Adopt or Not?

You have to do what you feel is best for these kids, and your family. You've had them for two years, how has that gone? Personally, I can't see how foster parents can let the kids go when they don't have to. I feel that the "best thing for them" would be to stay right where they are, assuming that you are able to provide them with the care they need. They are young, and they might find good aparents, but it might be difficult due to their problems. My dh is concerned that I would be willing to take ANY child, regardless of their problems/disabilities, and that we'll end up caring for disabled children for the rest of our lives. You say that you love them enough to let them go, but is there some reason that you feel you shouldn't keep them?

We just realize the long-term commitment that these children need and we want to do what is best for them. We were not planning to adopt anymore children when we took these boys. We already had our hands full with the ones that we had. We agreed to do respite for the weekend but the fp that had them for a month dropped them off with all of their things and when I commented that it was alot of stuff for a weekend, she then said, "I'm not coming back to get them". And 2 years later we still have them and TPR is being filed. I am 45 and my husband is 49, is this fair to them if they can get younger parents that will be able to support them for a longer amount of time?

I am also a foster/adoptive parent. I just adopted a 4 year old who started out with RAD and also shows signs of Fetal Alchohol syndrome and ADHD. He also possibly had some sexual abuse. He was the answer to our prayers of wanting to adopt even with all the potential problems and things we have dealt with along the way. He was also in a different foster home for 2 years and also one failed adoption. We knew he was meant for our family. We tell him all the time that he was able to bless so many people before he came to bless our family. We are also in the process of adopting a 5 month old baby who we have had since birth. And we also have a 2 1/2 year old who we've had for almost a year in half and who might come up for adoption. We waited forever to have children of our own and also to foster some that would come up for adoption. Finally they all come and within a very short time. We definately want to adopt the baby and the 2 1/2 year (if we can) but we are also in the same kinda situation as you. Wondering if we are to continue fostering.....and doing what we love which is helping these children....but also the reality that what happens if we get more that come up for adoption. The max # of kids we wanted to adopt was 3. We have come to the conclusion that just because you are fostering a child does not mean you have to adopt them. The fact that you develope a strong relationship is good. that means the child has a better oppurtunity to feel what a real family feels like and it teaches that child to love. With your help you can successfully aid that child into a new home and with your support they will learn to love their new parents and adjust to the new situation. he important thing with kids with RAD is for you not to just dissapear from their lives...be active in the transition to the new home so they know you still love and care for them. There are many homes out there waiting and praying for children just like those two boys. My advise is follow your instincts.....you will know wether those kids are supposed to be in your family forever or not.....or wether you were just an important person in their life they will never forget because of the love you showed them and how you showed them how to love. At times fostering is like having your own children and giving them up for adoption. Each child and situation is different and you have to trust in your own decision to let them go or to keep them, it's a personal choice and don't let anyone make you feel pressured to go either way. It's your choice. It's a big decision. An important decision. With some prayer i'm sure you will make the right choice for the boys and for your family. Good Luck.

My husband and I are beginning the process to adopt a child from foster care. We go Sept 7 for orientation. The two boys are exactly the ages that we are looking for. We have a biological 4 yr old son. We are also willing to allow the foster mom to have contact with the children if she so chooses(along with the foster dad and any of the children in the home). So please if you decide to place the boys back in foster care can you please contact me so I can talk with my social worker.

We are adopting our boys!!!!!!!!!! I was talking to our 5 year old about some homes being foster homes and some homes being forever homes. His response was, "Well, I guess I don't have any choice in this matter but if I move, when I grow up, I will just get in my car and drive home". That was when I decided that we were his forever home. It had never really hit me how he felt until that moment. He is an old sole in a child's body. I have been praying for a sign from God so we could do what was best for the boys and I believe that was it.

As the saying goes, "Out of the mouths of babes", I'm so happy you listened to your little guy!!! Good luck!!! Tina :)