my cousin's baby cont'd

February 2, 2004

THE LATEST: Im going to be a mom! My cousin and I have spoken and she has decided that she wants me to adopt her baby. Now that the decision has been made, IҒm in shock and dont know where to start as far as legal stuff goes. Any advise or input (for or against this adoption) is appreciated.

Thanks for reading,

Mel

FIRST POST:

my cousin's baby

My cousin recently walked out of an abortion clinic after being on her cell phone with our Grandmother who thinks that if you can get pregnant, you can take the right steps to give your baby a good life. In my family, it is common for kids to be "given" over to an aunt or to Grandma to be raised. I was told about this situation in conversation and was filled with overwhelming emotions because I canҒt carry a baby, meaning for my doctors, that Ill likely never have my own kids. I'm young, single and I live with roommates because I hate being alone. But everyone that knows me knows the one thing I have always wanted was to be a mommy, even before I knew about my health challenges. I told my grandma that I would consider talking to my cousin about taking her in until she has the baby, then sending her home and keeping the baby as my own. I know that my cousin and the father of this baby are all for this situation happening and would be willing to do anything it takes for this baby to have a life. I took over complete care of two siblings aged 15 (who lived with me for six months) and 10 (who lived with me for 12 months) with out knowing they would ever return to my mother so I already know what life as a single parent is. I know a baby fits into my life. IҒm not scared about money or about my capabilities to give a great life. I was born to be a mother! There is so much to consider and a lifetime to look forward to. I guess, well, I don't really have any questions, but I would like any input anyone has to offer.

tfergycnm

February 7, 2004

Mel:

It sounds like great news for you. I can relate (somewhat) to the situation. I was told that I would never have children either -- however I tried anyway, seeking IUI, IVF, fertility drugs, etc....

I spent 2 years and lots of money without success. I finally stopped trying due to the horrific depression it caused. In my line of work (healthcare) I met a pregnant women (while she was in labor) who knew that she couldn't be a mother at this time in her life. After getting to know her, she asked me if I would like to adopt her infant.

Although I had thought about adoption -- it seemed like something that would never happen for me (lengthy paperwork, long waiting lists, expense for international adoption, etc.) But, I would have never imagine it happening like this 0- so quick! Grace was born beautiful and healthy and I became a mother in two days.

She is 3 yrs old now and I can't wait to adopt again. I think your opportunity is fantastic. My only advice to you is to BE SURE this is something you really can handle. You are very young - but perhaps you are much more mature than the average 22 yr old.

It is a huge responsiblity and it needs to be something you want more than anything!

Don't adopt because you don't like being alone. What about your soulmate/boyfriend? Is he a good support? If there isn't one yet -- think about your future in dating with an infant. Your life will go on HOLD for a while and you have to be OK with that. There is no time for selfishness in motherhood.

Just be sure --- real sure that this is OK for you. And good luck.

tfergycnm