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This is my first time to this site. I just have a couple of questions. I had an arranged marriage and my husband was... to understate it not very nice. I escaped the country while still pregnant. Once every couple years he tries to bother me by saying he wants to see the child, yet spends most of the time trying to talk to me, He has threatened kidnapping and almost followed through. The authorities won't really help. I got remarried to a wonderful man when my son was almost three. My husband has since then adopted son.My son is now six and I think he should know, but my husband is really scared and wants to keep it a serect forever. The society I live in can be cruel and I know if we don't tell him someone will, and in a mean way. I also want to prepare my son for what may come in his future. I really am lost as to what I should do without hurting my husband or endangering my son. Any suggestions? I could desperatly use the help.
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confussed parent,
I was adopted when I was 3 also. But my aparents didn't tell me and some how out of a very large family (my adad came from 10 bro and sisters) I never knew. I am now 41 and trying to deal with what I have just learned. Not easy...One of my very good friends adopted her daughter, and when she was about 10 told her all about the adoption. You have to make sure your son can understand everything your telling him...all of it. I would tell him, but am not sure if 6 is too young. I'm always around, although on the other side if you want to talk.
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The research is pretty clear on this and my clinical experience supports it; the sooner a child is told that they have biological parents, the better. The longer you wait and live an implicit lie, the worse it will be. The longer it goes on the more damage occurs when you finally shatter the lie or fiction. It will damage your son's father's relationship and yours with him if he is not told that he has two fathers.
regards,
I think you son is old enough to understand simple, age-appropriate explanation regarding adoption. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be.
If you're at a loss to explain your situation, maybe you could consult with a psychologist to come up with an explanation that your son can understand.
I can imagine that your situation is difficult to explain, that's why I would consult with a professional who could provide you with guidance.
Good Luck and all the best.. You sound like a very strong, resourceful woman and I'm sure you'll work it out.
I would have to agree with everybody on this one, Tell him as soon as possible. The younger a child is when he or she finds out the easier it is for them to understand what happened. My ason tells me all the time about kids in his class that were adopted and gets very excited when one of his friends tells him that they are getting a new child through adoption. It is amazing how many kids have been adopted in the small town that we live in. I think that you should just be direct and tell him the truth, start out with some small details and see how he reacts and spread out more details over the next few days, that will give him time to think about questions he may have with out overwhelming him with to much info all at once.