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We have a 15 month old fdaughter we've had since birth. Bmom has done a few very minor things on her treatment plan and has mostly maintained weekly visits, but nothing else. No job, no drug treatment, no UA's when requested by SW or Juvenile Office, etc. In October we had our third permenancy hearing where the "team" recommended TPR be filed. Judge signed that TPR Petition can be filed. Bmom didn't even show for court. For three weeks now, no one has heard from her or seen her.
Bonding assessment has been done which shows baby is not bonded at all with bmom. First Steps Intervention program is in place and bmom was noncompliant with their requests. Now, all of the sudden, the caseworker went by bmom's house this week and she wants to start "trying" to get baby back. Baby has atypical behaviors due to prenatal drug exposure and it is believed by the professionals involved that bmom can't handle the special needs of this child. We have worked very closely with bmom this entire case to try to give her extra time with baby, but bmom does not take advantage of the time given to her. She brings nothing for baby at visits and offers support in no way. She spends the whole visit offering baby food and drink and always has other family members at the visit. No one on one time with baby to help foster bonding.
I was told it could take another year to get a TPR hearing and bmom can continue seeing baby and trying to get her back. This seems so unfair to our family. Why didn't bmom "try" when baby was first taken into care? Why does the court continue to allow bmom's the right to get their children back when the team has already made the decision to pursue placement outside of biological home (TPR)? Why does TPR take so long?
With drugs involved, is this bmom really going to get it together with no outside help? A recent totally coincidental meeting of a friend of bmom's told us that bmom is drugging again, very heavily. Throughout the case history, bmom says she will do things, but very rarely follows through. Baby is medically fragile with severe and chronic asthma. Doesn't this young, single, irresponsible bmom know she can't take care of her?
Anyone else had a circumstance similar to this one? I need some encouragement. We truly want what is best for the baby and I have kept my heart in the right place and have never uttered a selfish prayer, but at this point, there is no bond between baby and bmom and visits are very upsetting to baby. I no longer feel it is in baby's best interest to be placed with bmom (and the team agrees). Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Any comments, please?
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First of all we do need to keep in mind that the states first priorityis always to keep biological families togehter and the state does have to prove that the did the best they could to have that happen.....
The Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA) of 1997 mandated that any child in fostercare 16 of 22 consecutive months must also have an adoption plan and TPR started... The states are required by federal law to do the TPR and Adoption planning concuurent with any caseplan the biological family is working on after a certain period of time.
It has been clear that Foster Families and Caseworkers are doing their parts to meet these requirements. The area that has often been the most difficult to overcome is with the Judges who still hold fast to the way they did things in the past...
I would NOT feel too badly at this point in time. It sounds like you are making all the correct efforts and that the state is doing the requirements of the ASFA.... Typically at this point with a case plan the biological family is on the last stages of chance... Biological families are always afforded visists until the TPR has taken place even wehn the state is 99.9% sure this will end up as a sucessful TPR... Until the TPR the mother will continue to have her visitation rights...
For her it is make it or break it and with the history you report it appears she will need to show an amazing change--not likely and now it will really be a matter of time... I would hold on keep the hope up and wait for the corts to catch up....
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We are adopting our fc's in MO also. Once the casegoal changes to tpr they should have an adoption staffing where a family is selected (which I assume will be you unless and possibly even if there is relatives). You then choose an attorney, and he/she can file tpr/adopt with the court and get the ball rolling. That's not to say it won't still take a while. We filed in the beginning of August and were supposed to go to trial in Feb as bp's were going to contest it. They changed their minds and consented, so we finalize in December:) .
Do you have an adoption specialist working with you? Has it even been referred to the adoption worker? They could likely answer some of your questions. too. We have a fantastic attorney who has done LOTS of adoptions through the state and has been so patient and helpful in explaining the process to me. I would advise that if you are at the point of picking an attorney you ask around for one that knows the system well.
I know exactly what you are going through...we got or 20 month old from the hospital at birth, and she had a baby brother 6 months ago, and we will be adopting both. Document everything and keep praying!!
We are just getting started, finished the Spaulding classes last week. It looks like a long road ahead...
fosterma, where are you located? We will be looking for a attourny soon, and it looks like you found a good one. If he is in our area (Greater Kansas City) than we might look him/her up...
Bob
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We have been told that we don't get an adoption worker until TPR has been filed and hearing has actually been set. It's only been three weeks since our permenancy hearing and it supposedly takes two months to get TPR filed.
we just found out that bmom didn't go take UA last week so she doesn't get a visit this week. In the past she's been able to have her visits no matter what but now the caseworker has told her ... no clean UA ... no visit.
I know everything will be fine and there is someone upstairs looking down on us. We have prayed earnestly for the right thing for this child, no matter what that may be. I just have to keep reminding myself to trust and have faith for He knows what is best for this little girl!
A new twist on this case is that we took our foster daughter to the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Clinic in Columbia for a full assessment. She did not have enough of the facial abnormalities to diagnos FAS, but she does fall into the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum and has been diagnosed with Neurobehavioral Disorder and Alcohol Exposed. The assessment was very helpful. It takes a lot of energy, dedication and self-sacrifice to care for our foster daughter, but we are so comitted to her and love her with all our hearts. She's the little princess of our home!
By the way, we're in Springfield.