opinions and maybe a professional side?

hi I am a birthmother in an open adoption. I just wrote a college paper last year about open adoption. I know trying to find enough facts can be stressful. I hope I can be helpful. I personally believe that in most cases an open or semi- open adoption is best. I don't believe that openess is needed for an adopted child to feel whole or completely happy in life, but I feel openess can add a great deal to an adopties life. Also openess eliminates the need for searching for birthfamilies. Some adopties have been searching for years and years and if they had an open or semi open adoption all they have to do to speak to their birthfamily is send a letter, e-mail or even just pick up the phone. For me I can't imagine about three years ago when my birthson was born, signing those papers if I didnt know the family he was going to and if I didnt know that I was still going to be apart of his life. I can't imagine wondering every day how my birthson is doing. When I found myself pregnant in highschool, I first refused to think of adoption. I would only consider parenting. After talking with my parents and boyfriend and realizing I didnt have the money and was not ready to parent, I started to think about adoption, but I didn't think I could do it. I couldn't imagine never seeing my baby again. I thought then if I choose adoption "I won't know If he is happy, healthy, and I will wonder if he knows that I love him and I made the decision because I wanted the best for him." These thoughts were too painful to think about. Then I found out about open adoption. After I learned about open adoption I slowly began to believe that I could make an adoption plan for my bson. Then I met his parents and I knew they were perfect. After getting to know them I was comfortable with my decision. My bson is almost three now. My boyfriend (the birthfather) and I visit our bson and his family often. My boyfriend's family and my family also visits with our bson. We visit at our bson's house, my parents house, the zoo, the park and other places that our bson and his older sister like to go. Our visits are a blessing. Seeing my bson happy means the world to me. Some people worry about the child being confused, but trust me my bson is not confused. He knows who his parents are. He isnt confused when we visit. Just like any child isnt confused when their aunts, unlces and grandparents visit. At this age he does not understand what birthparents are, but he understands that we are people that love him. He has been told about adoption and he has always been told about us. He will grow up always knowing about his birthfamily. Any questions he has he can ask his parents or he can ask us. I have heard from birthmothers that have older bchildren in open adoptions and I have heard from a couple adult adopties in open adoptions and they all have said that the openess was not confusing while growing up and has not made things more complicated, but instead was and is just normal to them and helpful. For the arguement for open and semi open adoption. I would recommend using facts and stories from adoptive parents, adopties and birthparents in open and semi open adoptions, from these books: "Children of Open Adoption" by Kathleen Silber and Patricia Martinez Dorner. and "Openness in Adoption. Exploring Famiy Connections." by Harold D. Grotevant and Ruth G. McRoy. I quoted and used facts from these two books in my paper. I hope this was helpful. -Ginny

You might want to start a thread in the other appropriate categories i.e. Aparents/closed adoptions and Adult adoptees/Sharing with others from experience. Many people are sensitive about adoption so you might want to be clear that you're an adoptee earlier in the paper. I hope you don't mind... I copy/pasted what you had written into a different order so you might get a lot better response. :) Makes it more clear from the start what you're aiming for. So, maybe copy this and paste it as a new thread in a few other categories. :) GOOD LUCK! --Janet Maybe say: I'm adopted and my closed adoption worked out for me. It really doesn't bother me, and I don't ever really think "wow, I'm adopted" until somebody asks me or I end up doing a paper on the subject like right now. I'm doing this argumentive essay for my English class at school, and I'm supposed to argue for the side of closed adoption being better vs. open. I need some opinions and hard facts to make this point to win my arguement. Of course, because it is argumentive, I need both sides. More info on me: I did actually go to the agency I was adopted from when I turned 18 to get some info, but because I still lived with my amother at the time, the info would have had to have been sent to her house, and I didn't want to offend her. So, I basically gave up. That doesn't mean I necessarily will all together, but for the time being it isn't a major concern. Any information you can pass down for this clueless college student who is just trying to pass her English course would help. And maybe I'll even develop a new opinion myself. Thank You So much!!!!!!