visitations with kids

I haven't had to deal with that. But can you get the children placed sooner? Maybe have them placed as pre-adoptive or even fost/adopt. There may be a way around these uncomfortable issues with the fostermother. Have you talked to the caseworker about how you feel? This is usually a good place to start and get their take on the situation. As a fosterparent I know how difficult it is to say goodbye to children when they leave. It's very emotional, happy and sad at the same time. And I always tend to worry about the children, and how'll they'll do in their new surroundings. What issues are you having with the fostermother? She may be out of line or they may just be common things people have to deal with when it comes to fostering. -LeenaB

It is extremely hard to say goodbye to a child you've had that long. You are torn in so many directions with many conflicting emotions. When you find out a child is leaving..part of you want them to go ASAP, the longer you have them...knowing they are leaving the more mourning you go through. You know it will be easier when they leave and you can pick up the pieces and move on. On the other hand you are so emotionally attatched to the kids that it's hard to let them go...you worry about them...you worry how they will deal with leaving you and entering the new family...you worry if they will like it there and feel at home...you worry how they will be treated. It's also hard to be an adoptive parent...I've been on both sides. You are also going through emotional turmoil. All you can think about is getting the kids in your home. You worry if you are doing the right thing...if these are really supposed to be your kids.Then all you will think about is for the finalization date when they will be yours forever. Once the kids are in your home permantently (depending on their age) you will have so many wonderful times...and also times that aregoing to be difficult...you will have to work on bonding...on listening to your kids and understanding where they have come from and all the loss and devistation they have been through. It's hard on both sides....I guess my advice is to....try and have compassion on the foster family...understand their point of view...and the fact that although you are gaining a wonderful family they are on the other end...trying to deal with loss and grief...and also excitment for you and your new family.

Thanks for the advice-sometimes I feel like this process of adoption is overwhelming. We adopted 3years ago through a private agency so the Foster Care process is very different for us. The trouble with the Foster Mom is that everytime we talk she points out negative things; it's like she is looking for a problem. She confronted me b/c "M" said that our house is his home and that her home isn't his. Mind you he just turned 4years old. I told her I would never put those thoughts into his head; I think he is just trying to figure out what is going on. But she is so confrontational about everything I do. She was mad b/c I gave him cold medicine for a cough (he was up all night coughing) and she's into Holistic med. It's just a constant nit-pick. While I respect and appreciate all she has done for M & K and I truly understand how hard it is to say goodbye (although we've agreed to keep in touch) I wish we could work together as a team to get the kids adjusted. The kids both cry and act out when they have to back to her; I try to stay positive and reassure them that they will have a great week and we'll see them next Friday. Is this common for kids to react this way as well? Of course my SW is on vacation this week and seems to be out of the office frequently; but I have been keeping her up to date on the situation. We have filed our homestudy & paperwork to the state. We are just waiting for the consent so we can petition in our county. The SW wants to increase our visits to 5 days and Foster Mom have them for 2 days starting in a few weeks; I think the Foster Mom will be upset. Thanks for being a listening ear-I'm so worried about the whole thing.

Thanks for the advice; we have adopted before through a private agency so this is a new expierince for us. We hope that we can make the transition for the kids smooth and lessen the heartache for the Foster Family as well.