Sexually Needy...

I don't specifically have that situation, but I would think that a sexual addiction is probably like any other addiction. It may be a way to avoid pain and numb yourself a bit. There was a time in my life where I was getting into relationships that weren't healthy for me. I had the adoptee way of thinking -- I should be glad for anything I get. I've worked through that (with counseling) and found a nice, supportive man. I had to ready for him, though. If he would've come into my life years earlier, I wouldn't have been ready yet. Maybe there's a sexual addict's meeting by where you live that you could consider dropping by, even if it's just to see that you're not alone. Elaine

I hadn't really put it in as many words, but what you posted really does ring a bell. I am not sure what it means, but I have had quite a few sexual partners-- all heterosexual relationships-- but yes, I do feel quite a lot of sexual need. It may stem from general neediness, which seems to be a staple in my life. Not sure if it is in all adoptees' lives. I was actually thinking about this yesterday, before I read your post. I was thinking that I will now try not to be sexually involved so quickly in my next sentimental relationship, because my unconscious frame of mind has been that if I give what I assume men --or anyone, in any situation, not specifically sexual-- want, I will get them to love me. Hmmm. Hopes this makes sense? At any rate, introspection, reading, this site and therapy, if at all possible, help. I think as soon as you realize what it is you are doing, and why, you can identify it when you are next doing it and you can stop yourself from these negative habits. Hope this helps. Best of luck, justconch

I would like to suggest that something other than adoption could be a factor in many "problems". I get nervous seeing adoption demonstrated as the absolute reason behind many adult behavior and/or emotional problems. I am not saying that is isn't a factor; just that many other things are most likely playing a part as well. debi

Thanks for the support and advice. As a teenager and through college, I found myself in the situation originally posted. (And not proud of it at all...it's embarassing and humiliating when I think of it because no one would ever think that of me, the "goody two shoes") I am actually married and have been (faithfully) for 3 years. But I know if I were to become single (which is a definite possiblity), I would probably still be confronted with the same situation and needs. Adoption is not a "catch-all" for all of my problems... and that was not my intention for the original post. But like justconch said, it's a way to make you feel like people want and "love you." (Which is a typical adoptee response...right? I think that's what I originally wanted validated.) Is it an emotional need and control thing that I get from sex...or is it some crazy addiction and if it is, is it because I am addicted to the sex part or addicted to the feeling of being wanted and in control of the situation? I mean, like I said, I have maintained faithfullness in my relationship, which if I were a sex addict, then I think that would be impossible. Which, btw, what constitutes a sexual addiction problem? Uhhhhhh....

You have made a very valid point. II think that the fact the we are adopted just makes us wonder more about the "issues" or "problems" we have. So many aspects of our lives are unknown and fall into this catagory, that when we exibit behaivors that are less than acceptable, it's easy to say it stems from adoption.