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Originally Posted By vickiI have an adopted daughter as well as bio older children. Our social worker and attorney told us to talk about adoption from day 1 so there is never an exact time when they remember finding out thus sparing the shock and trauma. Our daughter is 2 1/2 and she knows the word adoption. The other day we went by the hospital where she was born and I made a big deal out of telling her Thats where you were born and thats where I adopted you from. I was there when you born. She was excited to hear her story. Of course we keep it simple because she is so young. Also our 20 year old son asked her if she is adopted a few weeks ago and her reply was : I'm Taylor! Are you adopted? It floored us. I'm hoping this approach will work and as she grows up she'll know how special she is to us as all our children are!
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Originally Posted By AIMEEOUR DAUGHTER IS 3YRS. OLD AND REALLY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ALOT OF THINGS. SHE IS FINALLY TALKING ALOT BETTER AND I WAS WONDERING WHEN I SHOULD TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER ABOUT HER ADOPTION. WE STARTED OUT WITH AN OPEN ADOPTION BUT IT HASN'T TURNED OUT THE WAY I EXPECTED. I HAVE LOTS OF QUESTIONS.
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The advice we liked and are following is having 1-2 children's books about adoption. (See Raising Adopted Children by Lois Ruskai Melina) We read these as much or as little as our 4 year old daughter wants. Jamie Lee Curtis's book Tell Me about the Night I was Born is great. I change the story to be my daughter's story. Another book we have asks, "Were you adopted?" and DD has been answering "yes" since she was 2 years old. Recently, though, she answered "No" to that question and I did not correct her. She probably needs to go through that stage. Many times, if I'm quiet and listen, she tells me what she needs to know. When she was 2, she asked if I carried her in my tummy. It doesn't bother me at all that I wasn't pregnant with her-she is sooo mine, but I got tears in my eyes and thought, "What am I going to say?" Then she spoke up and said, "You carried me on your back and in your arms?" And I said, "Yes, I carried you on my back and in my arms". Recently, another 4 year old girl said, "DD was in your tummy." I said "No". DD spoke up and said, "I grew in the nurse's tummy." "No, you grew in your birthmother's tummy." She knows the word birthmother also. I haven't been able to tell if she understand or has any grief yet. She doesn't appear to. (We adopted at birth). Melina says that preschoolers (adopted from birth) have less trouble that the adoptive parents, school age begin to realize the griel as they understand the birth process, and teenagers will not ask questions, parents must reach out. Anyway, I know the journey will be a challenge and I'm looking forward to it.