President Bush Proclaims National Adoption Month

Is there a reason why we are not offering support, if only a general "hurrah," to birthfamilies? Is there a reason why birthprents in general were left out of this? Is there a reason that we are constantly second class citizens in the adoption triad? It stings. It stings coming from the President and it stings that this website did nothing to offer support to those who place their children for adoption. The continued disrespect and blatant ignoring of our presense only serves to negate the importance of our stance in the adoption triad. Without birthparents, you have no adoption. We deserve respect and recognition.

As I am still in disbelief about the blatant disregard for birthparents in this proclamation, here's some wise words on the subject. From James L. Gritter: "If we carry out a system that delights adoptive parents and works for most of the children, but in the process destroys birthparents--where is the joy? Who can call that sort of outcome satisfactory? When will we learn that we are all in this together and that diminishing any one of us diminishes us all? We are never made larger by permitting others to be made smaller. The effort to elevate the status of birthparents need not in any way detract from the importance of adoptive parents." Chew on that for a moment the next time you decide to leave birthparents out of the importance of adoption. Again, without those who place, you have no adoption.

After reading this post I emailed a letter to the president. I was a bit hurt from this. I am a birthmom and I again with the "sting" that we feel when things like this happen. We are human and do have feelings. I am sorry if anyone takes offense to this. I just could not hold my tongue" Dear President Bush, I would like to take a moment to thank you for recognizing the adoptive families in the United States. If it was not for them to take in these children as their own, what a world we would live in? I do have to say on behalf of all the birth mothers in America we should not be left out in this recognition. I have come across quite a few of birthmom's that feel slighted in all of this subject matter. We feel that we are treated like second class citizens. Why is that? If it was not for us and the unfortunate situations that we went thru they would not have children to adopt. Some wise words that a birthmother has passed on to us: James L. Gritter: "If we carry out a system that delights adoptive parents & works for most of the children, not in the process destroys birthparents---where is the joy? Who can call that sort of outcome satisfactory? When will we learn that we are all in this together & that diminshing any one of us diminshes us all? We are never made larger by permitting others to be smaller. The effort to elevate the status of birthparents need not in any way detract from the importance of adoptive parents." I gave my daughter up 18 years ago to wonderful parents that could only give her what I could not. Now that I am searching I am understanding what they mean by second class citizens. We have been made to feel like we have done our job now go away. Most of us had no choice in giving our children up for adoption. I knew in my heart that I could not give her what she needed and was not at the age to do so. Now that she is 18 the state has made it impossible for me to find her to reunite. Again where is the support for the birthmother/father. I understand that you have adopted a child. Has there ever been recognition for her/his birthparents? If there is any way that we could incorporate the birthmothers/fathers into this equation, I think that we be a very honorable thing to do, since a lot of us did vote for you and coming from the President of the United States we should all have the same support and respect that we deserve. Thank you for you time and understanding. I look forward to hearing from you on this issue. Sincerely, Christina

There is a vast difference between people who give up their children voluntarily and those who have their kids removed, involuntarily. Most of the kids in foster care, who are waiting for families to adopt them, are kids who were taken away. The families who abuse their kids do not deserve acknowledgement, except maybe from a jail cell.

As an adoptee that was in foster care for 13 months with six different care situations, I applaud the efforts of President Bush. He is encouraging Americans "to do everything they can to help find homes for America's waiting children".

The proclamation states: "During National Adoption Month, we recognize the generosity of adoptive and foster families who are providing hope and love, and we encourage the adoption of children of all ages. . . . I signed the Adoption Promotion Act of 2003 to increase incentives to adopt older children. . . .We are working hard to place more children from foster care to permanent homes." I personally fail to understand how this could be considered a negative. How is it that one could read this and instead of empathizing with the tragedy of so many children languishing in foster care and praising any effort that may result in finding some of these children permanent homes, instead get angry that the biological parents are not given "a general 'hurrah" and shown the "respect and recognition they deserve" for their contribution to this situation? :confused: Who exactly is it that is "left out of the importance of adoption" in these situations? Seems to me it is the many "left out" older children in foster care that this proclamation is attempting to help. Where is their "joy"? What about their "importance" as feeling human beings? I do thank and respect my bioParents for not aborting me and giving me life ~ true, without them and their choices, I would not have been available for my aparents to adopt 13 months later. Not sure how I would phrase an acknowledgement that would offer bioParents "a general 'hurrah' " showing "the respect and recognition they deserve" for leaving a helpless infant at the hospital ~ dependent only on the kindness of paid strangers. To me it would be impossible to attempt to recognize them for simply assuming that I would be immediately adopted. 15 months earlier bioMother left another child at the hospital with the same assumption. That child also spent a year in foster care before being adopted. How exactly would one word "the recognition they deserve" for this? :( I am grateful that at 13 months, my aparents did NOT consider me to be to old and thus "unadoptable". To them, and all adoptive parents that are encouraged and do make an effort to help a child in need, I do offer "a general hurrah" with "much respect and recognition". On a side note, I volunteer with Operation Santa Claus every year in my area whose goal is to gather Christmas gifts for children in foster care. We usually receive many toys for young children however, gifts for teenagers are few. If you have a similar effort in your area here's an idea for those of you that purchase make-up at department stores and receive "Gifts with purchase". One year I took all the cute cosmetic bags I'd collected (how many can one use) from gifts with purchase to the local beauty supply store. They helped me fill them with things teenagers would like and also offered sample some sample products. I also went to the cosmetic counters at the local department stores and they also volunteered samples. I had 10 nice gifts for teenage girls that did not cost very much money. If anyone has a similar idea for teenage boys, please share. These children truly feel the "sting" of being "left out". They too are human and do have feelings. Another project my city sponsors is "Gift Trees". Trees are placed at the Community Center, the Senior Center and City Hall. Needy families, foster children and seniors fill out "wish list" cards. Reading these wishes reminds many of us how much we take for granted ~ a teenager wishing for a pair of socks, a senior wishing for warm slippers, a foster family wishing for McDonald's gift certificates to use to treat their foster children etc. Many of us take several cards as their wishes are so small. Instead of focusing on perceived slights, please open your hearts to the older children the President and this proclamation is attempting to help.

National Adoption Awareness Month For everyone, this month means something different. The original concept was to focus on the kids living in foster care, the parentless kids who want nothing more than to be adopted into a loving home. The presidents stance on the issue also focuses on that҅ I look at it a bit differently, and I think that anyone else touched by infant adoption does too, and thats ok! My focus, and the focus of those around me, is to change the publicҒs perception of adoption. In the end, it helps the entire triad. I think what leaabc123 said is correctbased on the purpose on National Adoption Awareness Month as it was designed. People who abuse and neglect their children to the point that they are taken away deserve no recognition. However, just because the focus of the month is foster children, it doesnŒt mean others cant get involved by focusing on positive adoption education. We can only change the attitude of our country by educating them҅regardless of our triad position. It would be nice if the month was focused on adoption as a wholebut its not, and thatŒs ok. Those kids living in Foster Care deserve to have a month where the focus is on thembut at the same time, others can use this month as a catalyst to promote adoption education. DonŒt let the presidents definition of Adoption Awareness Month slow down your focus of positive education҅in the end, the entire triad benefits from the work we do!

Your point is very true. However, how does it help the entire triad to rip the President and this proclamation to shreds?

Dl, Im wondering҅where did I tear the President and his Proclamation to shreds?

I did not mean to imply that YOU tore the President and his Proclamation to shreds. Comments that led me to that statement are: "Is there a reason that we are constantly second class citizens in the adoption triad?. . . It stings coming from the President and it stings that this website did nothing to offer support to those who place their children for adoption. . . . Im sure that everyone here knows my opinion on Bush and his position on adoption. . .I am still in disbelief about the blatant disregard for birthparents in this proclamation. . .After reading this post I emailed a letter to the president. I was a bit hurt from this. I am a birthmom and I again with the "sting" that we feel when things like this happen. We are human and do have feelings. Quote from letter sent to President Bush: "I do have to say on behalf of all the birth mothers in America we should not be left out in this recognition. I have come across quite a few of birthmom's that feel slighted in all of this subject matter. We feel that we are treated like second class citizens." "National Adoption Awareness Month" certainly may mean something different for everyone. However, THIS proclamtion has one very honorable (IMO) and specific focus. To encourage Americans "to do everything they can to help find homes for America's waiting children" . Apparently I'm missing something as I fail to see what there is to criticize about this effort and how doing so helps any position of the triad. Very true. However, as one reads the posts on this thread that critisize this proclamation, in what way is the effort of "positive adoption education" being furthered and how may it "change the publics perception of adoption" in a positive manner?

Originally posted by leaabc123: Yep...there sure is. My heart hardly bleeds for those who chose to neglect/abuse children to the point of having them removed from the home. As many foster to adopt parents will attest to, the state makes every effort to allow the bio family to rectify the situation and have the child back. Still, many (a great many) do not return home. To moan and piss that the President isn't acknowledging birthparents in this situation is sickening. What should we do? Honor the abusers and abandoners that have made it possible for other families to step up and provide homes for them? Go over and read some of the special needs posts...read what some of the foster parents are dealing with...HappyMomAnna, dadfor2, and many more...RAD, FAS, kicked, spit on, hair torn out, fires set...not that ALL foster kids are special needs, but many are. In my opinion, these wonderful folks deserve kudos...not the birthfamilies who didn't give a rat's butt where the child ended up. Every Tuesday on our local news, they have a special called Tuesday' Child. It profiles some of the precious children who would give anything for a family...someone to love them and give them what they have not yet found. They are older children...not wrinkly little newborns swaddled in blankets. Many of them have seen more drama in their years than some of us will in our lives. And you really think the birth families deserve recognition??? Spare me. Seems to be a simple concept to me. It is evident right here on the forum that infants are in high demand. There are failed placements, heartfelt letters going out to pbfamilies, waiting lists, etc...THIS focus is being directed to where it can do the most good...ON WAITING CHILDREN, not on adoptive families waiting for a baby, or on heroic birthmoms that make their dreams a reality. WAITNG CHILDREN WITH NO FAMILIES. Just my seemingly unpopular opinion. ~D

Whoah! I realize there are a lot of underlying issues and a lot of passion from all sides, but there needs to be a greater level of compassion towards all sides of the adoption triad. Please, everyone take a day off the topic. Regardless of who is president, there is always going to be a National Adoption Month. As mentioned, it was originally intended to focus on the children in foster care. As represented here, there are many faces to the adoption triad, many perspectives from even the same side of the adoption triad. There can always be more done, people can always learn more. Hostility does not make that learning easier.