Just Chosen! Long Wait Ahead ... HELP!

hi I am a firstmother in am very open LDS adoption my son is now almost 2. I realize your fear of this. but I actually think you are veyr bless for having as much time as you have coming from my end. I have alot of regret in my situation. Due to the fact that I never got to know these people who adopted my baby and there has been a great amount of hurt and miscumunication due to the lack of comunications before I placed. We both wanted two very diffrent kinds of adoptions to them an open adoption due to the lack of thing LSDSS really tells you was diffrant them mine. so Please get to know this younge lady ask her all her needs and wants for comunication for the first 6 months after placment then how you feel about things yeas from know. get to know and resect this young lady for she is the firstmother of your child. Gain a trust in her. And what ever she does desided remeber this is her decition and she has to be 100% sure or she will go through the things I have had to and it is not a place I wish for anyone. so take these months ask her all about her gain a friendship tell her all the things you want her to know about you.... she will be much more at ease and at peace I promise you that!!! good luck. are you adopting through ldsss because normaly they wont let first mother chose there familys so soon. But in some cases I have herd of it just was wondering.... good luck and all will work out well.. KZacharyC

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooooooo happy for you. Jen

We connected with Ryan's bfamily when his bmom was only 8 weeks pregnant. Honestly, at times it felt like he was never going to be born! I think one of the positive aspects of this early connection was that we were able to build a strong relationship - one that stands today. Of course, there was always the fear that they would choose to parent. We understood one of the 'red flags' in adoption is that a pbparent makes a plan early in pregnancy, when it's more a concept than a real moving person in them. Keep busy, do lots of other things - travel, eat out, see movies, read books. Build a relationship based on honesty and trust. Say everyday 'if they choose to parent, we'll be OK' because you will. Guard part of your hearts. Hang in Regina, Amom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Thanks everybody! We really, really love this sweet young lady. She's been our friend already for two months, and honestly we didn't think she'd make a decision so soon. We are so excited ... most of our fears are just the normal ones. It has nothing to do with us doubting her. She is a very smart young woman, and she will make the right decision. We've already told her that we want her to be able to talk to us about anything at all, and if she feels she needs to make a different decision, then that is only for her to decide. This has really been a spiritual experience so far. Yes, we are going through LDSFS ... but she actually saw our profile on the website, and started e-mailing us that way. She is so awesome and so beautiful, and no matter what happens, we will always remember her and she will always be our friend. If this does go through, it will be so perfect - this is what I always imagined our relationship with "our" birthmother to be like ... I can't wait to meet her in person; I can't wait to give her the biggest hug in the world. It feels like she's my long-lost sister or something. It's a really great feeling. Anyway ... don't want to ramble. Mostly, I was just "worried" because I didn't want to go out already and start buying baby things. Is it too early? I want to let myself get excited, but I also need to keep my guard up a bit for my own heart. But, sheesh! It just feels so right, maybe I'm just thinking too much. Thanks again, everyone!!! :) Amy

Amy My name is Jenny I placed almost three years ago through the LDS adoption agency it started off as a semi open adoption and has moved into a completely open adoption I am so glad that I placed her with this family because they were always so respectful of me and what ever decision I would make. I can tell by reading your post that you are also a very supportive person and I just wanted thank you because with out people like you people like me would never make it I hope you get exactly what you want all my love and respect for being so strong in what I am sure must be the hardest time of your life.

The long wait can be hard. With our third adoption we knew just after the birthmother found out she was pregnant. The best thing to do is to keep busy! Learn something new. Go somewhere with your husband that you've never been before. Somewhere that will be difficult to go after you have your baby. Get involved with your local LDSFS group, they always need volunteers. Summer is a great time to wait because there is SO much to do. It will be here before you know it. Jen

Congrats on your match! What an exciting time for you and your hubby. I love the suggestions of going and doing something great with your hubby. Cause once you have children in your home, it is the last time you will be able to do something alone together, without having to worry about a babysitter, or such... Good luck, and ALLOW yourself to be excited! Stephanie

I hope everything is going well! Keep us updated :)

Jenny (3xamom), Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad your placement has gone well so far! To be honest, I was a little bit "reserved" about open adoption in the beginning, but I think I was just being naive. After getting to know our sweet birthmom, we just love her so much, I can't imagine not having her in our lives!! We truly love her so much, and we really care about how her life goes - if she makes another decision, we will know that it is the right one. She's a very smart young woman, and we have a lot of faith in her. Thanks to everyone for your suggestions!! We are Disneyland freaks, so we're planning a trip to Disneyland in September. My birthday is in less than a month, so I can focus on that ... then my husband's in at the end of July, then it's our anniversay ... then Disneyland ... then baby. So, I've got little "goal dates" to get myself to. He he. We are so excited, too, because our birthmom has some relatives in our state (she's from a different state than us), and she's going to be moving here soon. Hopefully she'll want to meet us ... we sure want to meet her! :) Anyway ... I'll keep you all updated! Good luck to everyone in their endeavors in life, no matter what stage it's in. ;) Amy

Hi! Just wanted you to know that we have also recently been matched and the baby is not due until November, so birthmom is not quite 3 months pregnant. We are using this time to prepare for the baby and we are really thankful for the time to get to know the baby's birthmom. She is amazing and she is becomming a huge part of our hearts. We will be lucky enough to be a part of the pregnancy, ultrasounds, birth etc.....This is a gift that words can not express the meaning of. Although the risk of her choosing to parent is there, we just tell ourselves that what is meant to be will be. Worst case scenario will be that although our hearts will be broken, we have made a friendship with an exceptional woman. A friendship we will always treasure. Of course we will be extremely sad if the adoption does not go through, but we are trying not to torture ourselves with the "what ifs" during this precious time we have to spend with our future baby's birth mom and to enjoy the pregnacy. Anyhow...feel free to pm me and we can share our excitement and anxieties together if you would like. Julia

Julia - thank you so much! We feel the same about our birthmom ... she is just so awesome, and she will be our friend forever no matter what happens!! We are planning to "announce" to our family this week. We're going to have t-shirts made for each DH and I: Front of t-shirt: Coming in October, 2004 ... Back of t-shirt: It's a GIRL!! I'm really starting to let myself get more excited. It just doesn't seem real yet, either. I'm sure it'll sneak right up on us. :) Hope everyone has a GRRRRRRRRREAT week! Amy