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My advice is to tell your child at an early age that they were adopted. Don't tell them excessively, just every once in a while say something about it, and let the child ask as many questions as they want about it. Believe me. I have never known a time that I didn't know I was adopted, cause my parents told me very early on. Throughout the years, they have answered my questions to the best of their ability, and are supportive of my longing to find either my birth mom or dad, or maybe even both. It's great to know that my "real" parents support me wanting to find at least one of them, because they know how important it is to me. Just make sure that you tell the kid, and don't let them find out on their own. Everything would go over much easier if YOU tell them.
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I'm sure everyone would agree with that Texas. It's almost like an unwritten law now days. On a lighter side - it was sometimes very reassuring to know I was adopted when my parents did something stupid or embarrassing. Deep down i could tell myself that at least i don't have their genes!
I also was told from day one and it made things somuch easier.
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I totally agree. I don't remember being told, I just always knew. Maybe it also helped that my younger brother was also adopted, so I didn't feel alone in it. I think the shock of finding out something so integral to who you are must be difficult (if not devastating) for most adoptees. I think I would have also felt betrayed if I thought my parents had not been honest with me.
Instead, I remember as a small girl hearing the stories of how long they waited for me, how my mom scrubbed the house every day for weeks before the home visit, and checked every safety aspect she could think of, and how she couldn't sleep for two nights before the county put me in her arms. There are pictures of me as a 2 month old infant looking somewhat puzzled as my new "mom" held me with tears rolling down her face. Seeing and hearing all those memories made it easy to feel special, loved, and very blessed. Of course, how you tell is equally important. As soon as I was old enough for that kind of discussion, I remember my mom telling me, matter of factly, but with loads of compassion, how difficult a choice it must have been for my birth mother, and how young she had been. It was always discussed openly and lovingly, which I think went a long way towards making me feel "ok" with my birth mother's choice, and my adoptive family.
Of course, I gather that open or semi-open adoptions are more common these days (which was just not much of an option in the early 1960s!), so perhaps the "telling" vs. "not telling" is not as much of a debate nowadays....
i totally agree i was adopted when i was young and like you i have always been told that iam adopted. one of my close friends is also adopted and he was told when he was 15 about his adoption it hurt him that his parents had kept this from him don't hide it from you child it's not fair it's some thing that sets us apart but can also bring you and your child closer together.