Just starting....

I'm a single adoptive mom and I can feel your head swimming from here. There are 2 HUGE decisions that you need to start with - Country and Agency. And how much you can spend. So, start asking yourself some questions - 1. How much can I spend? 2. How much time do you have to take off post adoption? 3. Where do you want to spend that time - in country or home? 4. Travel or escort? 5. Foster care or orphanage? These are just a few of the questions. And you need to know that cost can vary widely from agency to agency. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.

Hello, I to am young and planning to adopt as a single parent. So I know how you feel because I felt the exact same way when I first began looking for info on adoption. If I can be of any help please let me know. I cannot think of any real advise to give you at the moment. BUt if you think of any questions let me know i'll try an answer them. For I have been studying this for over two years now. Thanks

I am a single mom. My recomendation would be to look in your phone book. Contact some agencies and go to some (free) orientation meetings. This can help you decide what age and nationality and costs. There are so many ways to adopt, that first you just need to find out which way you want to adopt. -Domestic, private (usually newborn, and costly) -International (ages and costs vary) -State/Foster care adoption. (no cost, but usually few younger children)

I think first you should head to the library and read everything you can about adoption. The "Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption" is probably a good general guide. Understand there is no one best way to adopt, only a best way for you. There's also no risk free way to be a parent, it's all about what risks you feel ready to handle and which you can't. Here are a few questions I'd ask yourself: 1. How important is it that your child share your ethnic heritage? 2. How important is it that your child be a newborn? 3. How ready/willing/able are you to travel, especially with little or no notice? 4. How prepared do you feel in parenting a child that may have been exposed to abuse, neglect, or institutionalization, known or unknown at time of placement? 5. How much are you willing/able/prepared to spend in fees and costs? 6. How comfortable are you sharing your interests, values, etc. with others whom are strangers or whom you don't know well? Hope this helps, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

I know it's all overwhelming, but I think Lee Varon's book is an excellent start. I also got bogged down in all the information out there, but I think it's best to take it in baby steps & go with your gut. I think the advice to contact a few local agencies is great. I don't know where you live, but many international agencies have regular seminars that are advertised in the newspaper--try looking for local information & attend seminars or information fairs. The best resource is adoptive parents. I am currently waiitng for a referral for a baby girl from China; my paperwork was just logged in last month. I'd be willing to share any particulars about that process if you'd like further information.

Hi Jenny! I read your response to the "help! where do I start?" post and I was wondering if we might be able to correspond... I also just started the process of researching which way I want to go with adoption. You are correct that there is so much information out there and (I think) I have narrowed my adoption field down to three possibilities: an infant from Ukraine, an infant from China and a bi-racial baby from here in the states. I guess I should say "my daughter" (big smile here...that sounds wonderful) since I'd like to adopt an infant girl. I realize that "infant" in the world of adopting can mean 5 mos. & up. I am single, 40 and from east central Illinois. I have my first meeting with an adoption professional on Monday. I also have feelers out there for "friends of friends" who have adopted. How did you decide on China? How long has the process taken? How is a referral made? Have you talked to any single parents that have recently adopted from China? Okay, okay....I've got a bazillion questions but I will wait and see if you are able to correspond. I am not sure how it works on this forum but my direct email is uppitywmn@hotmail.com. Thank you for taking the time! I hope your wait is a short one!

hi there !! I am a single adoptive mom of a beautiful 2 1/2 year old. I had a wonderful experience with the agency that I used. From the time that I had my paper work in to the time she was born was 2 days!! I know this sounds unbelievable but it is always wonderful to have an agency that is looking out for you! If I can be of any help, please let me know!! This was a wonderful infant, domestic adoption! eeyore652001@earthlink.net

Hi - I am single mom-to-be too and I think I know exactly how you feel! My head spins some time from all of the decisions to be made. I thought the Varon book was good, in that it brings up all the issues to consider. I have also read the idiot's guide kind of book, and another basic book on adoption. Those were helpful. I also attended a bunch of informational meetings run by adoption agencies and one by the local catholic family service. That helped, too, just to understand the process and costs and about the homestudy. I also talked to some adoptive parents. For me, I want a baby as young as possible, so as a single, that kind of narrows the playing field. Domestically, I was told that it might be very unlikely that I would be selected by a birth mom since I was single. And that whole domestic process seemed long, uncertain and hard. There does not seem to be a guarantee that you'll get a referral (at least that is what I was told) So I looked internationally. Some countries don't allow singles at all, so that limited choices (like Columbia and Thailand, think Korea too). Some only allow singles to adopt older or special needs (like Phillipines); some are single friendly -- they seem to be Guatemala, Russia, and several other EE countries. China allows singles but has a strict quota system for singles and it can be nearly impossible to find a spot with an agency, so if you are even slightly interested in China I suggest that you should start trying to get on an agency waiting list now. It could take a couple years in all, with the wait. Also the country adoption fees might help you in your decision - the adoption agency fees can vary by nearly 10K per country. Other issues to consider are how open you are to ethnic diversity, would you be OK with a child of a different race. The answer to that can quickly narrow your int'l choices, For example, look to Russia and EE countries if you want to adopt a Caucasian child. I just read "Are Those Kids Yours" which was about transracial adoption by a white woman with two Korean kids. It was good. Interviewed parents and kids. Also I have been researching medical issues about adoption, like attachment disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, and other issues faced by children living in orphanages. Some of these risks seem higher in certain countries than others, but I am not sure of that. That can be a little scary but I highly recommend that you research all of that stuff to understand the risks of adoption. I read "Parenting the Hurt Child" at the recommendation of one agency and that was good. Looking at agencies has been hard. I have stacks and stacks of brochures at home! I call references, surf these forums and chat rooms to see what I hear, and kind of go with my instinct on how the agency seems when I talk to them. Some agencies don't allow you to pick the gender of the child so that might help you narrow your choices if you have a desire for one over the other. Having said all of this, I am still trying to make the final decision on country and agency!!! I am down to a very short list. But I feel pretty well-educated. Getting ready to take the final plunge! Good luck! I am always excited to see other singles doing this too. It is a real leap of faith :)

Jeanniebee--I don't know who told you that you would not get picked by birthmom, but I have to disagree. My son is about to turn a year old in April..and his birthmom chose me..My agency works with several single parents...Is it more difficult to be single vs. married?...yes..But not impossible..My agency thought I would have to wait longer than usual because I already had a 6 year old who I adopted from fostercare..but they were wrong with that...I was put into "the book" in late January..and my son was born 3 months later..so I consider my wait short...I started the entire process in Oct of 02 and was placed with my son in Apr of 03...Just my 2 cents

I am so glad to see more single parents out here. I am a single mom and adopted my daughter from Russia last October. I had very good experience and we are very happy in our new life together. If anyone is looking for info about adopting from Russia as a single parent, feel free to reach out to me. One thought when talking to agencies is to ask for references of other single parents who used the agency. The experience for singles versus couples can vary in an agency. This proved to be helpful to me. Good Luck to you all. The decisions can be difficult, but the results are worth it!

mommyoftwo I was told that by an adoption agency - that did both domestic and int'l - that it was less likely that a single would get picked over a couple. They said that was their experience. Another agency said the same thing. I guess it is up to the birth mother. Can you PM me your agency? I'd like to know more. Thanks.

I agree with Waitininnj - ask for a reference from a single mom. My son is from Bulgaria. The Bulgarian program was very new to my agency when I started. I was the first single parent adoption completed. I agreed to be a mentor for the agency. I have been contacted by my agency a couple times and they asked it I could be contacted directly by others interested in adoption. I very much like the way this is handled. The agency contacts me to ask if I'm willing to communication with a prospective parent. When I agree, they give my email address to that person and that person contacts me directly. I think it makes the prospective parent feel more at ease, that they can ask me things that they may not want to ask the agency. My experience is an open book - good and the little bitty bad part. I've had people ask all kinds of things - how old am I? why adopt as a single? what was it like in-country? what was the orphanage like? what does my son look like? what was it like in transition? So try this, it could be very helpful.

Hi All, A few of you mentioned having positive experiences with the agencies that assisted you in your single parent adoption process. I know we can not mention agency names on the forum, but if you can PM or email me the information, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks...Monica (missmonicaten@aol.com):p