Dealing with Bmom and MIL

How do you all deal with Bmoms and MIL's? Heres our story in a nut shell. We recieved temp custody of our 11 month old nephew. Birth M&D were in and out of his life when ever convient. Time went by and we had enough, and wanted him to have a more stable home life so we asked about adoption. Both agreed. 2 days after his 3rd birthday his adoption was finalized. We are now approching his 4th bday this week, and Bdad has stayed quietly out of the picture, but Bmom who lives with mother and father inlaw still has ongoing contact with him. (asks to talk to him over the phone from time to time, wants pics, ect.) We live in NJ, they live in FL, so we dont have to deal with them face to face on a reg basis, (that may soon change ARGH) but I find it very frustrating to have to deal with her when I do. You see I can only imagine that with a reg (not open or family adoption) the birth parents have it some what eaiser, because although heart broken Im sure, they get to move on with their lives. In my SIL situation, she is constantly reminded about him. And my MIL doesn't help. She constantly reminds her about him, she shows her new pics we send to them, she tells her a funny story about somehting he did, while were still telling her the story on the phone, and she has even gone as far as saying he is still her baby and she is entitled to all that stuff. (which frustrates the heck out of me) When ever my SIL is down, (which is alot since she has depression) My MIL uses our son as a quick fix. And I think that is totaly wrong. yes, we have asked her not to do that, but no matter what we say she still does. Im sure its not easy for her to sit back and see her own child have to go threw that, but I feel she is only making it worse by saying things and doing things like that. Back in Sept they came up to NJ to visit, and on one of those visits my SIL bent down put her arms out and said to my son, "wheres my favorite baby?" I bit my tongue, but gave her the evil eye, and she quickly corrected herself by saying "I mean my favorite nephew" Now in May we have a family wedding to attend, and they will be there. I know she is going to be hanging all over him, and wanting to dance/play with him all day, and I dont know how to handle it. I just pray they dont have us seated at the same table. She also recently sent me $ to purchase a webcam so she can see him. (no we haven't nor do we plan to get one) It just seems as though since the adoption went threw she wants more contact with him now then she has ever before. Before the adoption she hadn't seen or talked to him in over 9 months. How do you all deal with the Bmom, and family members who think we should just live and act like one big happy family? Thanks in Advance Jen