Brother of Mine

when i was 19 i met my biological family. at that time on my b-fathers side my sisters and brothers were 3, 6,7 and 11. the oldest being my brother Edward. i was confused when i first met them and happened to cling more to my b-moms side and became really close to my two sisters. they at the time were 9 and 10. i spent time with both my mom and dads side getting to know everyone pretty good, but i being a teen and still feeling some bitterness about life in general didnt' take the time to really bond with my dads side of the family and when i was 22 i moved away to be closer to my family that raised me. i had no idea what i wanted and felt torn between the two, so i danced between the both. when i was 27 i moved back out to be with them and in that time all my brothers and sisters had gone thru their development years from being a child to a teen. i had missed some really important years and had only really kept in contact with my b-mom and my sisters on her side, so my brothers and sisters on my b-dads side where so much more grown up and strangers again to me. Edward who had always been shy kept to himself so much. we talked a bit since then, but never really bonded well after that. silly me i figured i'd give him the time to get used to me being around and that eventually we'd both get to the point where we'd feel that comfortableness we had when he was younger. well that time never had a chance to come. when he was 18 he passed away in a car crash with a cousin of ours and four other boys. it was a drinking and driving accident and nobody was wearing their seatbelts. when i first found out i couldn't even register the news. my b-mom came over to inform me of what happened and i was stupified. Edward never went out drinking, he was a stay at home or play basketball kind of guy and didn't even really get along with the cousin he spent the evening with. nobody knows what made him decide to go out that night, but the simple fact that he wasn't a drinker and that he was the glue that kept his younger brothers and sisters from heading down that path made it all that much more hard for everyone to digest what happened. i missed my opportunity to get to know him again and i am forever sorry that i did. during the wake and funeral i learned soooo much about him that i didn't know while i was away. i think back on the time now and wonder y i didn't sit down and say "hi" more often that i did. i take every opportunity at this point to get to know all my brothers and sisters no matter how much time we manage to spend together. i am really close to the eldest on my dads side now and am getting to know the younger two more all the time. life is short and can be unexpectantly shorter. this happened in 2001 but will always have a strong impact on me when i think back on it.