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Well, it has taken a lot of courage, patience and dedication for me to absorb reality. Being only 25 Years Old, married for 2 years, and with 3 kids, I would have to say that "Love" for my children are far more important than anything else in the world.
My story is long, but I would like to share it, that is, in a nut shell.
I meet my husband in 2000, and was fully aware of the fact that he had two daughter's and was fighting for primary physical custody. Knowing his family for several year's, I felt in my heart that I loved my husband and his daughters. I accepted the girls and they accepted me! The court battle consisted of: Mediation, hearing dates, DNA issues, no shows ( that is from the opposite party), temp. custody to her, home studies, parenting classes, and so on. After fighting a tough court battle between their biological mother and not following any orders, the judge awarded us Primary Physical custody, with her to have them alternating weekends, Holidays, and etc. She has failed to do any of her part. In fact the last time she visited and talked to the "girls", was on Dec. 13, 2002. She hasn't offered a cent for their care, education or medical. Although, for sake of frustration and stablitiy for the girls, we figured it is best to not ask. Their have been no birthday cards or nothing from her, however, their grandmother has sent a birthday card and Christmas card here and there, but hasn't seen them for atleast 4 years now.
Then my husband and I had a son together. In which, the girls have adapted well, and know that I love all three just the same.
Presently, it has been brought to the surface that my husband is using Meth. Oh my and I am sure if you have experienced what Meth can do to a person, would probably say, Good Luck! But that is a whole other issue! Thus, knowing the "Girl's" background and loving them dearly I felt it is to all of our best interest to adopt them. They are open to my choice and am grateful that I am there for them emotionally, physically, and financially.
In fact I called and tried to talk to her, in shock that I would call and ask such a thing? DUH!
Since, I am new to the process, I wanted to ask for some advice, support and sucess stories. Well, I am open to the not so success stories too!
Living in Riverside County CA, I would like to know how long it may take for a contested and/or uncontested adoption?
HOW TO GET her TO SIGN CONSCENT FORM?
Advice on talking to kids coping with adoption?
Adoptive parent support groups?
Any do's and don'ts of stepparent adoption?
Don't forget to tell your children you "Love" them.
Best, Renee
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Dear Rene,
my heart goes out to you and your situation. I know by your letter that you love these little girls very much. How sad after all the stuff they have gone through with their birthmom and now the father does this to his family too.
My prayers go out to you and your family.
Hugs & GOD Bless
Terri
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Seeing as how your husband is currently using this is going to affect a stepparent adoption. They will ask that in a background check for the stepparent adoption.
Your case is sticky. You really need to contact an attorney.
You may have to file for a guardianship instead and that can lead to an adoption later. As long as you have your husband in the house and he is using, as far as the state is concerned you are putting yourself and the children at risk. Contact an attorney. Many give a free initial consult.
Good Luck!!
First, Kallen330's advise is VERY important. An attorney is your best bet for this to work out, especially in a sensitive situation as drug use is concerned.
That being said, here is a good bit of strategy my attorney gave me (and I was recently notified that my stepdaughter's biofather's rights have been terminated and I started my adoption at the end of April of this year, so his advice has worked for me thus far).
First thing you need to do is start the process of adoption before getting the biomom more involved in signing anything. This is important because a judge will factor in whether or not the biomom took steps on her own to keep contact with the children BEFORE you started the adoption. Her actions taken after the paperwork is filed will be viewed as a reaction to you. This positions you better. In other words, if she is only trying to contact her kids because you want to adopt, this will hurt her in court. Also, remember that the termination of her rights must be attached to your adoption order because the court won't terminate until there is someone else (you) to immediately take on the role.
After that, you can then approach her with the proposal of having her voluntarily terminating her rights. In a stepparent adoption case, you will be assigned a social worker to review your case and approve the adoption. In my case, this same person helped facilitate the opportunity for the biofather to terminate rights voluntarily (even though he didn't ultimately agree). I am sure they can do the same for you.
If she won't sign, it sounds like you have a good shot at abandonment. I believe the rule in California is 1 year of no contact or support = abandonment. If you can prove she has had no contact for more than that, she will have a hard time proving her side (if she fights at all).
I highly recommend having legal counsel on this. An attorney can be very expensive, but even if you can hire one to just guide you, it is worth it in my opinion, especially since you have to deal with the added layer of your husband's Meth issue.
I really hope this works out for you. Good luck and keep fighting. There will be a ton of times your stomach will be in knots and you will lose sleep, but it is worth it in the end.
Thanks for all the info! The judge has terminated the biomom's rights. After all interviews with the social worker and stating she was unwilling to give up the rights, and stating that she would appear at court. The biomom did not appear at court and her rights have been terminated. Next is the adoption hearing. As for my husband he has been sober for 3 months now and it is so wonderful to know that God has worked his plan within our family.