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i just graduated over from the 'before adoption' board. after 17 mo of waiting we finally got 'the call'.
I dont want to blind anyone so IҒll give you all the short version, HA!
On Friday the 5th of march around 1:30 cali time, I got a call at work from the Georgia office of our agency asking if we were interested in a biracial baby girl born Feb. 25th in Florida. That we had 15 min to decide and that if we said yes we had to be in FL(we are in CA) by Monday to take the baby home from the hospital otherwise she would go into foster care. I talked to my husband and we decided (somehow) we could handle it financially, so we said yes. Saturday the bmom called us around 7pm, we talked for about an hour. We have So many things in common it is unreal. Her dad a drafter, designer like DH. Her mom was a preschool teacher like me. She has red hair, fair skin and freckles like DH. But the Most awesome thing, the kickerђ that sealed it for us, what made us know that Emily was ours was when she let it slip in passing that she had named the baby Emily, not even knowing about us or that that was the name we had chosen. She is truly a Very strong and intelligent person. Anyway, by the end of the conversation with DH she was basically telling him she had chosen us but wanted to sleep on it and we found out 7am Sunday morn for sure that she had chosen us. By 10:30 Sunday night we were on the red-eyeђ to Florida.
We got into Orlando around 6am FL time and then drove 2- hrs to Jacksonville where the bmom and baby were. We went to our room to freshen up and then went and met bmom. We had breakfast with her and she took us to the hospital to meet Emily. bmom did all this with NO adoption counselors, social workers and very little support from family and friends. bfather wanted nothing to do with any of it. he signed the papers and that was it. tho in his defense he didnt even know about the pg or the baby till she was already born and bmom had signed her papers. We met bmoms best friend at the hospital. The first time we saw Emily we fell in love! Tho I have to say while we waited outside the NICU to see her I just had to lean into DH and whisper, ݓwhat are we gonna do if shes ugly? ғ.LOL
Of Course she was Just the most beautiful thing we had/have ever seen. And in perfect health. Anyway, we got started on the feedings and lessons; she was in NICU because she was 5 weeks preemie. We went to dinner with bmom, her boyfriend(not the bfather) and his best friend that night. This was the extent of her support system in this whole thing. They are the Most wonderful people. So strong and so caring. But I have said that before. Anyway on Tuesday we went back to the hospital and met with the Florida agencyŒs lawyer and Emily Rose was discharged to us around 2:30PM. (5 days after we knew she existed, we had our baby girl!!! ) We drove 6 hours to West Palm Beach on Wednesday and stayed with DH's aunt (to save a little money) until the Monday the 15th when both FL and Cali said we could leave the state and come home. Wait backtrack Em and I got stuck in auntie's elevator on the day we arrived. Me being claustrophobic it made things very scary, while Emily slept right through it all ......ok back to the story. We couldnŒt get a plane out until Wednesday the 17th at 7am so the next morning we drove back to Orlando and spent yet another night in a hotel and got up Very early, after getting off the plane we went to our agency's office to fullfill one of our post placement visits (it is right next to LAX) and were home by 2:00 Wednesday afternoon Cali time. WHEW!!!
Life is Wonderful!!!! Tho I am still getting used to being woke up out of a dead sleep by a shrill screamlol but IŒll get used to that. We have waited SO long to have her in our lives and now that she is here, we know why He made us go thru all that we did and the wait that we did. Cuz SHE is the one we were supposed to have. I know that this sounds just crazy, but I am So glad that All our IF stuff' failed, because if any one of them had worked we wouldnђt have her. And I cant imagine my life without Her now.
we've been home for 2 mo. now and all are settling quite well. we have had a few strange looks and questions about our 'difference' in looks, but we will get thru it. we are attending our agency's support group and searching for a local group for afamilies with mixed races. we plan to make sure our daughters heritage is honored throughout her life. any advice on how to do that and how our lives will change is very welcome.
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Congratulations to you and your family! Such a great story to tell little Emily as she grows!
My only advice-----being the momma to seven children of various ethnic backgrounds.....is to perhaps not use the term, 'mixed', when referring to Emily's racial background. Who of us is "not mixed"? Someone on the boards once said that the term 'mixed' should only be used when referring to 'mixed drinks'. And, sometimes, people are taken back when the term is used.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I mean no disrespect. I've heard our own agency refer to AA and bi-racial babies as, 'Babies of Color', and I don't think this term is the greatest, but one that is accepted by others, I think.
Perhaps to say that your family is now an 'interracial family'....which it wonderfully is!
I wish you well. It sounds like you have your family headed in the right direction, joining a support group and such!
Best of luck to you all....
Sincerely,
Linny
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thanks linny, being so new to a situation, all the adivice i can get is great. when you are planning an adoption or to adopt it is very easy to think of things in the abstract, like we will honor her heritage and learn about her culture and history and make it a part of our lives so that she knows who she is and where she fits into this world and that she does fit into this family, but when the time is actually here and you have a defined heritage and culture to add to your own, knowing just how to put it to use in everyday life is another story.
i never want to stop learning about our lives together. i never thought of the whole 'mixed' thing, but it makes sense. i was talking about our whole family being mixed, like you said who isnt, my DH is irish/dutch and i am have some native am/irish. but you are right most people dont think in those terms so it may sound like i am just talking about our daughter. i have read 'trans racial' and i kinda like that term too. glad to learn these things now, so i can get into good habits before she gets old enough to realize my ignorance. and i surely dont want to offend anyone who might be a potential support system.
thanks again.
I had to laugh when you said to your dh what if she's ugly. When we were at hospital waiting to meet our dd all the nurses kept coming over and fussy how beauitful she was, i said to my dh, this baby looks like a troll doll and they are afraid to tell us. As you can see from the picture, she is no troll she is beautiful and was from the beginning, we loved her immediately also.
Best of luck to the whole family. We are also learning more each day.