brought home at birth. We have to be constantly on our toes but wouldn't have any other way. waiting4skip - What a great story about you and your husband. Congratulations to you both on your new son. Tim

Judy............ Congratulations! Hopefully, you'll have Skip home very soon. It sounds like you made a wonderful decision and I applaud you for it. It really does help to know there are others out there like us. Thanks to all who replied. Last week, I finally had a chance to talk to my youngest son about adopting. His wife was obviously opposed. He, on the other hand, was fine with our decision. We've discussed our decision with each of our four kids at length. Everyone is cool with it. We have not, nor will we, discuss it with their spouses. We felt our kids (and only our kids) should have some input on something this big. We are moving forward. Right now, we are trying to make a final decision on a country, an agency, and a homestudy agency. I can't wait until we get our referral! Best of luck to you. lucy