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HI!
My name is Elizabeth...I was adopted 36 years ago via Catholic Charities in Trenton, NJ. This past week my confidential intermediary at CC told me that she has found my birthmom and was sending a letter out to her. (I am for certain that now she has received it) I cannot imagine how this woman must feel not even opening the envelope but seeing where it was sent from and just instinctively knowing what the business was about!!! I have to believe that if I were a birthmom, that in your heart, you just know that that phone call or envelope are inevitably possible someday. I guess now I am wondering about her response...will it be favorable in the sense that she can put her past before her current life. We've all done things we are ashamed of (and in my mind she did the right thing at the time!!!) but now it is an opportunity to let go of any shame she may still feel (Which she should not!!!) I am just wondering if she can handle the opportunity of meeting me or as she archived me into her past and never faced up to my birth & adoption. I owe her a world of gratitude for she gave me the greatest gift, the gift of life and I am eternally greatful and hoping that after 36 years she will stand tall in regards to her decision then (in spite of whatever soical/economic standing she is currently) and accept me!
I'll worry about forging a relationship later...I have read how some people have cold feet...almost like the experience is too surreal of meeting their child/parent and having a relationship futuristic just blows them away and cannot deal for whatever reason.
It took me 36 years to come to this point and I have no regrets about reaching out...I am happy, healthy, a proud mother of 2 and perhaps my children were the inspiration for me to embark upon this escapade, I would merely like to thank her. Anything above and beyond is a bonus in my mind!
Again, I cannot imagine what this must be like getting notified that your birth child/parent is seeking you out. I can only hope for the best and it is all in God's hands. I am venting so if you would like to share any stories with me in regards what it was like for you to get that call/letter of your child or birthparent seeking you out...I could really use the support!!!
Thank you in advance!
XO,
E!
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Hey E-
I'm in the same boat...just waiting to hear...and can't even imagine what the other party involved is thinking.
Give it some time and if you don't hear back, perhaps you could write a personal letter that CC will pass on for you (if you haven't already), and maybe even include a picture of you and the kids. Keep it short, sweet and gracious. Hopefully you'll get a positive response back. That's what I'm hoping for.
I hope we both hear back. Good luck!
Laura
ps. Don't give up!
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Elizabeth I can remember the day I received the letter from CC saying my son (39 years old)was looking for me. It was this past June. I had given up "hope" of that ever happening quite awhile ago. I had never actively searched for him as I didn't want to "intrude" on his life, and had left things open at CC in case he ever decided to search for me. When the mailman knocked on the door and showed me the registered letter, I signed for it, walked into the kitchen, sat at the table, and nearly collapsed.I was pretty sure what was in it, but had to have my husband (not the bfather ) open and read it. I felt overwhelmed, happy, scared, terrified actually.I wanted to believe he wanted to meet me for all the "right" reasons, but was terrified he just wanted to meet me, see what I looked like, and then tell me that would be "enough" for him, and would not want me in his life anymore.Even worse, I thought maybe he wanted to tell me he "hated me" for what I did. You can't imagine all the thoughts we go through, wondering how our babies "think of us", or even if they DO think of us through the years. The emotions I felt were so "overpowering". I had to sign a paper, get it notarized, send it back, and it was already too late in the day to get it done that same day. So it had to wait a day, then there was the 4th of July holiday to contend with at CC. The "wait" was excruciating. The "not knowing". All turned out well, but that is another story that I have posted in another thread. I just want to tell you to give it a little time. If she felt anything near what I did, she must be in some type of "shock" right now, and not quite sure what to "think". Please try not to worry about her "shame".She will deal with that whatever way she feels comfortable with, s I'm sure she has been doing all these year.Just live in this moment, and let things unfold slowly. I will keep you in my prayers that you will hear from her soon. Keep good thoughts. janie
Hello ALL!!!
My birthmother has been found!!!! This is all too exhilarating!!! She is taking this next week to let it sink in and figure out how to move forward because I believe minimal amounts of people even know that I exist so now she really has to stare into that mirror of her past. I hope she is strong and in the long run can deal!!!!
I will keep you posted and truly hope you are doing well!!!
Lots of Love,
Elizabeth
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Hi Janie & ALL!!!
It's been a craaaazy couple of weeks...was on vacation last week and the week busy tying things up before I left....wouldn't you klnow it in the midst of all the mayhem, Mary Ann, my birthmom called! I could not believe my ears! Anyway, it's been great! She seems awesome and I look forward to meeting her and her family at some point during the summer!
I have surgery coming up and a busy week ahead before surgery so I will embellish on all of this in about 10 days!!!
Sorry to keep you waiting...
Will chat more on the 12th!
XO and Best of Luck to ALL searching...do not give up hope!!!!
E!
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That's great news! I'm so happy she called you. You have the perfect attitude for this endeavor...curious, grateful and not too needy. Let's hope your mom has the same.
Keep us posted...and good luck with your recovery from surgery...yikes!
Laura
ps. I just sent a second letter out to the person I'm looking for. I so hope to get a call.
Lauralee!
It is an exhilarating place that you are in...just hang in there and do not lose hope! I have found that Mary Ann would have never looked for me just out of respect to my own life but is so appreciative that I took the time and had the courage to come and seek her out and has really stepped up to the plate in all of this! The outcome is so much more than I could've ever really hoped for and sometimes I find myself thinking how eery it is to be in this place! (In a GOOD way, of course!) but quite surreal!
I will be thinking of you and again wanting the BEST for your outcome as well!!!
Thanks for your well wishing...it is again kind of a surprise (Nightmare, to be blunt!) to be dealing with all of this medical stuff amidst of finding Mary Ann but I have to believe that it will all work out the way it is supposed to!
Living my life accordingly and yet with lots of vitality! Such a point of clarity I am faced with...it's all good!
XO,
E! :)
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