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In talking with someone I work with, we have found there may be a girl he knows that wants to give up her baby, due pretty soon. We don't even know if she has already decided on a couple to give the baby to, but my co-worker assures me she is dedicated to adoption, and her family supports it. She knows who the father is, but can't locate him. While we find out whether this child is still a possibility for us, I want to learn some things. My question is:What would we need to do to adopt this child? Would we have to go through an agency, or would we save money by not doing that and just using an attorney? Would we still have to have a home study done? I assume we would pay her medical bills - can anyone confirm that? And would insurance be of any help to us here? We were considering toddlers before this, because of cost and a few other factors.Has anyone approached adoption this way? And if so, would you recommend it to others? Any input is appreciated, positive or negative.
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For all adoption in the US, a homestudy must be complete. What the homestudy entails varies from state to state, but most take a few months to complete. Because this would be an identified adoption, tt would be up to you whether you use a agency only to complete the homestudy or sign on with a full service agency who does more (and costs more).
You will also need a lawyer. Adoptions are a very complicated piece of work. It is important to use an atty that already has experience w/adoption, not just anyone. They will file to term parental rights, and do all the court work.
Whether you pay medical bills or not is up to you. Most bmoms can apply for and get medicare for the duration of the preg. It actually takes care of most costs. If for some reason she doesn't qualify, and is asking for expenses to be paid it is up to you to decide what you can afford. BUT , states are very specific what you can and cannot pay. never make a payment for anything on the bparent's behalf without checking with a lawyer first. States are very leary of "baby buying". And the expenses should be paid directly to where owed vs the bmom whenever possible. Also, if for any reason the bmom does back out, any costs you paid are now gone. They are considered a "gift". (If it wasn't a gift it would smack of coersion or "baby buying".)
Your insurance would not be of any help with the bmom's medical expense, but should cover the birth of the baby and the baby's portion of the hospital bill.
Most state also have waiting period before the rights of the bparents are termed. Varies from 24 hrs to 30+ days. Your lawyer will be able to tell you.
Also, start considering what type of relationship you want to have ongoing w/the bmom. Closed, open, semi-open? I suggest "The Open Adoption Experience" from Lois Melina. We wanted an open adoption and it was very helpful in seeing that it could work, and was invaluable in preparing me for the different stages of the relationship.
Also, find out if counseling for the bmom is availabel in your area. No matter how committed she is, and now matter how certain, placing is probably the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. She's going to need to grieve and the counseling will help her make it through.
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Well, I am so happy that I read the above response before I wrote a lengthy response myself!! Great advice! The only thing that I would add is that some states require an agency under certain conditions so you may not be able to only use a lawyer depending on where you and the pbirthmother live.
Good luck!
Casey
We found our own birthmother and used our own attorney which we found to be much cheaper We did have a homestudy, I believe this is a must, but we used an agency our attorney refered us to. Our birthmother was on state insurance so medical bills were never an issue. We have since found that her parents had not really taken her off their insurance and thought me might end up paying some medical cost but think it is all strightned out now. The one thing you need to do is make sure every effort is made to contact the birthfather and that he has every chance to sign away his rights. This is the very first thing we did. We will keep you and your family as well as the birthmother and her family in our prayers. Keep us posted!