The Lifebook Resolution

hi, just remember, a life book is about the childs life from birth to you. If you are uncomfortable with certain aspects of your childs life and you dont want to put abuse or anything in their life book, then that is not called a life book. That would be called, 'things i only want my child to know about their life book' for me, with regards to sexually abuse, you might use terms like "problem touching" and explain what problem touching is in the life book. with in regards to abuse, as for us their birth mom was mentally ill. so i discussed "special medicine to make her feel better that she didnt take....etc." i talked about how a social worker came over and realized that thier birth mom couldnt keep them safe and then she took them to their foster home..... I explained how adults jobs is to keep kids safe..etc I tried to be exact as possible, i feel an adopted child needs to know about their birth family and their history. i cant imagine what it would feel like if i had no idea about the first 5 or 10 yrs for that matter, pending on how many placements, how i would feel. you might feel like your child is too young to handle it, which is fine, and you dont have to show them it if your uncomfortalble with it. but i would suggest to do it as soon as possible, because the years go fast, and our memory does fade. but dont leave important facts about their lives out of their 'life book'! our kids have a right to know who they are and where they came from. people might disagree, but i feel pretty strong about this as you can see. People need to know about their pasts, the good and the bad. everything should be age appropriate of course. dadfor2

dadfor2 and Gloria, Thanks for your replies... I agree completely with both of you. I only asked the question to start some discussion on this board... it needs a little spur. :)

We adopted siblings from the Foster care system and apparently each child leaving for adoptive placement should be given one. Adoptive families are told to expect it. Ours was mad by someone at the DHS office. When the photo's are taken for the photo listing they try to get any other known pictures--as well as visits with the biological family at the visit centers and they even try to get the family to provide any pictures they might have to put into the book. The books are created to help in the transistion and adoptive parents are asked to show the child the book in the early time as often as possible--and to later show the child f and when they ask to see it. Our daughter did not have any baby pictures but there are several at about age 3 with some very important peole from her past. There are at least 30-40 pictures in the book including several from the Foster Home. The whole story with every detail is spelled out in a storybook form....and scrapebook layout including a copy of the origianl birth cirtificate as well as a letter that explains why they are amended to reflect the adoption. I think our daughters starts out with, 'It was a cold and rainy winter night when a beautiful little girl was born....." There are several poems including some that would reflect the feelings of their birthmother.....the books make it very clear that their mother loved them very much but was not able to mother them. I have removed some pages dealing with the drgu abuse issues and some other things I think can be left to later--as I want the children to read them as often as they wish and don't think thrid grade would be the best time for the gory details. They are birght and cheery--and the last few pages talk about adoption with more of the poems we all know--and how we chose them-- In Oregon they are supposed to be used to help the child adjust and have something to hold and feel from their life before adoption. We did not add on to it--we started our own scrapbooks --

I was happy to see this thread...maybe it will help motivate me to get going on my children's scrapbooks and lifebooks (I have 4 "homemade" kids and 2 adopted...I want to do a special book for each one of them and I NEED to get started!) My sister in law is an avid scrapbooker and she offered to help me start a combination lifebook/ support group for adoptive parents. I am hoping that this group will meet at least twice a month and support each other as well as exchange creative ideas (and materials) for the children's lifebooks. We talked about calling the group Adoption Scrapbooking & Support...but the acrynym was not appropriate! ;)

I see what you mean about the acronym! If you didn't mind being confused with Lutheran Social Services, you could also use LSS for Lifebook Scrapbooking & Support. :)

scrapand tell, i think the thread was important and needed to be discussed, bravo to you for putting it out there. alot of people feel they dont need a life book and just explain to their child, age appropriate, when they child starts asking questions. I feel a lifebook is something totally different and every adoptive child should have one. I feel they should keep it in their room, so they can look at it anytime they want. one suggestion is to make copies of the lifebook for the child who might have some anger issues, becauase they might tear apart the book at one point. dadfor2

dadfor2, You have really fully studied Beth O'Malley's book! Your postings are written so similarly to the way I think Beth would respond herself. For those that are interested, here are some other things Beth would say: [list][*]Tell the truth [*]Make reading the lifebook a ritual [*]Always start with the adoptees birth, not their arrival day [*]Allow your child to feel their sadness [*]Have the courage to write a real lifebook, from "scratch" [*]Really believe that any adoptee would cherish their life story, no matter how complicated [*]Always make copies of the lifebook [*]Be optimistic that the lifebook will help reduce adolescent acting out around identity issues. The more your child knows, they more s/he will feel "real." [*]Allow your child to keep their lifebook in their bedroom (or at least a copy of it) [*]Never give up or tell yourself that youҒll write it when you have more time. The time is now. [/list]

When it comes to scrapbooking I am not the best at getting them done--but I have learned to organize the things I would like to oneday get done right.....we have a three ring binder and inside I put the hardstock pages that have pockets--when something comes along--or pictures are taken--drawings made or what ever I can just slip them into the pockets and write on the outside what there---for the time when the book is actually worked on-- We also found that school age kids bring home TONS of paper! It has worked very well in my home to keep one of the large Gift bags in a central place and to allow our children to put EVERYTHING they want to save in the gift bag---when it is full I can lable it with a start to full date and keep that time period all together and there is not arguing about what stays and what goes! I did this with my older two and it is funny because there are so many things I would have tossed--but, am glad I kept years later. We also like to give the kids the 'disposable" cameras for vacations or special events and allow them to take their own pictures--over the years there have been some very interesting pictures we never would have gotten without the perspective of the young childs eye! In our family we are famous for giving all the kids these camears as gifts! As soon as they are old enough to look and click! I am no rules about the photos the kids may take except--When you run out of pictures you run out so don't use them up too fast or all for the same thing! Usually at birthday parties we have several around so the other children can snap some pictures too. And recently I purchased one of the polorid sticker making cameras they are awesome and take a little tiny picture that is actually a sticker--it has been fun for small embelishments! We try to keep special ribbons and doo-dahs as I call them for page decorations.....like the girft ribbons from the birthday parties are used right on the page with the pictures! Thats where my notbook with pockets comes in very handy! And on the scrapbook page sometimes I add a pocket to hold some of the little things that cannot actually be used on the page due to the volume of things--- Our daughter has an attraction for her old clothes and won't let go of them! Someone had suggested we make a quilt--but that is never going to acutally happen with me--so we have started using some of the fabrics as backgrounds on the scrapebook pages! Recycle and our daughter really kloves this it adds texture to our scrapbook and costs nothing! We even have some special shoe laces and hari ribbons! An old swim suit is the decoration for a page about our summer vacation and it looks so cute because so many of the pictures she has the swim suit on and the decorations highlight the pictures.....paper has become less and less a part of our books and tangible items are far more fun to use--it makes the book thicker but fun and interesting. Even the fur from a very wonr out stuffed animal is fun to use! Right now baby brother has a security blanket and we have been using the old trick of slowly trimming it smaller and smaller--he wants to carry it around all day and the small pieces of his blanket make cute page boarders this way he will have is "nigh-nigh' forever!

I have just learned that the life book I have been keeping for my daughter was done incorrectly. I used a regular photo album and then purchased vinyl inserts in which I used colorful paper and glued the pictures and stories on. I used regular stickers that I found in the craft store to highlight certain events. All my family says it's wonderful and our adoption social worker was very impressed. Now I am being told that this type of life book will not hold up during time and the glue will come undone. I am so upset by this as I have spent so much time lovingly putting together this album for her. I even bought the vinyl pages that open up so you can have 4 sides instead of two for those occassions I wanted to document with more photo's. So now I am left with the daunting task of redoing her entire life book. This is very upsetting to me. I just read that I should make extra copies of this. This is overwhelming. Most of the photo's I have in it are the only ones and the thought of digging out negatives and making copies is not to appealing to me at all. I was wondering how beneficial are copies of lifebooks. I thought that one copy would be enough, now I read that it is not. Can anyone share their insights with me. I am beside myself with all the work I have done and now have to redo and then to make copies, please, this can't be necessary. Please tell me it's not so! :(

AMom2Two: You were probably given the information by a seasoned scrapbooker, one that is better versed in the life-expectancy of scrapbooks made with certain materials. Any time you use photos or paper or ink or stickers, etc., in a scrapbook, it is wise to use items that are acid-free, and in the case of paper products, also lignin-free. Otherwise, paper will slowly turn brittle and yellow and disintegrate. Colors will fade from the photos. I'm not disagreeing with the person that warned you of the possibilities. Scrapbooks made of certain materials will wear and fade faster than others. For example, you don't want to put photos in albums that have magnetic pages (where you lift the page and put the photos on the pre-glued pages underneath and then lay the film of plastic back down) as they will get destroyed the fastest. When most people talk about making copies of the lifebook, they do not mean actual complete copies of the original work. They mean color photocopies...the concept being that children may destroy the lifebook in a fit of anger or crumple it under a pile of toys or spill juice on it, etc. You don't want anything to happen to the original so you make copies. You save the original for when the child is much older and let them read and handle a copy. Maybe a laminated copy for durability. Or, what I often suggest is making color photocopies and put the photocopied sheet inside an album with top-loading page protectors. I'd hate to see you spend time redoing your album. If you are concerned about the long-term stability of your album, perhaps you could invest in a can of deacidification spray. Does any of this help ease your mind? I hope so! :)

Jennifer thank you for getting back to me. Now that I am aware of the difference I can do things differently with my next child and the future items I put in her scrapebook. Since most of my daughters lifebook is done on various papers that I have inserted into vinyl covers, I was wondering if there are other inserts I could buy to insert my already finished work into, without having to redo the entire book? I also visited your site and did not see any type of albums available. Did I miss them? Thank you for your time.

AMom2Two, I will send you a private message, as I do not want to go against this forum's policy on putting URLs in the message to advertise. Thanks!

Just wanted to add my 2-cents. I'm a new scrapbooker, and here's what we are doing for our son: we have decided, rather than a single lifebook, we will chronicle events in his life. The book I'm working on now is "Waiting for Jonah" The time between January 2004 when we accepted his referral and May 2004 when he came home. It's mostly about us, what we knew of him and the timeline and events in his adoption story. The next book I will work on is "Jonah's first year" From May 2004, through May 2005, his first year with us, our first year as a family. I'm also concurrently working on a book for him. As in a laminated, small book that he will have on his bookshelf that we can read to him, and he can read when he's old enough. It will include his total first year, from his birth through his first birthday with us. It's easier for me to tackle the projects this way as they feel manageable. I choose the "story" I'll work on, then pick the album I want, then choose pictures/embellishments/ribons/etc. When I do this, I actually sketch a page, on an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper in pencil. Then I take the sketch, pictures, embellishments and put them all in a sheet protector so when I have time I can put the page together. I devote a day about once a month just to scrapbooking, even if I have to take a vacation day from work to do it. Best, Kelley

Jennifer, Thanks for helping me find the words to describe the book I want to make for our adopted child(ren, cause we hope to have more than 1)...even the baby book that was supposedly created for infants who were adopted disappointed me, completely overlooking the entire birth family and focusing mostly on the adoptive parents. :( I think they had ONE page in there for photos, no space to write in, called "other people who love you". UGH. I think they meant well, but it just doesn't work for me. You've inspired me! This weekend I'm going to start compiling my supplies and get cracking...Dad, thanks for the suggestion of the book. I'm ordering it today.

I agree with Coco. I bought "Our Chosen Child" for my son, a Baby/Adoption book. It was soooo wrong. I'm working on starting a scrapbook type lifebook for him, so I can put in the stuff that is really important. Every adoption situation is different, so pre made books usually fall way short of our expectations. I'm hoping to finish his before his adoption is finalized (we're still waiting on a court date!!) But I'm not worried, he's lived with us for four years. I do wish I had started on this sooner, so if you're thinking of waiting......DON'T. Good luck