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My recent boyfriend the one who has me knocked up, told his mother i was pregnant before me and him even talked about the situation good enough to make plans. His mother pretty much said i had no choice but to get married because there was no baby out of wedlock happening around there. i'm 16 and i feel its just a bit too early for all that. she asked me did i want to get married before or after the baby, i told her after but i really wanted to say after i turn 30. he wants to marry me and so do i but i just dont feel like right now is the best time. how do i explain it to them or should i fall through with the plans that i had no part in? keep in mind that i do want to marry him but just not right now.
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No one can compel you to do anything that you don't want, including marriage. Marriage is hard enough when you want it, much harder when you have even a grain of doubt or do it for reasons other than wanting to make a lifetime commitment to another person. Same BTW with parenting.
Best of luck,
Regina
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If you want to wait, WAIT!!! I went through with a marriage because I was pg (miscarried) then divorsed only a year and a half later. I wanted to marry him also, but not right then. You are right, 16 is young to get married. Tell them you will absolutely not get married before you turn 18, and at that time he can ASK you to marry him and you will CONSIDER it then... Sorry in-laws (even before they're inlaws) can be evil sometimes. I was pg with my first when I was 16 also. My dad wanted me to get emancipated (sp) and marry the father (who was 15) yeah, that didnt happen. Dont think its even legal... (not the same guy I married later- I was smart at 16, but forgot to think about it when I was 19) but anyway, I understand where you're at. PM me anytime. I'll get back to you asap!
By all means follow your heart.
There is NO law book that says you have to get married if you are pregnant.
My nephew got a girl pregnant so he married her thinking it was the "right" thing to do. Here it is two years later and they are getting divorced and boy is it nasty.
I am curious how old the guy is that got you pregnant? If he is over 18 it could be his mom is trying to protect him from going to jail.
In many states sex with a minor can land a guy in jail.
There are alot of resources available if you choose to parent or place your baby in a loving home.
Take a stand...this is your life don't let anyone force you to do anything that you don't want to do.
Take care, hugs,
Maria
He's turning 18 on Friday. The only problem i think i'll have with him is physical. He's abusive. i try to look over it when we first started to talk now the hits are harder. at first i thought they were just love taps but now they're like punches. i care for him so much and wouldnt mind marring him but i see a quick divorce in the future with me being in the hospital
Are you for real? "...at first i thought they were just love taps but now they're like punches. i care for him so much and wouldnt mind marring him but... " And this is how you see yourself? You actually WANT this future for yourself but more importantly (if you are actually pregnant) for your baby?? In many states (perhaps most) you can't even get married that young without your parent's concent. What do your parents think about this??
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I agree with all the advise to follow your heart, if you are not ready and already have reservations that should help you to know that marriage is maybe not for you. Marriage is a wonderful thing if you are best friends, love each other deeply and treat each other with respect. I would be concerned by the abuse that he is showing toward you, when things get rocky it only gets worse. You are very young and there is not a need to rush into a marriage you are not ready for. If he loves you and it is meant to be, then waiting until you are ready should not be a problem. I say wait until the baby comes, see how you feel then. I do think it is great that he wants to be there for you and to be a father, that is a good sign. The best thing you can do for the baby is to give him/her both a mommy and daddy, make that your priority and don't let anyone pressure you to marriage unless that is what you really want.
The fact he's already punching you around and his Mom is trying to bully you are big warning signs! This is not a healthy family. Your boyfriend will NOT get better without recognizing he has a problem and doing extensive work with a therapist.
It's OK to love him and hope he gets better. But you can't rescue him and you can't make him want to stop. Any guy who would hit the love of his life and the young woman carrying his child is NOT a guy who will be father of the year or even husband of the month!
Please run as fast as you can and get some counseling/therapy from a trained professional. You have some serious thinking to do. It can impact your life and that of your child! Please, please talk to someone neutral who can help you sort it out!
Good luck! I hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!