Is it wrong to encourage bsibling contact

You absolutely need to encourage contact! Your son needs to have a healthy relationship with his sister. I would not, however, allow unsupervised visits with the other parents around!!! I would also speak with your son's original social worker and have him tell her the things he's told you about the other home. Good luck. Michelle

I would allow visits. I would start with visits at a place in the community first, with both adoptive moms staying. Maybe a McD's with a play scape. Going back to his former house might be too much for him. How old are the children? My teens have monthly visits with their older sibling. Her fmom chose not to have my kids come to her home when they were brought into fcare. After the permanency hearing, then she wanted them. I told her no, they were settled here. The sw agreed with me, thank goodness. There is still discomfort being around her. She makes remarks to me that are uncalled for and underhanded. It's not in front of the kids though, so visits continue. My dh now supervises them though (not really supervises, bc they're teens, but he takes them to their activity, stays nearby and brings them home).

If what he wants is to have a relationship with his bsister than I would allow it. Maybe start off with you there until they are both comfortable.I hope it works out. I just recently got to know my sister that was given up for adoption. Things were going really good then it took a turn for the worse. I hope your son has better luck than I did. :)

That's such a difficult part of this whole thing. My children want to meet her. I've gotten some email's from my daughter and she tells me right now is not the right time for us to meet. She said someday in the future she wants to meet me but she is busy right now. I realize she is only 17 yrs old right now and I figured I wouldn't meet her until she was alittle older. Maybe when she got out of college. I don't know. Regardless it still hurts to know it's out of my hands and their is a possibility that we may never meet. I don't know what to tell my children. I wish I never told them about her. I don't want to see my children hurt over this. Does anyone have any advice how I should handle this? Right now I'm hurt and disappointed. But life goes on. I have an amazing family and wonderful children. I know I shouldn't be so down. I just didn't think this would happen to me. I have been working on a scap book for her for the last few years and now I think it's just time for me to put it away. Do I really matter to her? What if I don't? All these years I have worried and wondered and missed her and loved her, was that all for nothing? Well, I guess that's part of the adoption process/ a chance that the birth mother is just that a birth mother and nothing more. What do you birth mother think? Have you gone through what I'm going through now? What about you adoptee's, are we wasting our time waiting to meet you? I'm sorry I'm venting right now. I may feel different later on. Help me I need some advice, what's my next step. Oh, she also said "if you have any questions for me I welcome them" and "thanks for the pictures". What now????????? HELP

Wow, does social services know of this? I would hate to see him lose contact with his bsister, but I would definitely never leave him alone with those people. Is bsister treated fairly?

Dann! how extremely sad is that to find your bson was treated that way? Broke my heart reading that, a huge fear I am sure for some of us bmoms, when we placed our kids, and you tell us your bson spoke of it. As for the bmom whose daughter has indirectly asked for time. Doesnt sound like she shut any doors to you and your famliy, just asking for space. 17 is a tender age for most teenagers, adopted or not. I have three kids under my bson, and they always knew of him. When he is busy and plans change to see him, yes I will admit I go squirelly but I realize I have to keep it together so my kids dont feel its about them. 100% of the time it is me loosing my nut for nothing. Our kids we raise are pretty smart in these cases and actually for the most part, my experience anyways, handle the distance and absense better then we do, so be careful not to put your fears on them. She will come around when she is ready and remember what you were like at 17, I was not really about my own family, much less anyone elses, and at a time when teens (girls especially) are spreading their wings, and taking baby steps to independence, and extended family and a very worried bmom can be overwhelming. Your in her thoughts, just dont loose your nut like i did, that is when you do start to push them away. Like I said, I am not reading from your thread, the door is shut, she is too busy for anyone who isnt 17 hahahaha, look at it that way, take a deep breath, and take it one day at a time. You will be okay, and use the energy in a positive way, send little notes, like how is your day, and thinking about you, but dont send her your worries. Just a thought from a fellow bmom, who sat by her computer for the first 4 months waiting for a response. I got one, hahahahaha, he said," yes, I think of you every day, but geesh I hanging with my friends mom! lighten up! "hahaha, just like most 19 years olds! :flower: Take care, Cheers!