Did You Watch It?

I watched most of the show altough I missed the beginning. As I watched though,.I thought about my wonderful husband who is really a Daddy to our adopted child. I think there is a BIG difference between a Daddy and a "father". I guess, having gone through the rigorous process to become an adoptive parent, I assumed we were all doting, loving, caring mommy's and daddys'. WISEONE, thank you for sharing: I had no idea that all adopted children are not smothered with love and kisses and real Daddy's.

Some of the historionics were a bit much, but I enjoyed the show. I've met both of my biological parents and have an ongoing relationship with my bdad. There were certain parts of the show to which I could relate--the bond, etc. Also, I swear I could tell Charlie was her dad from the beginning--and that she knew it almost from the start, too. I guess I just felt comforted knowing that someone else felt such strong feelings when they met their bdad. Was it exploitative? Maybe. But they willingly participated, and if they get a lifelong relationship from it, it was probably worth it to both of them. I think it was brave of both of them, especially TJ.

The very second I saw a commercial for the show, I cringed. My birth father and I just happened to discover the truth about our relationship and began our reunion process the day before this show began advertising. We discussed whether we would watch the show when it aired and both agreed that it would be inappropriate. I think we made a wise and healthy choice.

Nancy, thanks for attaching a link to the adoptee , TJ, portrayed on the Who's Your Daddy web site. Now that I've visited her web site, I can read between the lines... I wondered what kind of casting call attracted TJ to apply for the role as the desperate adoptee in search for her long lost birth father? Also, what's Charlie's story? Is he also an actor? Taking a look at the content on TJ's web site, the words she uses to describe herself are SEX, SEXY and SEXIEST. These adjectives are supposed to promote TJ. She has elected to use these words to describe herself and used them in her association as an adoptee. She lists "Who's Your Daddy" in her ACTING RESUME... so one wonders... is the whole show a contrived scam? There are some people who've posted favorable things about the show, mostly how emotional it was portrayed. Well, actors can be quite skilled in the art.

I understand that you emphasized that there are adoptees who may or may not had the experiences you described. However, almost every description you used to describe your experience I can use to describe my friend's home (she is an extreme pack-rat, has pets that have stunk up the house, and rotting food in the cupboards) which is only 3 years old and in a very nice area, her lack of understanding about her finances, and her relationship with her 4 NON-adopted children (by three different fathers) who have felt replaced by each new child she has because she ignores the older ones when the new one arrives. By the way, she is also an RN! I fail to understand how a stinky house describes the experience of an adoptee's feelings of being unwanted. I don't think the experiences you had are at all exclusive to adoptees. Many non-adopted children have lived the life you described.

Unfortunately you are absolutely correct there are natural and adopted children who are raised by people who live in home conditions that are in my opinion obscene. To your friends children my heart breaks. There is a difference though. The adoptive baby is told they are 'special' because of being given up for adoption. (Something I think is a HUGE error) As the early years progress, the adoptive child innately knows they are not blood related - and that 'special comment' begins to seem like an untruth. It is common for adoptees to fantasize about what the birthparents are like. These horrible home life conditions make those fantasies and longings even stronger. Then an adopted child pre-teen visits other homes and not only sees the upkeep of the home they are visiting but the warmth & laughter - a kind that the adopted child has never known or felt - going back home is hallow, sad and something they must keep to themself. Having had "deadbolt locks" put on bedroom doors took the isolated feeling further. My adopted sister and I were not taught that people can argue & resolve conflict - and be closer in the process. My ad-father had a pension from being an officer in the military, worked government jobs with a good income, plus made sure he received the best education and yet we lived this way. Yes there is something different about adoptive parents - people who choose to take on the responsibility of adopting - filling out documents to proove they are fit parents - and do this not once. - But four different times. People who have their own children that live in the exact same conditions do not have do deal with knowing the nightmare could have been avoided if the agency had done a better job of screening.

As an adoptee, I understand quite well what you're saying, and I honestly believe that the adoption community grieves when adoptive parents treat their children badly. One would think that wanting children badly enough to go through the adoption process even once (never mind four times) would ensure that the children would feel a lifetime of love and of being wanted. However, as far as the WYD show goes, I don't know if adoptive home conditions played a role. Those of us who search aren't necessarily unhappy in our adoptive families. And as far as the first "contestant" is concerned, I'm sorry to say that I have to wonder what search and reunion meant to her, given that she includes the show in her "acting" resume.

I understand stand and been in your footsteps but you have to be careful for what you wish for. Who's to say that the next episode will be staged or even play a cruel prank that none of the contestants are their Daddy. Now who is to blame since the producer has control over putting what ever they want on the airway. Why play with peoples emotions like that. For the past 27 yrs since being seperated from my father I had to play the role in order to get behind the scenes and behind the dangerous prison walls to find my father. As a child I convienced myself that I would complete this mission and get reunited with my father. To be cheated out of my childhood & adulthood and to keep this a secret until I joined this forum. We all have been manipulated by the system one way or another but you can never let them see you sweat. Kill them with a smile and laughter that I have successed when you thought I was going to fail. The question that I must ask you is should I tell my foster mother and siblings that I located my father. Keep in mind we only spoke on a few encounters and once leaving the household after High School we never returned. The most painful part about it is that my foster mother sent care packages, support, and money to her own biological children but left us out there to with nothing. And once we became successful try to take ownership and say loud and proud "These Are My Foster Children" which became our first name. Now as a Black Man picture having no one to borrow from, no place to call home, and face the daily struggles of the mean streets of New York. To let people use and abuse you but in return you are gaining their knowledge. To be relieved that finally no need to hold it in and share my experiences with the others. I will never be the same !!!!!! That was my path and journey and I finally scored my personal Touchdown by finding the man the system took away from me.......... I will never leave a teammate or someone touched by adoption behind. I end with this one question......... Is it all about the money and politics?????? Hmmmmmmmmmmm "I would rather see your child in a camp from 9-5 than facing a 5-9 sentence. My message will be the same on either side of the bars. Stay Focused and stop doing it dirty. Be an active listener to your child and family needs. Keep Football Alive." Miltdaddy "Bringing People Together" Adoptee Reunited with Daddy after 27 yrs NYC "Boldest" Football Concerned Memeber Asst Peanut Jets Football Coach Mentor / Adoption Advocate Independent Photographer/ Photojournalism

FIRST -> FOR ADOPTEES ONLY READING THIS. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND GOING TO [url]WWW.ANASTACIA.COM[/url] AND FOR FREE YOU CAN HEAR THE SONG "LEFT OUTSIDE ALONE" -> SHE IS VERY POPULAR IN EUROPE BUT RELATIVELY UNKNOWN IN THE US. THIS SONG TOUCHED ME AS AN ADULT ADOPTEE. ( I will be posting some lyrics

later ) Having posted already why due to life experience I believe the exposure to the feelings an Adoptee experiences is unusual and grateful for the airing of Who's Your Daddy. I had no idea who was the adoptee to be used and had an open mind. Not always logging in here daily or even weekly, I knew that there would be comments either for or against the program. I didn't expect ( I always see the best in people) the stabbing superficial comments about how this girl "T.J." looked, how she obviously had many plastic surgeries, members posting her website used to propel her choice of career. Judgment on that no links to adoptive sites on her website. Now a new thread dedicated to that this women has done porn. :( Watching the program - I saw someone who is an adult adoptee that has tried very hard to be perceived as perfect, and she is a pretty girl. Having used the mask of being perceived as 'perfect' in school and as a young adult - I can understand why possibly she has presented herself this way - to be accepted. (However untrue having a 'perfect' appearance yields.) However the producers of this show found this girl and - her looks should not take away from the empty feeling she was facing to fill by meeting her birth father. So what if T.J. dreams of being an actress and has done film work (soft porn). Many PG movies have soft porn attributes. She was given up as an infant - and she is surviving by trying to live a dream - maybe to get attention that she never felt as a child. She also served in the military (most who enlist come for a middle or lower class background ). CELEBRITY ORPHANS / ADOPTEES : Please recollect orphans (adoptees - the dressed up name) : Marilyn Monroe (most likely committed suicide, Dana Plato (committed suicide) , and of course there is the serial killer David Berkowitz who was so tormented about being adopted it led to unleashing his inner rage on strangers. CELEBRITIES BY VIRTUE OF FAMILY HISTORY - BORN INTO A FAMOUS FAMILY OR FROM A FAMILY WITH MONEY. - Drew Barrymore, Gwenyth Paltrow, Angelica Houston, etc. etc. etc. --- to many to mention. (EMAIL ANY NAMES OF CELEBRITY'S WHO ARE ADOPTEES - I AM INTERESTED) Please try to understand and don't put down an adoptee who is trying to defy the odds of the hand dealt to her - while giving a free pass to those who have to do no marketing what-so-ever to get a break in the entertainment industry. So best wishes to T.J. - she is in a difficult judgmental career choice - no matter how great you look it is still cold and cruel.

Thanks for your post. I had no idea what she looked like and wouldn't presume to judge on that basis if I had. My comment was about her putting her appearance on the show in her acting resume.We have a list of adopted persons who are celebrities or well-known, or famous in some way at https://adoption.com/wiki/Adoption_Celebrities ThanksNancy

Yes, isn't that quite odd to list on an acting resume the show that's supposed to be a reality drama? Why would TJ do something like that? Hm, maybe because Who's Your Daddy was an act to begin with... just speculatin' :D

I opted not to watch the show after seeing the previews. It looked so cheezy. Entitleing the show, "Who's your Daddy?", I felt was a mockery of who daddy's really are. As far as I know, (and again I didn't watch the show so I am being quick to judge) this guy was her birth father and not "Daddy". The name daddy is so special to me so, like I said, I couldn't take it seriously. Reunion stories are one thing, but to turn it into a game, I felt was cheap. Just my opinion.

MJ, you are just so precious. I too think the name "Daddy" holds a sacred place in my heart-- it's a word that defines a loving caregiver as protector, provider, and one of earned trust and respect. The show's use of the catch phrase "Who's Your Daddy" asks-- 1. Who's the boss of your life (what rules you)?; but infers, 2. Who sexually turns you on? What a belittling insult to fatherhood.

For those who feel the show was horrible press for adoption, I can truly say the worse part was the name. Also, if you feel that it is heart wrenching to see what she went through trying to pick out her father out of all the men, then imagine that she has done this every day of her life. It seems as though more adoptive parents were concerned about the show. Many people who are adopted or are birthparents spend much time thinking the same thoughts while doing "normal" things like wondering if the person standing next to them in the grocery line could be them, or the child running in the park could really be there bio parent or child. This is a reality that many of us face. The thing is, that it is a very personal and private thing that we do and may not share with others even those really close to us. So while you may think you would NEVER want your child to go through that then maybe it is time to realize that they already do.

APPLAUSE TINAMSHARP BELOW POST I SUBMITTED TO THE ADULT ADOPTEE AREA WHEN THE QUESTION OF WHERE ARE THE ADOPTEE AND BIRTHFATHER NOW.... I am sure this isn't daylight information - but the show 'Who's Your Daddy' was a pilot show. A repeat on the Oprah show today plugged the Wife Swap show - coincidently it also airs on the same channel. The Dr. Phil show today aired a program with Samuel Jackson promoting the new coaching film (not sure if the studio is also behind the same channel - I would guess yes). Guests from Regis & Kelly, The View, Etc. that make the rounds are promoting a book, new movie, new show, and it is a trade between the show and the studios that produce them. Whatever will occur with the people involved with Who's Your Daddy? We may never know, because many of the very people who should be behind any coverage of adult adoptees judged the show, the girl involved, etc etc negatively. But who minds about the daily 'Product Parade' by main stream celebrities dressed up as 'interviews' aka infomercials to promote themselves. Hopefully the adult adoptee crowd is too smart to be sheep and drones to watch that and not have a clue. At least for a moment - no matter how many things could be different about the format, title, etc of the show - a small spotlight was put in front of an adult adoptee. How very rare that is.