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I am wondering here, are we what birthmoms look for? I am 34 yrs old and my Husband is 35. I have children from a previous marriage but my husband has none. He is an only child and his father passed away when he was just 14, at the time a son needs his father most. His mother is in bad health. He is from a small family and I am from a large extended family. My family knows no strangers. My Aunt and uncle has raised their 3 children and have since adopted 4 more children and foster many more... My family is very loving and nurturing. My husband loves children as well as my family.... Since I have kids from a previous does this look bad to a birthmother. We would like a semi open or open adoption... BUt if the right birthmother comes along if she so wishes we may consider a closed adoption. What do yall think?? I dont take offense very easy , so have at the opions...
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I also wanted my child to be an only child. The aparents have no chance of having babies on their own, but do want a second. Even though they want a second, I loved everything else in their profile, and felt they were a better fit than some of the couples who only wanted the one child. I guess it all depends and none of us want exactly the same thing for our bchild. I refused to even ask about religion, I didnt want that to play a part in my decision, but I did ask about what they do for fun. I wanted a more active couple.
When I was looking at profiles, I wanted a married couple, with no biological children, and zero possibility of having biological children.
This is my opinion on an adoptive child being an only child. If I were a birthomom I wouldnt want my child that I am putting up for adoption to be an only child, because it is a lonely life. My Dh was an only child and says he HATED it. I have talked to other only children adn they didnt like it either. Now there are a few that liked it dont get me wrong but having sibs is nice, you have a constant companion and friend. I have 2 daughters that fight like cats and dogs, but they love each other dearly. When they are apart they mourn to have their sib there.... I remember fight with my sister growing up but I loved her dearly and still do, it is just part of growing up, that good ole sibling rivalary.... Well there is my outlook on it... ALso there is no guarntee that the child you bore will always be an only child, they may adopt or have more later.. Maybe now they say no more but who knows what 2morrow brings! Also is being an only child what the birthmom wishes she were? How do you know that your child would agree with you when older, they might want sibs? Dh says in his opioion (an only childs view point) that is self centered and selfish to want to put that on any child.. BEING ALONE!!! I am not posted this to have backlashes, I am just posting an opioion and a view point of an only child...
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eagermommy,
Your hubby sounds a bit like mine, on this issue! He was an only child, too. I have a sister. Well, guess what... we disagree on the sibling issue. I only want one kid; he wants at least two. He says he missed having a sib growing up.
As for what bmoms look for.... I considered couples who already had kids and couples who didn't have any. I chose a couple who didn't have any. It was one of the few joys for me, in the whole adoption process-- getting to tell someone that they would be parents for the FIRST TIME.
I knew going into it they wanted more than one. When they decided to start the process to adopt their second, it was a bit of a blow for me. But I NEVER said anything negative (it was their decision, not mine-- I relinquished the rights to decide on whether Marie would have sibs when I relinquished her for adoption). NOW, I cannot imagine Marie's parents not having Maya. She is such a joy, and the two girls are great together.
I think, FOR ME, it was kind of an ego-centric thing........ Like, "This child I gave you should be enough!!!!!" I think it's because I wanted her SO MUCH, I couldn't imagine "needing" another child, too. Totally wrong attitude. LIke I said, it's changed.
BTW, there are bparents out there who actually DO want sibs for their bkids, and will only consider couples who already have kids. So it goes both ways. Every bmom is different in what she's looking for.
Hi, I'm an adoptive mom to a two year old boy. We love him like crazy and he has filled that longing in my heart for a child yet we want him to have a sibling. I explain it like this, we have so much love for him that it's spilling over! I'm an only child and didn't mind it because I never knew differently but I was avery social individual and occasionally wished I had a sibling to talk to. I see my son the same way. He goes nuts over babies and loves playing with friends. yesterday we had a 19 mo old and a 3 mo old over and he was calling them his brother and sister! He also knows that babies come from tummies since my friend is pregnant and told him this. He often touches my stomach and says "Mommy have a baby?" "I have brother?" He also thinks his belly button is his baby! Ok, I could go on with cute stories...
His birthmother knows that we are hoping to adopt again since I wrote to her and told her, but I haven't heard back from her. It's interesting reading posts on this forum from birthmoms because it TOTALLY helps me understand what A's birthmom might be thinking--we don't hear from her often but I love her just the same. Actually she was hestitant to place A into our family because we DIDN"T hve kids and she didn't want us "practicing" on him, but she took a chance on us and I think we're doing a pretty good job :) Yeah, sometimes it is practicing but that's how you get perfect :)
eagarmommy....
I wanted to share this with you. I have one child with an open adoption (3 year old) and I am finding it hard to find another match. We also want an open adoption because I want both children to have the same availablity to their roots. We have been passed over at least twice because bmom's wanted closed adoptions and since we have one child with an open adoption, they felt it wouldn't be fair to their child. Those bmom's might possibly consider you then, so a match is possible.
[I think I agree... I wouldnt have chosen a couple who had BIOLOGICAL children
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Christine,
You make sense. :) You always make sense. :)
As for the bio children thing.... I don't remember how I felt about that. I don't think a bio child would have been a drawback for me, personally. A lot of infertility in the world is secondary infertility, so.... I can imagine a couple having a bio child, then not being able to conceive again, and turning to infant adoption. It wouldn't bother me.
Hope that gives those of you who are asking some hope..... Obviously there are different opinions out there!
Gee, now I'm bummed out. We have 3 bio boys and are hoping to adopt. The boys ages 15, 13, & 9 LOVE the idea of a baby coming into our hearts, life and home. They also expressed to us a feeling of wanting to be big brothers to a baby sister. The reason we chose not to go into the "system" is because of some of the emotional needs of the children. We feel that it may not be fair to everyone concerned. We decided on domestic adoption because of the possiblilty of a semi-open adoption. International adoption usually offers no such hopes, the only hope it does offer is the chance to request a girl. Right now we seem to have 2 problems, they are the fact that we've been contacted by only 2 pbmoms that seemed to have scammed us (emotionally) and that we haven't been able to extend our desire to adopt not only a newborn but a baby up to 1 yr. old, it seems to be a problem when placing an ad, that says newborn/baby. Today I got a call from a woman that asked me if That meant we would be interested in artifical incem.?? I quess what I got from this thread is that our wait will probably be much longer, so I guess that makes me feel sad, but still hopeful, Rosa
Rosa,
There is at least one international program that supports open/semi open adoptions.
You might consider looking into adopting internationally from the Marshall Islands.
The forum here isnt very active, because the program is going thru a lot of changes...I think only one agency is licensed to facilitate adoptions from RMI legally.
Just thought I would make the suggestion...
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I worried about how people would feel with me having a bio. son who is 10. I have secondary infertility. The reason I want a newborn is for one reason, I was 16 when I had my son, I feel like I missed out on his early years. Yes my fault for being young I guess. But I want to start with the early years and be able to experience the things that I sort of missed out on the first time. I am older and will be able to appreciate things I little more IMO. I love children even when they aren't mine. I would hate for a bmom to not choose me because I already have a child. For the record, I also am an only child and hate it.
I am an only child and I can honestly say I love being an only child. I firmly believe the parents are in charge on how many children their going to have. Its not up to the child or children how many children their parents are going to have. I think its selfish to want your parents to have more children then they want. I wanted my parents to have as many children as they wanted. Parents need to have a life as well. Parents are in control of their lives and how many children they want. Children dont run their parents lives. I cant speak for all children who are an only child but I know at least 8 only children and they love it very much. I know I love it so much. my parents go to spend all their time with me. Plus I dont believe parents should have more children then they can care for properly. I have seen many families who had two or more children and they only loved one child.