Finding your child

I also am a single mom. It also took me over a year. I can't give much advice different from what you are doing. I did the same things. The only additional thing I can think of is....Does your agency offer additional training? If so go. Let them keep seing you, so they know you are still interested. I hope you are matched soon.

Can I ask what state you are in ? I know another board member has had some issues w/ PA but seems to be getting response to writing letters. Also have you considered going outside of your state? I have seen many good things about TX. Best of luck! Diane

I'm in Michigan. I'm a little disappointed that PA may not be that easy either as it seems like they have a lot of "all families will be considered" kids. TX is kinda far w/my travel budget, or lack of.

I'm a single mom, too. :) I had been a foster parent for 9 months before I got a phone call, totally out of the blue, asking if I was interested in adopting an 18 month old. I said no, I really wanted an older child. So about a week later I got another phone call about a four year old girl...this time I said yes, bring me out her picture and info. We started visits in November 1999, she moved inwith us in December 1999. Her adoption was finalized August 2000 Have you checked the Ohio Photolistings ? Kat

Do keep in mind that adopting "hurt" children is tough anyway, and I would caution against jumping in with a sibling group of males if you only have yourself. Aiming at a single one might work better, but you could face some tough issues without a strong male to work with as they hit rough spots. Of course you may be strong enough to handle it, but definitely thing about it ahead of time! :) Brad

I know how totally frustrating the wait is. It took us nine months to be matched with our kids. Our worker found our kids for us in state. I had been looking out of state because we were looking for kids legally available for adoption, and IL does not have a lot of kids who fit that category who do not have very severe special needs. Our kids were legal risk, but since then parental rights have been terminated. I hate to say this, but a lot of it seems to be dumb luck. One thing that seemed to impress adoption workers was the many, many hours of training I did during the wait. I found the ones offered through the state to be too basic to help me. Check out the North American Council on Adoptable Children Conference, or the National Foster Parent Association Conference, or the ATTach conference. You can get LOTS of foster parent training hours, they will actually be valuable and informative, and you meet committed, experienced, caring foster parents. Not much you can do about this, but if workers are turning you down because of race, that is illegal under federal law in all cases but Native American children.

I sympathize with your wait. We waited for two years before we were matched with our daughter. The first year we spent waiting for someone to call us. After that didn't work, we started going to the parties and checking listings and sending out our homestudy on our own. Our daughter was the first child we sent out our homestudy on and we felt a very strong bond with her just from her listing and talking to her social worker briefly. Sadly, the worker wanted someone in state, although we are only two minutes over the border. Then she was on Wednesday's Child and there were all kinds of other in-state homestudies for the worker to read over. We were at the bottom of the pile. But, we really felt that this girl was meant to be ours and kept in contact with the worker. After four months of waiting and asking I made a website about our family. It was kinda like a "welcome book" for the social worker. It showed us, our pets, our home and our room waiting for a child. We wrote about the resources nearby and added links to schools etc. The day the worker looked at our site, she went to her supervisor and called our worker to set up a disclosure meeting with us! So, the best advice I can give you, other than reading and learning and going to all the conferences you can (which we also did) is to be persistant and if you can, do something a little extra that shows more of who you really are and what you have to offer. For us, the homestudy asked very specific questions about our background and it seemed they wanted to focus on the worst parts of our lives. The website was a good way to show workers our stronger points that were left out of the study. Best of luck, Wendy

Even though we ended up being matched fairly quickly, I remember how every additional day of waiting seemed like torture. I think you've gotten some good suggestions. Definitely you want to keep your name in the SW's mind. Even sending a card now and then, maybe with a picture of you on a trip or doing a hobby. Also preparing a photo album for your future child can help, because before you are matched your SW can show it to children's workers. Include photos of you, andy pets, your home, yard, child's room, maybe your church/loal park/school. Another thing I was about to try right before we were matched: some people said they typed up a one page profile with a photo and sent it to all the counties in their state. It sure doesn't seem like you would have trouble with the age range you want! Do keep in mind that even if you are matched with a child in that range, he will be likely to have birth siblings (even if they are in other homes). We wanted one child, and never considered that our child would have birth siblings. It is okay, but really adds alot of complications (sibling visits, how much contact do you want after finalization, etc.). It is just good to be prepared for that ahead of time. I agree that a sib group would probably be extremely challenging, especially boys from 5 to 12. Even one four year-old girl can be very challenging sometimes ;) ! Well, good luck to you!