yet another hearing

When is your next hearing?

Well we already had our next hearing. And he got another continuance. Our next court date is tomarrow. He does have an atty now. He has offered to consent to the adoption is he gets a leagal agreement for visitation, and he wants to be called Daddy. So basically he gets all the privlages of a relationship without having to pay child support. Of course depending on the ruling this could end up being better than the ruling. Either way it is dangerous for our daughter. I think it is probably too late for any response. But please do if you get the chance. This will be our first hearing where anything other that his requests for a continuance will be heard.

He cannot get a legal agreement for visitation per se. He is not the legal parent any longer once an adoption is finalized. He can request a kinship agreement for future contact but that can be revoked. A kinship agreement is virtually unenforceable. Future contact can be something as simple as allowing him to write letters or email and you having to send pictures once a year. The court will not give him a visitation schedule as I'm sure he is thinking. He can ask to be called "Daddy" but I seriously doubt any court will enforce that. Remember though, you do not need to agree to any of this. If you already have substantial evidence in your favor for the termination of rights without his agreement, go from there. If your attorney feels you have a solid case I wouldn't get too worked up over it. Does your child have an attorney? If so, and your child is in agreement with the adoption, there will be 2 attorneys arguing for the adoption to proceed. If you have the social worker report in your favor, that is another plus. Just because he has an attorney now is no need to panic. He is entitled to have one. Termination of Parental Right is a Constitutional issue and he is entitled to counsel. But the law is the law and if the facts show that the law is on your side you will prevail. Remember also, the parties involved in this, you, your husband, your ex. You are the ones emotionally involved in this. The court does not get emotionally involved. They will only look at the facts presented. They weigh those facts and make rulings based upon them. Judges are not easily swayed by emotional pleas or outburts. Those won't change the facts. So try and breathe a little easier and not get too wound. If he wishes to tesify just listen carefully and wait your turn to speak. He may hang himself with his own testimony and you may not have to say anything at all. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

Kallen, Thank you again for your words of encouragement. I know you have helped a lot of people here. We had our hearing today. And it seemed to go very well. We went ahead and went for a closed adoption, as he would not agree to letters, or any of that type of contact. The bio dad gave his testimony today. And he was able to give no real reason for having not attempted contact. He said that I refused to allow it ( a lie). And he also said that he was waiting untill he had built himself a better life so that I would be comfortable with his involvement. But he had not even attempted any contact untill we contacted him for the adoption. Still in our favor. He also lied and said that I had admited to having an afair at the time I got pregnant. So he wasn't sure that she was his. However he had paternity tests done when she was 1, so that argument was void. As you said he seemed to do more harm to himself, than good. Our atty typed up a brief and filed it with the court before the hearing. So the judge was able to go off of that instead of me having to testify. Although the opposing atty did question me briefly. He was not able to establish any wrong doing on my part, however. And my daughter has been informed of the adoption, but has not asked for any info about her bio dad. So he was not able to establish "mental suffering" on her part. The bio father did attempt to intimidate me by making intesne eye contact every time I spoke. We are still very optomistic. But are waiting for the chickens to hatch so to speak. Our case will be continued on Monday so that the bio father can call a character witness. So as to testify that the bio father's long range plans included our daughter, but that he had not had a chance to act on them yet. Also to testify to the bio father's outrage at the acusation of abandonement. When the judge asked the bio father questions. He asked such things as did you ever attempt to phone, write, or contact this child. Did you send birthday cards, christmas cards, or anything else. He answered no to all of these things. His atty's response was to ask him how many christmas cards he sent out every year. He said none. As if this justifies not contacting your child. After we were dismissed I over heard him asking his atty if he could bring his other three kids in to testify on his character and intent. His kids are 9, 7, and 5. Thank goodness the judge would not alow his children to be put through this. For all those who pray... please be in prayer for us. I will let you know how it goes on Monday.

Believe it or not the fact that he wanted his other kids to testify looks bad. Why? Because he has taken the time, energy and effort to be around those kids. It looks bad because if he knows what kind of relationship he is missing out on with your child and STILL made no effort whatsoever to pursue it....... it just looks bad. What I find amusing in your instance, is my ex did something similar in his testimony when questioned. He was asked "Is she your daughter?" when they were putting down a record for the court. His response, "Well as far as I know, supposedly she is." He tried to put the insinuation of me being unfaithful out there in his response without directly accusing me of it. In fact his response prompted minor's counsel to lean over to me and in hushed tones ask, "You were married at the time you had her, right? She is his daughter, right?" The irony of that is if you really aren't sure this is your child, and you don't see this child, and don't support this child, why fight someone who loves the child and wants to make the child their own? Why would you want to deny this child that sense of belonging and that feeling of being in a "whole" family? It made no sense to me. It creates the impression of, "I'm here in court just to be a pain in the neck." Character witness or not I think this will all turn out fine. The rest of this hearing is just the process. The judge most likely already has the decision made. You can follow the judges logic by the questioning. No cards, no letters, no calls, and this guy is saying he didn't abandon her? Well, what else would you call it? Your ex was saying you withheld your daughter from him and wouldn't let him see her. If this was the case why didn't he take you to court and have visitation ordered? Well, good luck, and we will be keeping you in our thoughts. Let us know how it went on Monday.