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I am registered with the place where I was adopted 45yrs ago here in Montreal. I started doing a search, but here in Quebec and there are tons of rules. I have followed all of them, going through the process step by step. Then the social worker handling this called last night. They have *located* my birthmom. She is alive! Now they will make contact with her to see if she will have contact with me. I am a NERVOUS wreck waiting for the phone to ring. I so much want contact, but am extremely fearful of the possilbility she will want nothing to do with me after all of these years. If she says yes, they said the next step is a letter to my bmom with non-disclosing information, sent to the social worker at the agency, and they will give it to her. I have not a clue what to write in this letter. Pease, any ideas would really help me. I know I desperately want a medical history as I have been very ill over the years - better now. But I have so many questions. What is appropriate and sensitive. I want her to know that I am a compassionate person.... but right now I feel lost, teary and just scared to death she will refuse contact. So I thought if I start the letter and get prepared, it might help?
Please, I'm so new to all this. And on emotional overdrive at the moment. I feel like I won't be able to breathe again until I know that she will hear from me. I need for this to work. Please, any help is appreciated!
Thanks,
Foresty
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[font=Comic Sans MS]I feel like i know all of you on here because, i have (tried to) read all the posts on here. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I am a different type of adoptee because my bmom and my mom are best friends. They have been best friends since they my b mom was 16 and my mom was 18 and they are both in their forties now.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I sympathise with the people waiting for replys, because when i was legally adopted in 1999 i had to wait for a reply from my bdad to give his consent (I don't know if the adoptive system is any different in the uk where i am than in America, but both bparents have to give their consent) and i had to wait for 6 weeks.[/font]
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Hi All
Well I see my last post said I would visit my bson in the spring...
So much has gone wrong since then and so much right as well.
He told me in no uncertain terms a day after my birthday in April to leave him alone!!! Which was awful.
The good thing I think I needed to be told to give him space...
I have done that and we have had about 4 email contacts since April... I spoke to him for his birthday in August and he off his own sent me a whole lot of photos of his eldest son's birthday in Sept. (3 years)
Also a one one SMS "Thanks for the birthday wishes for the youngest boy (2 years in Oct.)
So that is that. . . I will leave all the contact up to him from now.
I am fine with this - I seem to have gone through that emotional barrier of thinking about him all the time and perhaps also trying to manipulate responses from him.
I am getting on with my life, fortunately I have been working full time since February and my mind is occupied the whole day which has really helped me heal.
Think of you all often and was so pleased to see the post from Kath for an update. . .
;)
Forestgreen
I am registered with the place where I was adopted 45yrs ago here in Montreal. I started doing a search, but here in Quebec and there are tons of rules. I have followed all of them, going through the process step by step. Then the social worker handling this called last night. They have *located* my birthmom. She is alive! Now they will make contact with her to see if she will have contact with me. I am a NERVOUS wreck waiting for the phone to ring. I so much want contact, but am extremely fearful of the possilbility she will want nothing to do with me after all of these years. If she says yes, they said the next step is a letter to my bmom with non-disclosing information, sent to the social worker at the agency, and they will give it to her. I have not a clue what to write in this letter. Pease, any ideas would really help me. I know I desperately want a medical history as I have been very ill over the years - better now. But I have so many questions. What is appropriate and sensitive. I want her to know that I am a compassionate person.... but right now I feel lost, teary and just scared to death she will refuse contact. So I thought if I start the letter and get prepared, it might help?Please, I'm so new to all this. And on emotional overdrive at the moment. I feel like I won't be able to breathe again until I know that she will hear from me. I need for this to work. Please, any help is appreciated! Thanks,Foresty
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Wow Cyd, Congratulations, that is wonderful news about the wedding and the planned trip. Quite a bit different from your last post!!! I am really happy for you!!! :clap:
Richard, I answered your post via email with a bit more information than I can post here..I hope it helps. Good luck with the search!!
Christi - Your new reunion coaching website at myreunioncoach.com is absolutely amazing and so very helpful!!!! I am SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!! :cheer: :clap: You were such a huge help to me during my search and reunion, and you kept me so grounded, I learned so many coping skills from you, and am sure many more people will too. You my dear friend are the BEST!!
My reunion is going extremely well... everybody has fallen into a comfortable routine, and we are moving forward with our new lives.... I was so lucky and blessed with the friends that I made here on this forum that I will always be grateful. Now that I am home a bit more, I hope that I can be around to contribute more than when work took up all of my time!!!
I wonder how everybody else is doing?? Pink, Terry, Lisa, Cheryl, how about a quick update!
:) Hello everyone
My ticket is booked and I am flying to England in two weeks times to visit my son!!! It is just over 2 years since our 1st f2f, and we have had lots of ups and downs since then. I am a totally changed person from then I have ֓listened to him needing space and have given it to him. If he does not answer my emails, I have not taken it personally.
My hubby had a business trip opportunity to go to England and I am able to go as well.
I let my bson know and left it to him to arrange a meeting Ԗ I would have been happy with 1 hour He emailed me yesterday and has made plans for me to stay overnight at his houseօ :woohoo: I will meet his wife and my 2 grandsons for the 1st time as well.
His aparents also want to meet me, so has made plans for that to happen as well. Then he is also taking me to meet his sister (amom fell pregnant when he was 9 months old) and her husband.
I know it will be a very emotional time for all concerned, but am trusting the Lord to bring us through this.
Love from a very happy Cyd :cheer:
Hope to hear from the oldies on tis thread?
cyd.... I have watched you go through some serious roller coaster bumps.... and it is WONDERFUL to see that PATIENCE... staying available and not taking it personally have helped you be there - for this opportunity.
And to meet his family... see his home.... WOW WOW WOW....
I am so very thrilled for you!
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Hello all
Well I am home had a wonderful visit with son, met his wife, she is so gorgeous - in looks and in nature. The two boys stole my heart ֖ they are the cutest little boys you could ever wish to meet!!!
I am not sure if they have been told who I am, but perhaps they are still a bit young for that!! They just called me by my name. I had to help with teeth brushing and tucking up in bed, it was just a precious time.
I also met the adoptive parents lovely, lovely people ֖ they shared so much with me about him, which has really helped me in understanding him a little better. They also gave me copies of his school photos and sports photos.
When we said our goodbyes, I could feel him withdrawing a bit understandably so ֖ I think he is processing the visit now, as I am as well. His mom said he has gone VERY QUIET since I left, and will not talk to them about me at all.
I have lots of lovely photos, and they also made me a DVD of their wedding in February. I must tell you when I watched it here at home I virtually cried the whole way through.
My demons are being faced and I seem to be dealing with them, one at a time, even though to put it mildly it is hard. He is really so brave to have me come and stay under his roof, quite amazing.
I did have a couple of panic attacks, could not breathe, and had to literally pull myself together.
His wife shared something special with me saying that He has changed since he found me, that he is much more secure in himself, knowing his rootsӔ. I will say the same for me I have also changed for the better, knowing where he is and how he is.
Love to you all on this thread, thanks for your support and prayers over the last while ֖ I really appreciate it, I will keep you all updated as my story unfolds.
:thankyou:
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Your story brings back memories. I was reunited with my daughter after 21 years and I too had to write a letter to her telling her why I wanted to meet her, etc. and she also was to write me a letter. I can tell you I wrote that letter over at least 10 times-it had to be perfect. it had to have the perfect words that she would just want to run and meet me. There are no perfect words. I just said what was in my heart. The reasons why I placed her, a little about my life. It was the most scariest thing I have done in my life next to placing her for adoption. Everything has turned out fine. we are great friends, we don't get to talk as much as we would like-she is in the south and I am in the east. I won't go on and on, but just wanted to say, good luck, and go with your heart.