ga sibling dfcs

Maybe something happened at the group home between the first and second therapist's report that changed the therapist's assessment of the kids' ability to live in a family setting. I am surprised that the state would go forward on a TPR without a firm plan in place for the children's longterm care. Without an adoptive resource, they will be made legal orphans. And why, if the state is paying a group home to care for them? Surely your worker can give you some guidance as to whether to continue to pursue this sibling group or to start a search for another sibling group. Good luck!

In reading your reply, it is very good to know that it is not just "us". They are in a group home with NINE (9) other children. Yes, it is a family setting, HOWEVER, no one can explain how on earth the children can be better off there than with an adoptive family who have no other children and a four bedroom house. Not too mention I work from home so am always "around" and my husband is a special education teacher. Needless to say from years of neglect all three girls are behind in school. It is extremely frustrating for the CW to just say "I don't know". Unfortunately we ended a horrible experience in May when after 4 months of visitations, and one week before placement, our prospective adoptive daughter opted to stay at the group home where she was living rather than become part of our family :( At times it is nearly impossible to stay positive and believe this is all going to be worth in the long run. I know no one has the answers, but thank you for allowing me to vent ;)

Lisa, I truly am sorry to hear you are having such a trying time. We are in a similar situation, and I know how awful it feels. My husband and I are trying to adopt a sibling group, too. We met our group of 3 and had 2 visits and fell in love with them completely. I guess our enthusiasm made the current foster mother see how precious they are, because now she has changed her mind and has decided she wants to adopt them. We are totally devastated. It would be easier to take if she did not live in such a dangerous neighborhood with non-existent resources and one of the worst schools in our very inadequate public school system. I suppose after reading about your situation I should be grateful I at least know why we probably won't be able to adopt these children. I cannot begin to understand why the worker would not give you more information, because there has to be something she is not telling you. It does not make sense to deny the kids an adoptive placement that offers what you have to offer. It's a hard, hard road adopting this way. It does seem impossible to imagine that someday this will work out and kids will be in our home. I was reading a statistic that there are 130,000 waiting children, but only 50,000 a year are adopted. It is very mysterious, isn't it? The boards are full of anguished posts from people desperately trying to adopt some of these kids, and seemingly getting nowhere. It is just crazy. Which is why people are willing to spend $30,000 to adopt internationally. Some of these adoptive parents are looking for infants, but not all. Some are adopting institutionalized children from Russia and facing the challenges of fetal alcohol syndrome, reactive attachment disorder, language barriers, and they face all of this with incomplete medical and social histories and minimal support. If the child welfare system was not so awful to foster parents and adoptive parents, many of these people might adopt kids right here in the U.S. Another very trying part of this is that most people don't understand why you'd want to adopt foster children, and don't see the agony of a failed match. I've already gotten the "Well, there are lots of kids who need homes," line. Well, yes. But they're not the 3 we fell in love with. People tend to have a "parts is parts" view of foster children. They do not see their value. So, they can't understand your grief. Of course, people are generally insensitive and make the same type of remarks to people who miscarry, which is the closest thing to our experience that non-adoptive people will experience. Again, I really am sorry for the hard time you are having. The only way I make sense of this searing process is that it will help me empathize with my (eventual) children, who will have experienced far more pain and loss than I have. It still is a bitter pill, to be sure. I wish you strength and peace for your journey. And for the girls. Peace.

Thanks so much for your words of encourgement. It seems the rollercoaster swung by through our neighborhood again today. On and on it goes... Called our CW this a.m. with some questions regarding a new photolisting within our state. She called back, surprisingly, within three hours. Of course she cannot get the information on our inquiry, BUT instead wants to know if we are still interested in the "3 girls". Does one ever get used to all of this? We had totally given up hope of even being considered for these girls and now all of a sudden, we are being pursued :confused: ALL of a sudden, the group home has changed their mind :confused: and will not accept permanent custody of the girls. The County asked for a continuance on the TPR for one month from next week until September. Would this be so they could formulate a plan as to what to do with the girls? Do they need to present a plan to the judge at the TPR? In that we are still interested in making these girls part of our family, our CW stated that the girl's cw and the county adoption cw are going to meet with the three girls about the possibility of adoption. Their advocate would also "probably" be stopping in for a separate discussion as to the possibility of adoption. In my previous post I had mistakenly said the oldest child, A, was 12, I forgot (confused actually) that she had just turned 14. So...apparently the CW's needed to discuss with her what she wishes for in the future-- would she like to be adopted? She will have some say in the whole process. A already knows what it is like to be separated from her sisters since the two youngest were placed together in one foster home and she in a separate foster home, upon their removal from the parental home. The way it was presented to me, IF A does not want to be adopted, then the county will consider splitting the siblings, allowing the two younger girls to be adopted. And then A would end up...In a foster home, group home???? Is this the way it usually works in Georgia? I don't want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. Does this sound too good to be true?

This is crazy. If this makes no sense to us, how must this feel to those poor girls? Certainly any competent judge would want to know what sort of plan the state has for these 3 girls if they terminate parental rights. Most judges here in IL do not like creating "legal orphans," where you terminate parental rights but then have no adoptive resource available. It sure sounds like they are willing to consider placing the girls with you and your husband. :] Not to be a wet blanket at all, but one thing I would really insist on before committing to adoption is a thorough review of the girls' histories. You want to make sure that you can meet their needs, and there's no way to know that without information. The lack of professionalism demonstrated in the girls' case so far suggests to me that you will have to dig to get at the truth of the girls' situation. The first thing to figure out is what on earth is going on at that group home? Why are they changing back and forth like this? Some facilities don't like seeing kids leave because that means less income unless they have other kids that will immediately replace those who leave. Could there have been some money issue here, where initally the group home thought they could get payment for the girls, then later it turns out to be less or none? I'm sorry about such cynical speculation, but I've found some child welfare providers unfortunately warrant that kind of cynicism. Or, did the girls, or one of the girls have some sort of break down they couldn't handle? If they couldn't handle it, could you and your husband? Maybe yes, maybe no. It sounds understaffed from what you wrote, and some group homes (here in IL anyway) are staffed by people with no more than a GED. The staff may not necessarily have training in dealing with kids with behavioral issues. But I don't know GA--maybe they do there. Second question, What is the opinion of the kids' therapist? Does the therapist have a coherent explanation about what the girls need? Maybe the therapist does have some ideas, but they're not being passed on to you. Or maybe it's really an issue with the caseworker? Perhaps the caseworker just doesn't attend to kids who are in group homes or residential treatment centers? Or maybe it's just a generalized lack of attention? As to the oldest girl being 14, here in Illinois, children that age do need to consent to their own adoption. But doesn't it seem premature to ask her that question? She hasn't even met you all yet! And after dealing with such an apparently illogical, unresponsive, unprofessional bureaucracy, at her tender age, how is she supposed to have any respect for legal processes and "permanency planning"? What would adoption mean to her in a vacuum? You'd have to be her foster parent for 6 months (again here in IL) before you could file a petition for adoption. It seems more logical to place her with you all, see how things go after a few months, and THEN ask her to make that decision. Again, here in IL, kids who are not adopted have some other options: legal guardianship; independent living (basically, DCFS pays for you to live in an apartment and supposedly arranges for you to learn life skills so you can live independently); and substitute care home environment not appropriate, for kids who are too medically or emotionally ill to live in a home setting. It may be different in your state. Again, I am so sorry that you have been put on this crazy, crazy roller coaster. It is absolutely outrageous that you cannot get better assistance than what you've been getting. I do hope you and your husband can hang in there, as hard as it is, and believe me, I know this is HARD. Because there are children out there who really, really need a mom and dad. They would be such a blessing to you, and you to them. I will pray for you and your husband and the girls. Let's dare to hope!