Gay and Lesbian Parenting Forum

I have been following both of these Gay/Lesbian threads, and so far I have not seen a single flaming projectile. Where are those wicked, evil, mean and nasty saboteurs? As someone else point out, if a group of White Supremist's suddenly targeted the Jewish board, and it became an monitoring nightmare, I can't imagine the flak if the administration caved in and just shut it down. Dadfor2 made great points. The advantages of access to a Gay/Lesbian Board extend beyond just that communities' use. Right now where does an adoptive or birth parent go to get special insight and support for their Gay or Lesbian adopted child? Are there resources to help straight parents discuss Gay/Lesbian parenting with their children that just came home and announced, "Bobby has 2 mommies! How come?" . Right now the best we can do on this forum is hope that specific member's like echaos and prairiewood wouldn't mind helping us out. Why not establish a poll to determine how the majority of current members do feel? Find out if there really is much current opposition before the whole concept gets shot down over a few bad apples (that may or may not even still be around). It's not like polls haven't been conducted to test the winds before. Trish

I think Trish's suggestion to establish a poll is an excellent idea. How do you initiate a poll on the forums?

I believe only Moderators and Admin have the ability to create a poll.... Kiwi is out of the office today I believe, so I dont know that I could run the poll idea by her today...but I will if/when she comes in҅either today or Monday. I'll also direct her to this thread so she can answer your questions.

lol.....ARE WE INSANE......lol.....(only kidding) i dont think taken a poll is the answer. (im trying hard not to get political here, but its hard) so what i am gathering is, lets ask people out here is it ok for the g/l parents to have thier own forum..... I dont think its something that needs to be voted on to be honest. I think if the G/L's feel that they would like their own forum because of certain issues they have that other people dont have to deal with...whats the big deal....who are we to say that they shouldnt have it. i dont know, this poll thing just doesnt sit write with me. to me, thats actually looking for problems. adoption is not a democratic process....its real people, with real kids, with real issues.....lets not hear from 'the people'....who really cares what 'the people' have to say.......the only people we need to hear from are the g/l parents that feel it would be helpful...the end!! there are a few lesbian parents from this thread that really would like a forum to address certain issues that differ from other forums already in process. if people do not like the idea, then they do not need to go on the g/l forum...but to deny it for fear of people saying harsh things, isnt fair either. i honestly am having a hard time with this. there are some forums that i havnt even visited yet, i have never went under the international forum yet, because i adopted domestic..and its only cause i dont know what they are talking about...... pink slip?...what the heck is that?....lol. if people are wondering what people think, well, read this thread. i already feel the members have spoken.... regarding the christian site......I did generalize also....sorry about that. I am catholic and belong to a church actually...... dont read into this too much, but i will ask why is there a christian site on here anyway...i never did quite understand that. Im not saying get rid of it or anything...but when i found this forum...it just struck me kinda odd.....lol adoption forum: attachment issues/ special needs/ international/ adoptees/ birth families....then christians.....lol...... it actually stunned me to be honest. I just didnt get it. Maybe someone out their knows....i really would love to know why. i never even thought to put adoption issues and christianity in the same conversation......lol. anyway, kiwi said they wont put the forum on here because of the fear of bigots and hateful remarks ......for me, it means, if you hate enough and are verbal about the hate you have..then guess what.... THEY WON!!......... dadfor2

Well, I can't speak to why there's a Christian forum, but there's a Jewish forum to discuss things like, will my child look different from the congregation? Should we have him/her converted? What kind of naming ceremony did you do? What happens in an open adoption when the birthfamily isn't Jewish? I'm sure there are similar sorts of topics that the Christian board deals with.

sorry...... i just reread my post and didnt know how to edit it. i do apologise if it looks like i was attacking the christian site...... its actually just the opposite....i really dont care if there is a christian site. I have gone on the christian site. I have no problems or issues at all with the christian site or the people. again...sorry, when it re-read it, it looked like i had an issue with that specific forum.....i dont. Just thought it was weird when i first joined. dadfor2

hi spaypets.... actually, i tried to edit and delete that whole last section of my post when i re-read what i wrote....I kept thinking that "uh uh"......and i guess they only give a certain amount of time to edit and i couldnt figure out how to do it....... you posted while i was trying to edit...oh well... i am hoping and praying that i dont get alot of flack now and people are going to start commenting on what i wrote..... when i joined, i saw the jewish site also, but for some reason i understood that....dont know why though, just seemed to make sence that it was there.....cant really explain that one...maybe it was around converting the child or circumcision or something, it just didnt strick me odd...i dont know why to be honest.... but i do apoligize. Please, I dont want this thread to turn in a different direction......if at all possible. dadfor2

I don't think a poll is the right answer here either. I think the best route to go now is to let these 2 threads run and show that A) there is a need as g/l parents do have different issues to face and B) there isn't the bashing / hateful remarks happening that the site saw in the past. And I think that various religions can also have different issues to face, perhaps Jewish families more so then Christian ones like Spaypets pointed out. Does that mean that we should have a Muslin parents board or a Shinto parents board? Maybe, but that's not the point here. The point of the different sections of the boards is to make it easier for people to find a topic that they are looking for. Imagine if they completely un-segregated the boards and all posts were just lumped together in one big pile. The same support and people would still be here, but would any of us take the time to read through it all? Recently there was a post about a birth mother in pain who had "fallen through the cracks" because the birth mothers did not respond to her post and it took an adoptive parent to "find" other birth mothers to come and help. This is a prime example that a new birth mother found the right place to go for support, but we are not so segragate on these boards that someone from outside of that "prime" group felt that they couldn't step up and help. If we didn't have the sections broken out this woman would have probably been overlooked forever and left. So do we need a g/l section? Yes, so that new people coming here can find the help they need. Will it get missused? Maybe, but so do other boards and that just needs to be dealt with as it happens.

No, we're not insane, dadfortwo - just a mild case of spring fever... Seriously though, I do see your point about opening up a poll to all members to gauge the support of a gay/lesbian parent forum might not be a good idea. Maybe a good analogy is right here in Mass: do we need voter approval for gay marriage here? No, it is a constitutional right and the SJC says so. Period. However, maybe a poll would show that the support is there and that would provide the catalyst for admin to support it. Whatever works.

I think a G/L site is an excellent idea, and judging by this thread, many of you are also supportive of such a move. Spay made a good illustration of how the Jewish site is beneficial for the unique issues surrounding Jewish adoptions, and I feel like the G/L site could function in the same way. PinkRibbonAmy is correct about parenting having little to do with sexual orientation, but a large part of our fundamentalist society still has a problem with bigotry and prejudice, creating more of a need to have a strong support area where one can go for answers and feedback. People might even be educated in the process. For whoever is in charge of the forum to shy away on the grounds of possible flack from flamers and other small-minded individuals is a cop-out. In reading the hundreds of threads I have explored over the past few months, I remember one of the moderators welcoming suggestions for new and helpful sites. Isn't this what was requested? Spay, being Jewish, isn't over on the Christian site flaming them because of her beliefs; and Dadfor2 isn't flaming Spay because she is not Catholic. It's diversity that makes us an interesting society, and education that teaches us tolerance and understanding. It seems like another form of discrimination to deny G/L site because of "possible" negative postings. Stevie

dadfor2: "i just reread my post and didnt know how to edit it." At the right hand corner of posts there is an "edit" link. You have 60 minutes to edit or delete your words. I am one of the many that have posted on various threads, that have stated that they don't differentiate between what "forum" a thread is posted on. I look at "new threads" and read and post on whatever interests me and whatever I feel I have something to contribute. IMO, if whoever is reading it feels I don't have something to contribute, they can skip my post. IMO, an adopted child is just that. An adopted child. I had an extremely positive experience as an adopted child. I want to share that positive experience. I personally don't care if it is with a G/L parent situation, a single parent situation, a Christian parent situation or whatever. I personally feel that my experience has value to adoptive parents that sincerely want input from a person that was adopted ~ no matter what their personal situation is. I personally was slammed when I posted on a thread in the Christian Adoptive Parents Forum. It never occurred to me that Christian Adoptive Parents would not be receptive to what a Christian Adoptee felt or wanted to share, but at that moment in time, with those that were then posting on that particular forum, my input was not welcome. Does that mean that the forum should have been "removed"? I certainly would hope not. Everyone is entitled to have their space whether everyone else likes it or not. I have read the thread that was an offshoot of this thread, and while it doesn't apply to my personal situation, I find it very interesting and have subscribed to it. The world as we know it has progressed. Just because some choose to stay in a bigoted state, is no reason to deny others a place to voice their reality, IMO. I sincerely hope that those that desire a G/L forum are granted such, but if not, I hope their discussion thread is allowed to continue.

Just wanted to say how much I would welcome a forum addressing concerns specific to G/L adoption. I have mostly been a "lurker" on the boards, but have learned so much from all sides of the triad that has helped me and my partner in the early months of our open, kinship adoption. A G/L forum definitely wouldn't keep me from looking at other forums for help and support, but it would give me a place where I'd feel comfortable posting about issues specific to being a lesbian adoptive parent. Thanks for raising the issue echaos.

I have been lurking on the boards for sometime too. I am happy to have found this thread. We adopted a 14 day old boy in November and I quit my job to be a stay at home dad. The adjustment from Corporate America to stay-at-home-dad has been difficult for me. I was used to interacting with lots of people and traveling weekly. My life changed overnight, and though grateful for the miracle in my life, I sometimes feel lonely and isolated. Being a stay-at-home-dad in a gay relationship makes me feel even more different. It is comforting to know there are others with similar experiences.

cosmo even though im not gay, my wife works so many hours and even though i work, i was in charge of everything..... being a stay at home dad...or being a dad who is the primary caregiver...is tough. so keep posting here, you can still get some support from dads, there are a few of us out here. im not really sure if its easier for moms to do this...but i do wonder sometimes. dadfor2

As a gay man who is just entering the adoption world, with interests to adopt, I would find a special forum immensely useful!