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Hello,
My son was adopted about one year ago, when he was 11. He is now 12. For the past 5-6 months or so, he has been exhibiting some strange behavior. He always wants to be held or carried. I do not support this, because I believe this would be babying him. Basically, he is too old to be carried. My wife, on the other hand, has completely given into this. Now, I believe he is being carried too much for a boy his age. This is basically how it is set up:
He is always carried out of the car and into the house.
He is always carried to bed from wherever he is. (He is usually in the living room, though. My wife will come in and have him stand on the couch. She will then lift him up and carry him to his bedroom)
He is always carried out of the shower or bath, and into his bedroom.
He is sometimes carried into a store; depending if he is tired or not.
He is always carried when we go to a theme park; he refuses to walk long distances.
-He is about 4'9 in height, and he weighs 70 pounds. He is slightly small for his age. However, we are quite capable of lifting him up or carrying him.
Thank you, any advice will be accepted. I would just like to know why he always wants to be carried.:)
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hi all,
well, acutally, i have been reading along, and please dont take offence....but was wondering when one of you were going to figure it out......lol.
you guys are the best....and i know you really were trying to help.
just an FYI, im a guy, and a heatlhy one at that, and i cant pick up my 8 yr old up as much as his wife, these kids get heavey......
again, you guys are the best...lol.
dadfor2
ok, im sorry....i did get some amuzement reading on here.....i never said i was a mentally healthy man...did i....lol
i thought something was a little fishy, thats why i kept my message real short, but gave an opinion just in case....
but your write crick, i will have to admit I wasnt sure until mid way down on the second page....then it just got to weird.
again, im sorry guys....i pinkie swear that i will let you all know again....
dadfor2
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Weird. I read the whole thing and that is all I can say.
I also have adopted an 11 year old, but wouldn't go to the extremes as carrying him around all of the time. He is too old. (I also find it odd for a pre-adolescent to be carried naked out of the shower by his mother.) Weird, whoever wrote this is very strange.
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LOL, what a title. Strange behavior indeed, trolling usuually is that--strange behavior.
On the off chance that someone with REAL issues might read this thread, actually make it to the end and then feel horrible, I'll add a real life post-note.
We WERE recommended by our adoption case worker to try bottlefeeding for bonding with our 7 year old son. I laughed at her. Not because I'm opposed to it, it can be benificial for some children with bonding and reparenting issues. I laughed because I knew our son had been breastfed as an infant. The theory is that the reparenting can take a child back to an emotional place when they were an infant. My thoughts were that a breastfed child would find a bottle completely foriegn. And, my thoughts were right. My son lovingly watched his baby sister nurse and was happy to talk about and relive what we know his first mother did with him without ever needing to purchase a bottle. Getting to watch his baby sister nurse brought back memories for him from when his life was simple and innocent, and sharing those memories with me were bonding enough.
Second, my son (not quite 8) IS this size and weight. I'll caution that I sincerely doubt a 12 year old can be this size. But, if they are, then by law in most states they need to be in a booster seat. Most states now require booster seats for children up to 80lb, and other states are moving in that direction now. So, my son does require a booster seat at nearly 8. That's not about regression, its about safety. The same safety that made me nearly clock him (figure of speech, didn't really do it) when he tried to climb into the baby's stroller. Strollers are rated for up to 40lb. The most expensive strollers are rate to possible 45-50lb. None are safe with a child of this weight, as my son learned when Mom got irritated and he nearly broke the stroller. That wasn't regression either, he thought it was a cool toy.
As for carrying a child of this size. I'm fairly good sized. I can do it--if he's throwing a tantrum and I'm forced to do so. More likely, if he needs closeness I cuddle him in a rocking chair, its much gentler on my back. Dh has managed to carry him to bed a handful of times, but its difficult. But then, I don't see a real issue with carrying a 7 year old on a rare occasion. But, for anyone reading this with a child of this height and weight (which my son is at 7), a word of caution, your back is going to HATE you for repeatedly carrying a child of this size. Its a good incentive to finding a compromise for carrying. (My son is content for me to lift him out of the van, giving him a hug and a kiss as I set him on the ground and he walks places.) Oh yeah, don't try to put a kid this size into the seat of the shopping cart. You might not get them out. BTDT, he prefers the back of the cart now, if he wants to sit at all. OTOH, the back of a cart is an excellent place to put a child this size who is easily overwhelmed by sights and sounds while shopping. His first trip to the grocery store, he was speechless. He had never seen so much food in his life. By sitting in the cart (with a coat handy to throw over his head if necessary). But, don't stick them in the seat.