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I live in Texas and am new to this site as far as posting. We recently found out that my husband's niece is preg--5-1/2 mos. although they are not married, she and the father do live together. They do not have a very good relationship and certainly are not stable. This is his first child, but she has 3 others ages 13 yrs to 7 yrs. My in-laws have had a very big part in raising the others as well as my niece all of her life. They are older and not in the best of health. She currently does not have a job and has not ever kept one for very long periods of time (for various reasons) Although she has good intentions, she just is not a very stable person. She has never abused her children or been involved in DHS, but my in-laws have always been there to help. She recently told me she doesn't believe she can raise another child and although the father seems excited for now, she has seen that three other times before too. They make promises and always seem to walk away leaving her with the kids. my husband and I have a birth son who is almost 15 yrs and we always wanted at least one more child, but it seemed not to be in the cards for me to get pregnant again. She confided in me that she was thinking of asking us to adopt her baby, but at the same time doesn't know what or how to tell the other children. And has concerns as to how the baby will fit in as their cousin. I have discussed it with her that they will treat him just like our other son. My husband and I are both adoopted and have always known so. We would definitely tell our son from the very start as well and would tell him who his Bmom is when he is old enough or ever asks. We would never keep that from him . We would tell him that we wanted a baby so much that she had him for us and loved him and us enough to do it. The other children would be told this as well and the oldest I think definitely understands how difficult his home life has been.
If anyone has any answers please let me know.
If she and the father voluntarily sign over their PR and name us as the intended AF do we need a Home Study? If she does this, what name is the baby given at the hospital? Can she give the baby our last name?:confused:
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Yes, you will need a home study. Quite a number of birth parents select their child's adoptive parents nowadays, but that does not mean the adoptive parents can do without a home study. The only exception to the home study laws *might* be because you're family members - but you're rather distant relatives so I wouldn't expect it. That law differs by state, so ask your attorney. (Yes, you'll need an attorney too. If everything isn't done legally the adoption could be revoked later.)
The biological parents can name the child anything they wish - any first or middle names, any last name. However, you'll be receiving an amended birth certificate when you finalize the adoption that will show you as mother, your husband as father, and the child's name will be the one YOU chose - any first or middle names, any last name. So I wouldn't spend any time worrying about the last name given to the child at birth.
Besides, the biological mother can NOT sign away her rights before the birth - and most states do not allow her to sign until a certain number of hours or days after the birth. So the birth certificate is usually filled out regardless of the plans to place the child for adoption.
Good luck! Be sure to get an attorney who specializes in adoptions quickly, so you don't accidentally do anything that would make a court unwilling to finalize the adoption. Also, see if they would be interested in counseling appointments to discuss the possibility of having the child adopted. A counselor could help them both work through feelings about it, as well as help them explain it to the other children.
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