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Hello, everyone. I have been lurking on this board for quite some time, absorbing all of your wonderful advice and experiences.
My husband and I live here in Florida, have been married for 13 years, and really want to adopt. We have a 5-year-old biological daughter (who wants to know WHY she doesn't already have a baby brother or sister :-)
I have a packet here on my desk from Jeanne Tate's Heart of Adoptions agency, and it answers most of my questions, but I still have some concerns.
Technically, my husband (who happens to have been adopted as an infant himself) and I could probably have another biological child, but we have decided against it. He is 38, I am 37, and we don't think my body needs to go through that again (long story--I won't bore you). Could we be turned down for adoption because of the fact that I may still be "fertile"?
Secondly, I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis 7 years ago (much to my surprise). I am on medication that helps to regulate my immune system, and I am very active and healthy. (I am my daughter's kindergarten "classroom mom", help out with Girl Scouts, etc.) I am well aware that I have been very fortunate, but will I automatically be rejected for adoption because of this "Scarlet Letter" on my medical records?
Anyway, I could really use some encouragement before we move forward. Our daughter is fabulous, and we aren't going to feel sorry for ourselves if she is meant to be our only child. I know I could call an agency and bombard them with my questions, but I guess if I'm going to be rejected, I'd rather hear it from you all first!
Thanks for listening, and thanks in advance for your insight!
EmmaPearl
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HI! I'm not in Florida, but can probably answer those questions.
Being physically able to have another biological child does not automatically bar you from being able to adopt.
However, each agency can set their own rules (as long as they're the same or stricter than state and federal law), so be sure to ask if the agency requires their applicants to be infertile. If they require that, just find a different agency.
Also, having a health problem does not automatically bar you from being able to adopt. What they'll want is a letter from your doctor saying that you are expected to have a normal life span and that there is no reason you couldn't parent another child. If you are that active, you should be able to obtain that easily. If you find your agency isn't willing to accept a letter like that, just find another agency. Do make sure your doc would sign a letter like that if asked, and make sure the agency you choose would accept it. People with all sorts of health problems are able to adopt - diabetes, wheelchair bound, depression, etc. Your diagnosis shouldn't raise any eyebrows.
Good luck!
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Hello again, and thank you so much for the quick responses! I just got home from picking our daughter up from school, and I was so surprised to have replies so soon! You guys are the best!
I never even thought about the Disabilities Act! That seems so obvious, but we've been going through such a circus with insurance (my husband started his own business--another long story!) that I guess I've started to feel "defective."
JuliannaTeresa--Pregnancy is not usually a problem in women with MS because symptoms often disappear during pregnancy, but exacerbations often occur after the baby is born. After 7 years of marriage, we had been planning to start trying to get pregnant the exact month that I was diagnosed (Sometimes God has to smack you to remind you who is REALLY in charge:-) After taking a few months to regroup (and do A LOT of reading), we got pregnant. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and a huge, healthy baby. However, I had mild exacerbations every three months for nearly a year. P.S.--Our daughter's name is Juliana!
DianeS.--I am so lucky to have a great neurologist who I'm sure would gladly write any necessary letters verifying my mobility and stability. (It's good to have a doctor with a sense of humor when he's pointing at MRI images of your brain and saying words like "lesions":-) I'll be the first to admit that I get REALLY fatigued sometimes, but I have so much to be thankful for.
Thank you both for us a little hope! I really needed to hear this today!
EmmaPearl
I am not a Florida parent but thought I would provide some additional encouragement. I understand well examining your current health and deciding against giving birth again. In my case, I opted to never give birth, and it was an easy choice. I have a chronic non-life altering illness. I adopted my daughter upon her birth, 18 months ago. While I know that many agencies require "proof of infertility" in the form of a letter from your doctor, others do not. Even those that do would probably be open to your situation - opting not give birth for health reasons. Enclosed is a link you might find worth reading:
[url]http://www.cwla.org/programs/adoption/americans_with_disabilities.htm[/url]
On a sidenote, my mother was diagnosed with Rheumatoid just after my sister's birth (33 years ago) and opted to have no other children for the same reasons. She was/is a wonderful, active, involved mother who has, through her strength, courage, eternal optimism and internal peace, taught me life's greatest lessons. I wish you luck if this is the journey you choose.
redhedded--Thank you so much for your personal insight and for the link. By the way, that's one beautiful daughter you've got there!
I feel like I sound as though I'm dwelling on my MS, and I really don't do that. It's always "there," but there is so much else in my life. I mean, my daughter knows that Mommy gives herself shots so that she can stay strong and healthy, but like a good friend of mine told me when I was first diagnosed, EVERYONE has SOMETHING unpleasant that they have to deal with. Like my "thing," it just may not be outwardly obvious. We all have our demons. Enough said. No more whining!
Thanks again to all of you for your support!
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Emma Pearl
I actually was using Jeanne's services and I am/was in a similar situation. I am a type 1 diabetic. We have a 8 year old bio daughter and we decided last year that we did not want to go thru pregnancy again since it was very difficult for me to handle the first time, but we all wanted to add to our family . Needless to say we were using protection for 8 years. We decided last year to adopt and met a person who was pregnant and she wanted us to parent her child. We all decided to use Jeanne's services since this person lived in Florida . Jeanne had no problem with the fact that I had diabetes and decided not to pursue pregnancy. Long story short the person scammed us and others out of alot of money and the adoption between us never took place. But......................less than a month later after her baby was born, I found out I was pregnant! Very scary at first because this was very unplanned. But two weeks ago our daughter was born! So don't worry about the whole medical thing it really was not an issue with Jeanne at all.
usocwazee--
Thanks for your reply! Congratulations on your new little one! I am sorry to hear about the adoption scam that you went through. I really cannot imagine how heartbreaking that would be for your whole family. I am comforted to hear that everything seems to be falling into place for you now.
Thanks again!