Need Birthmom opinions...

I look for qualities that I see in my own family - spirituality, hobbies, dreams, goals, careers, etc. I know that my baby's life will not be a "clone" of mine - but desire him to experience some of the things I experienced growing up. Share who you are with a bmom - don't try to be someone you are not - or someone you think a bmom is looking for. Hope this helps. -Katie

My family is dysfunctional and abusive and I looked for qaulities that I have and wish they did too. Katie is right in that you have to be yourself. If you are not a birthparent will eventually see through that. I just placed my newborn son this month and so this is all still very fresh for me. I wanted a very open adoption so I looked for a couple that truly wanted that as well and didn't just say it but showed me through their actions and proved it to me. People who are willing to have a relationship with me and my older child and to see us often. I wanted my son's parents to be honest, caring, educated, openminded, stable with a stable long term marriage. I needed to like their communication styles (both as a couple and with me). I wanted nonsmokers. I wanted parents that would encourage my son in his education and provide opportunities for him throughout his life to develop his skills and interests and then to go onto university should he chose to do so. It is really alot about personalities and if you click with each other. So again just be yourselves and don't try to hard to impress. S

Missingmyboy - My daughter placed her baby boy last March. As hard as that was, she knows she made the right decision for her son. I know you did, too, so please remember that in the dark nights. My prayers are with you. As for potentioal aparents: My daughter wanted an open or semi open adotion, at least with pictures. She wanted a healthy couple (no smokers or over weight parents since she wanted her baby's aparents to be around for a long time!). She wanted a couple with a loving extended family that would welcome the baby as its own. SHe waneted someone like herself, but older: creative, athletic, funny. My daughter was lucky - she found terrific aparents who have invited her to their home, have traveled several hours to visit her at college, and constantly send pictures and email. Her son will always know her.

I placed 4 years ago, but the questions I asked my sons parents are still very fresh in my mind. Are you planning to adopt again? How/when will you begin explaining the fact the he is adopted? How do you plan on disciplining him? Will you be staying home with him? If not who will be watching him during the day? Brie

thanks for such great suggestions.. we had been matched with a birthmom for a few weeks.. but that match just failed.. so.. we will keep all this in mind going forward.. thanks so much... Mandy

I honestly do not think there is any way you can prepare for questions. Just as long as you and your husband speak from your heart and are open and honest with those involved. We never went with an agency adoption, but have adopted an older girl privately and we adopted our son thru CPS. We never had the option of having the birth parents in our lives. We still keep in contact with the foster parents that had our son before us. They are now part of our family simply because they were part of his life. I know when we decided to become foster parents, they asked us a ton of questions. I happen to be one of those people that is an open book.. I don't think they really cared that we went skinny dipping before we got married .. oops.. I would think that most birth parents would probably want to spend some time even with the extended family of the adoptive parents. This would let them in on how exactly your family acts at large. So if at all possible, let them see your every day life and from that a great many of their questions would be answered. That would also let you know if the birth mom fits really well with your own family. As important as it is for the birthmom to like you, it is just as important that you like her. After all you will be part of a family together after the baby is born. We have always been open and honest with our adopted children. Afterall.. Adoption is something to be proud of. This is an event where all these people are working together to make sure that baby gets everything he needs and deserves for life. With all that love and concern, there is no way it could be a bad thing! You should have just as many questions for the birthmom as she would have for you.. afterall... years down the road.. that little bundle of love will want to know and you will want to be able to answer all the questions they might have. God Bless, Karen

Every person considering adoption for her child may ask you different questions. I will be asking the following: your religion do you have pets do you like pets how many children do you want do you want an open adoption how do you feel about visits how do you plan on disipling the child do you work? if no why not

Hi Mandy, Ask yourself this - if YOU were going to give your child to someone else to raise, what would YOU want to know about THEM? Write out that list of questions, and then figure out how you and your husband would answer them. I asked about their plans to adopting again and how they'd handle it if they had more or less contact with one birthmom than the other. I asked about their religion and how involved they were with their church. I asked about education - did they plan to send their kids to public or private schools or homeschool them. I asked about their home life, what they did together when not working, and how a child would fit into their lives. I asked what they'd consider ideal contact after the adoption. I asked how they came to adoption and if they were still hoping to have a baby that was theirs biologically. In short, I felt like I was playing 20 questions with them every time we talked or emailed, but they were really nice about it. Try not to take all the questions too personally - a potential birthmom is trying to figure out if you are the right match for her, and it may take a lot of questions for her to decide, especially if she is seriously considering more than family (like I did).

I didnt have many questions that the agency didnt already have answers to, but when I was looking through the profiles the ones that stood out the most were the ones that had pictures of the couple together and smiling. Also I didnt like the profiles of the house rather than the couple. One profile had more pictures of their finished basement than them together! I didnt want to see their stuff I wanted to see them, however my boyfriend did like the profile of the couple that had the home theatre system. He just wants a 30 foot tv someday :D . I still havent asked about their religious beliefs and probably never will, but that seems to be a common deciding factor. I mostly wanted to know that they both wanted to adopt and the husband wasnt just doing it because the wife wanted him to. Shellie

So, when the baby is 10 or 11 and wants to watch an R rated movie, what will you say? Really, that is one of the questions that was asked during our interview meeting. It went along with the conversation, but the topic still strikes me as a little amusing. Anyway, my point is that there are tons of possible questions. It is okay to answer "I don't know, yet" to some of them and just remember that honesty is the key.

I recently just chose the adoptive parents for my child. When looking for adoptive parents, I wanted them to share personal values. Things that I looked for were: - fairly young - home owners - close extended family (emotionally/physically) - travel - community service - good moral values - well read - lived near large city (I was raised in a large city) - outdoorsy. - financially sound Hope this helps! Good Luck with your adoption! I promise that birthmothers are not totally picky, because we know any family willing to take our child is going to be better than anything we can give them at this time. And everyone wants the best for the child(s).