What drew you to adopting transracially?

Natalie: Please don't feel badly about asking honest and heartfelt questions. There are many people who have asked similar questions; and perhaps, some who 'should' have asked these questions before adopting. That said, I'm going to post a response I gave to another poster on this board. I think it gives a good overview into adopting transracially. I know that for us, there was simply no other option in our request. (We're both seemingly CC, as I say). And, if we are able to adopt one more infant, we will only request an AA baby or AA/some other race baby. It is important to check out all sides, to know if you are ready, to know if this is 'for you'....and to realize that the conditions of transracial adoption ARE different and will forever change the profile of yourselves and your family: Now I'll go out on a limb here....... While I think it's important for you to consider how this child will grow up.......it is more important (IMO).....for you to recognize how you both will feel about this child. Situations change. Neighborhoods change. (We live in a very rural area...predominately white......10 miles from the nearest college town that is more diverse.)......but, I can tell you that---for most of their years---we raised our first two within this environment, very successfully.....and they are Asian. Our youngest two are AA, and still toddlers. Yes, there are concerns. Yes, there will be some hurdles to overcome...but the bottom line in everything I have read is 'how will you deal with forever being a family of color?' Are you both prepared to cry, laugh and discuss with your child about this hard world of racism? Is there a chance that you will continually wish you had a bi-racial child, or CC baby instead? And....given that this baby might be AA......will you be disappointed that s/he might not have a lighter complexion, or more CC features? One of the saddest things I have seen...is when adoptive parents go into transracial adoption.....and continually try to make the child/baby seem 'lighter'.....try to 'play down' the darker complexion'........or read about the parents talking about 'how this baby just doesn't seem to be like ours......' These are the things I find more important. You can always find more people to be with, a new neighborhood, a different church, it's true. But, if there is even a twinge of 'gee, I wish s/he were lighter, or really CC'......then I think there are deeper issues here that need to be addressed before taking in any child of color. Please understand, I do not mean to offend you. I can appreciate that you're asking questions because you and your husband are taking this move seriously. (And this is good, because I don't think a lot of people do...) But, it's the 'gut-level' feeling I would be paying more attention to. After all......regardless of color, this baby/child/teen and adult will be depending on you to steer them through life, love them and be by their side. At the end of the day, it's that relationship that will be paramount in the scheme of things, I think. My best to you in whatever you decide.... BTW.....we never regretted our decision. We chose adoption and did not have problems in conceiving a bio child. Our only regret, has been adopting older children...which have brought us the greatest heartbreaks we've ever known; and conditions we felt we were prepared for, but weren't. We have survived, but not without scars. I will also add, that if there is any hesitation from either of you to adopt---or adopt a child from another race, I think you should spend more time considering the move, before going into it. Again, my best to you.... Sincerely, Linny

This question has been my personal bugaboo lately - not for myself, but for my father. I will be (hopefully!) a single mother, am CC, and am adopting from Mali, West Africa. I live here and am looking to adopt an abandoned baby from the orphanage - not for "salvation" purposes, but because these are the babies who need mommies. My father, who is an old-white-man-Republican, has called me a salmon. He says I only want to swim upstream and make society mad. He is afraid that I am adopting an African baby solely to thumb my nose at society. I told him that if I find a white baby in Mali, I'll make a special request for her. :D The fact of the matter is that his reality is different from my reality. He lives in a lily-white neighborhood in Arizona, and when I move back to the US I'll be in a very integrated section of Chicago. I've done the research and the mental processing and the reading...and the reading...and the reading...and am OK with the challenges my daughter and I will face. I will do all I can to mitigate those, but I know there will be issues.So, to echo the previous comment, it's all about you and how YOU will react and deal.Good luck!

Hey ladies--I posted this message on another thread earlier, but would like to mention this FABULOUS book I am reading on the topic. It's called, "In Their Own Voices" by Rita J. Simpson and Rhonda M. Roorda. It's a book of interviews with AA and biracial adults who were raised in white families. It chronicles their experiences, how they feel about it, etc. It is SO good and very insightful. (We are in the process of adopting from Haiti.) Just my two cents! -Gwenn

our agency had us read "in there own voices".... and i was so discouraged by the first few essays..... i was so sure we were making a mistake... but now that we have adopted. so far there is no mistake this child was meant to be ours......... we know we will have obstacles to face as he gets older.....but we are prepared. i am now reading "i am chocolate your vanilla"....i hope i did not butcher the title......it is very insightful...sofar. best of luck in your decisions!!!!!

We just had the chance to adopt a biracial baby thrown at our feet. We never expected to get a baby because we've been wanting to adopt through the state. And we never thought we'd get a white child. So of course we're thrilled. hehe :)

My DH is from Trinidad and is mixed race, including Black. I am Caucasian. For our first adoption, we chose to adopt from Haiti so that my husband and our child would share their Caribbean roots. We have decided to adopt only Black or bi-racial children so as to give all our children as much common ground as possible. One of the things to be aware of, as I'm sure you are because of your sister, is that transracial families are very obvious and conspicuous. This means that you can rarely go anywhere or do anything without being stared at or asked probing questions by strangers. If you feel you can handle this sort of thing with grace and style, then welcome to the club. I really try very hard to be as friendly and nice to people since I don't ever want our children to feel that their adoptions are only spoken about in anger or frustration or shame or secrecy or anything like that. Yes, I protect my children's privacy and respect that their adoption stories are theirs to tell, but I don't hesitate to promote adoption and show the world that our family is just as happy and loving and "normal" as any other. And since you've got hands-on experience in caring for black hair and skin, I think you're well on your way to following your heart. Good luck and God bless you on your adoption journey.

I know that being AA, it would seem obvious that I'd adopt a child of color. My husband is CC, and we were open to adopting children with AA heritage, and that included AA children and Biracial children who are part AA. I think it was just a natural progression of where we wanted to adopt, although one time my husband said he wanted to adopt a baby from China, and I said "But what about right here in the U.S. where there is a need for families for children, and a large portion of them being AA?" Good luck on your pursuit. I would say read up on AA history which really is AMERICAN history since it had a lot to do with how America is the way it is. Make sure your child knows about princes and princesses, heros, doctors, lawyers etcetera who made an impact on history who are Black. And most of all just love your child and do your best and stay willing to learn. :)