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Hi I am new to the forum and I have alot of questions I have been with my husband for a little over 2 years now and we just recently got married in May, he has a 4 yr old son who was a big part of the wedding, and he has grown to call me mom, although his mom is still very much in his life she is off/on drugs and has been incarcerated 2 times, just a quick question can I adopt him . Please help.
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In most states, a stepmother can adopt her stepchild IF:
The biological mother consents to the adoption, OR the biological mother can be proven to have abandoned the child.
Abandonment can probably not be proven in your case, since she is still involved. Definately check to see if she will agree to you adopting him and if she'll willingly sign the paperwork.
Each state has different rules regarding length of marriage before a step-parent adoption can take place, so definately check those out, too.
Good luck!
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Thank you for your reply in my case mom will not sign anything she doesn't even like the fact that I am even in her sons life, but its ok he knows who loves him and he has started calling me mom, but I feel bad sometimes because he is so confused by the things mom tells him, about me. I don't think Im being mean, when I have to put him on time out or take things away from him bacause he's being bad, I choose to be a parent when I have to, and be a friend at other times is that so wrong.
I dont tell him that she is the bad person, but when she is in jail and he can't see or talk to her i am going to tell him the truth and also to have an addiction is ones problem, And i personally don't feel that a child should have suffer because his mom/dad choses to make the wrong decisions in life, he knows his mom loves him, but he also knows I love him and because he lives with me and my husband I treat him as if he's my own and if his mother doesn't like it she should straighten her life out and be better mother, she needs to be more responsible and get her priorities in order and when a child is involved he/she should be our #1 priorty. Thats how I feel and thats not wrong.
No body is keeping or taking him away from his mom, he knows who his mom is and loves her very much, and yes we do have custody and you probably will never understand what we feel when she has been arrested 2 times while he was visiting with her, and also got caught with possession of meth for sale while he was with her. Not only is she careless she is also endangering her son. so in a way we do have a right to try to keep him away from her if she continues to live lifestyle, it's not a crime to keep a child out danger.
We have gone to court and she has gone through what they call drug court, but got caught a second time while in the program, the child has called me step mom, by my name and now that he is day care/preschool. I think he hears all the other children calling their mothers "mom" and he thinks its' the thing to do, I do tell him often that he has his mom and that he can call me whatever he wants and he prefers to call me mom, I'm not trying to take her place in his life im just trying to show him that I too care for him and I will always be there for him, in any case his mom is not there.
Just to clarify things he talks to his mom, often and sees her when she calls to arrange a visitation, but half of the time he is with her she leaves him with her mother while she goes out to do her thing.
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Yes thats true about the dad but you know it's sad because visitations should be spent with her and not with other people also, we are the ones that have to explain to him why his mother wasn't there alll weekend, and what are we to tell him when we won't lie to him and she doesn't have a job. I don't feel for her because if it were me I wouldn't mind another woman stepping in and being there for my child if I wasn't able to be.
Also she is to immature to understand that we are just trying to give her child some direction in life.
To answer your original question, yes you may be able to adopt, but since the mother has not abandoned him you will need to prove unfitness with a different California Family Code.
California Family Code section 7825
A proceeding under this part may be brought where both of the following requirements are satisfied:
(a) The child is one whose parent or parents are convicted of a felony.
(b) The facts of the crime of which the parent or parents were convicted are of such a nature so as to prove the unfitness of the parent or parents to have the future custody and control of the child.
If she has been arrested several times, and has been convicted, and continues this pattern, her rights may be severed under this law. Criminal records are public record. You will need to go to the court in the county she resides, and you can have a clerk there look up her file, and you can have copies of these records made. You can submit these as evidence along with any other evidence you may have ie: drugs around child, being under the influence while she has visitation with him, etc. This can all be submitted with the petition and then a judge can decide.
I hope this helps.