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I'm an amom of a seven-week-old baby boy. We were fortunate enough to be in the hospital when he was born and even had him in a room with us for the first 48 hours of his life. His bmom was in a room next door, so we saw her quite a bit at the hospital, and we got to know her fairly well during the last trimester of her pregancy. However, this coming weekend will be the first visit with her since our son was born, and adad is a little freaked out. I've been the big proponent of an open adoption all along, and he's pretty much just been along for the ride. Bmom has no transportation, so we're meeting at her house. Is this a bad thing? Should I push for her to try to find a way to meet us someplace else? Also, bmom smokes and did so throughout her pregnancy, but I really hate the idea of her smoking around him. Should I say something and risk offending her, or just keep my mouth shut and hope that the secondhand smoke won't affect him for the short time that he's exposed to it on this visit? I'd love some advice from more experienced aparents here... Thanks!
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When our son was born 3.5 years ago we lived in a different state than his birthmother. She wanted to see him and wanted her mom and other kids to see him before we returned to our home. He was discharged on Monday and that following Friday we were going to pick her up and take her to her mom's house with the baby, but that did not work out. We were not real comfortable with that situation any way. We set up a meeting the next day at a mall. We were very fortunate that my parents had come in town that morning and they were there with us for moral support. It turned out to be a good visit for us.
If you feel more comfortable I would try to arrange a meeting at a smoke-free spot, even if you have to pick her up and take her there.
Good luck with your visit.
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Thanks to those of you who posted your suggestions. We had our first visit yesterday and it really went well. DH decided not to go - he just isn't comfortable with that level of openness yet, but I think it will come with time. I took DS to the bmom's house after all b/c her time was limited and it seemed easier not to make an issue out of going over there. (I had been over half a dozen times during the last trimester of her pregnancy.) As it turned out, she had anticipated that I wouldn't want her to smoke around DS, so she went in another room and closed the door when she needed a cigarette, without my having to say a thing. It was really a pretty relaxed visit. I had spent a lot of time with the bmom in person and talking on the phone before DS was born, so I shouldn't have been so worried! Anyway, thanks again!