let's get this forum going!

I'm a foster/adopt mom of 3 sisters (5, 5, and 23 months). The twins have been here nearly 2 years and the baby came when she was 3 weeks old. Their brother lived with us for 9 months before his biodad jumped through all the hoops social services required of him. He lives 10 hours from us so we only see him once a year now. I don't know what I would do differently. To go from zero kids to 3 kids overnight was overwhelming and then to get the infant just a month later defies description. However, I would not trade this experience for anything. Having them in my life has been the most rewarding experience of my life! I'm so incredibly thankful for them. Actually, as I write this, it occurs to me what I would do differently. I would try to get ALL siblings from the onset. 2 older sisters were placed in another foster home in our same town and are now being disrupted/moved because their foster parent will not adopt them. I'm now struggling with whether or not I can take them, too. I feel that had they been placed with me from the beginning, it wouldn't require a decision. Now, however, two years later, they are very different girls behaviorally/emotionally. And now I question my ability to meet the long term needs of all 5 of them. I would love to hear any input/advice/comments on adopting a large sibling group and how it's worked for any of you.

Thanks for the advice. My kids--listen to me--rather, the kids that may be placed with us (I hope!) are part of a sibling group of 6. Two are with their grandmother, and one with another non-relative foster parent. It doesn't seem possible that any of them will be placed with us, but they do all see each other twice a month. If we get the 3, I would like the sibling visits to take place at our home. I would really like to have a good relationship with the children's grandmother and the other foster parent. I find it very sad and frustrating that sibling groups are not placed together from the outset more often. Here in Illinois, the teen board of DCFS advocated for changes in the law so that adoptions could include legally enforceable provisions for sibling visitation. I feel for the kids who lose contact with their biological siblings, particularly since they have no influence over placement decisions. It is a shame that the proposed solution is not recruitment of foster parents willing to take siblings or more services to support foster parents who are willing to take siblings, but rather the proposal is to condition adoptions and expose adopted families to more court activity. So, our adoptive families will not in fact enjoy the same legal status as biological families. I definitely support sibling visitation, don't get me wrong. I just think it's a shame that the onus is placed on the foster parents, and not on DCFS. What a big decision you have, bestkidsever! Best of luck with your process of discernment.

I'm glad you will be supportive of sibling visitation. I understand not all siblings will automatically be placed together, but sometimes I wonder if they even try. I wish there was more social services could do to help maintain sibling relationships. It would be so nice, if like you stated, they spent more resources on trying to cultivate families who are willing to take sibling groups and provide ongoing support to and for them. Sometimes even social services are rendered helpless. My kids' oldest sister lives with her biodad 4 hours from us and SRS caseworkers have repeatedly tried to set up visits and her biodad cancels every single time. He does not even cooperate with phone contact. It's frustrating to say the least. And because he has complete custody, there's nothing I (or SRS) can do about it. I just hang on to what little information I have and perhaps when the kids are older they will be able to locate her and hopefully have a relationship with her. Even the visits with the older sisters who live less than 2 miles from us, I'm the one who initiates every single visit/overnight. In 2 years we have never even been invited to their house! I've discovered that not all foster parents are created equal. It's nice to meet you and the others here who obviously put the CHILDREN FIRST! Best of everything with the new placement. I'll be watching for future posts from you. Respectfully, Brenda

Thanks! I spoke to the agency today, and we hope to have our first visit next week, assuming the agency's nurse clears our home as an appropriate placement--two of the kids have asthma, and we have pets. They don't think it will be a problem, and I sure hope that's true! If it does work, we are fortunate in that the children's siblings all live in our city. The biological grandmother is very committed to sibling visitation, as is the other non-relative foster parent. I learned today that this is actually a sibling group of 9! But the oldest 3 are not wards of the state. Fortunately, the oldest 3 are close to their grandmother, so I hope to have close relationships with the whole clan. The grandmother is reportedly a very sweet woman who appreciates foster parents. I'll let you know if this all works out! Thanks again for the good wishes!

DH and I are in the process of adopting a teen. Then we heard about a sibling group. I can't get them off of my mind. All SIX of them! Our teen will not come to us until October, at the earliest. (Good 'ol interstate.) And he is just miles from our house! So then we found this sib group. I think it would be priceless to help these little ones stay together. AND they need a bilingual family, which cuts out a ton of other families willing to take a group this large. I am trying to look at this from every angle. We have been foster parents to 5 babies this year. Then to suddenly jump to our adopted teen and the family group...plus we have a foster son right now... EIGHT CHILDREN! :eek: :eek: :eek: These kids are far, far away in another state. I am thinking that we would still have a ton of time with our first child, the october teen, before any others would come. I guess that would give us time to buy a bigger house too. ;) So, I guess we start looking at ten passenger vans...;) I would love to hear about other people's experience. How did the rest of the world react when your family grew so fast over night? Jill

Congratulations on your teenager and best of luck with the sib group of 6. We were trying to adopt a sibling group of 3, but we learned today that the foster mother has changed her mother and has decided to adopt them herself. We are devastated. But to answer your question, people's reaction to our adoption plans is usually shock and questions like, "Are you crazy?" and statements about how overwhelmed they are by their own 2 kids, are we sure we should do something like that, etc. The general public is generally unsupportive to people adopting from foster care, and this is especially true for sibling groups. But, I have found that other adoptive parents are uniformly supportive, regardless of what kind of adoption they had--international, domestic, special needs, etc. I formed a group for adoptive parents at our church, and that really helps. It's good to have their support, and the very fact of the group's existence raises the consciousness of the church community in general. Our close friends, most of whom are not adoptive parents, are also very supportive. A lot of it is a matter of education. My in-laws initially were skeptical and worried and negative, but I have learned that is consistent with their approach to most new things. They have come around now and are excited at the prospect of new grandchildren. This forum is great, because no one here will think you're crazy. I think your adoption plan is exciting! Forget what other people have to say, as far as you can, because only you and your spouse know what your family's limitations are. We certainly plan to continue searching for a sibling group to adopt, once we have had time to mourn this loss. Congratulations again!

I was sadend to read about your loss... I too am hoping to adopt a sib group. Dh and I had ttc for over 6 years when we became Legal gaurdians of his 16 year old Step sister. She is a peach! We are looking for a max of 4. I have 2 in my heart and mind right now and a little boy who is all alone and would be wonderful. We thought about newborn adoption but the more we prayed about it the more we felt we should adopt special needs! I admire those of you who can and will adopt large sib groups and I hope to have several children as time goes on, as I am only 26 and have always wanted a LARGE family. DH is a little worried that I 'll have 15 or 20 kids in our home all at once but I promised not to take more than our 4 bedroom home could hold comfortably! Our pocketbook certainly would need to grow if we have too many. any way I will keep you all in my prayers! feel free to learn more about us on our little webpage... God Bless