Help!!Scared to make contact

Thesearchguru has posted helpful information about Contact and Reunion. I've pasted two posts below that you may find helpful. Best of Luck! :) Best Way to Make Contact for a Successful Reunion by Colleen Buckner It's important to realize that the most crucial part of the reunion is the first contact. If the first contact isn't handled with sensitivity and respect for the other person’s privacy it can forever alter the outcome of the reunion. It’s wise to never assume that the person you are trying to contact will be as excited to be found as you are excited to find them. The other person probably will be thrilled to be contacted...however don't assume this and let the excitement of the moment propel you into making a rash decision to make a phone call and surprise them. THE LETTER OPTION: I strongly encourage everyone to send a letter for the first contact and not to make a phone call or knock on a door. The letter from an adoptee should include a family picture if married or a casual snapshot if single. A birth parent should include one taken about the time of the adoptee's birth and a current snapshot. A good format for your letter would be to have three paragraphs; the first paragraph you could identify yourself and give some information about your adoption connection; the second paragraph you could give some information about yourself now (career, education, hobbies, family) to give the receiver of the letter a “comfort zone” for contacting you back; the third paragraph you might want to make a statement similar to this: “My research has led me to you. Please be assured that I only would like the opportunity to correspond with you now or to possibly meet you some day in the future if that is agreeable with you. It is not my intent to invade your life in any way. I will respect your privacy and will honor your decision whatever way it goes. I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to receive a letter from you indicating your feelings, either way, so that I am at least able to know I have reached you successfully.” THE PHONE CALL OPTION: A phone call can be more instantly gratifying and has worked for many people. However, it can also bring any possible reunion to an immediate end if the birth relative you are contacting hasn’t told other members of their family about the relinquishment. A birth relative may want to know more about you through correspondence before talking on the phone. The person being contacted may also need processing time to consider your request. What you don’t want to do is create a “deer in the headlights syndrome” and force them to make a quick decision if they were not expecting to hear from you. A phone call can put your reunion at risk! It’s better to be safe than sorry…. The most powerful contact is between the people involved in the relinquishment and adoption. A third party contacting the person you are looking for is not generally the best way to start a relationship. It’s also not wise to contact other relatives first in the hopes that they may tell you where your birth parents are living or where the adoptee is living. Relating your adoption connection to an unknowing relative could jeopardize your reunion. If you are using a search angel or a professional searcher to assist you in your search make sure that you advise your search assistant what contact rules are important to you in your search. Be optimistic and respectful and give yourself time to make the contact in a way that will give your reunion the greatest chance of success. Be prepared to “wait” for a response. If the person you are looking for has also been actively searching for you then you probably will get a quick response. If they haven’t been looking for you it may take one to three months before they respond to your letter. The burden of patience falls on the person who initiated the contact, whether that person was the birthparent, birth relative or the adoptee. When you contact someone, you take them by surprise. Whether it's a positive surprise or a negative one, chances are that person will need time to adjust. If you haven’t heard from them after one to three months I would suggest writing a second letter. ADVICE FOR REUNITING WITH A BIOLOGICAL FAMILY MEMBER by Dr. Phil Reconnecting with a long lost loved one can be a powerful experience, and therefore you need to plan for it. Dr. Phil gives advice on preparing for both the reunion, and the relationship afterward. Think about the reasons you want to reunite with your parent, child or sibling. Remember, they have a family and so do you. You can't turn the clock back or expect to fill the role that you have not played all these years. You are adults, strangers with genetic ties, coming together to build a relationship. Be realistic about the role that you feel you can play in their life and vice versa. You must go into the reunion with realistic expectancies, not fanciful hopes. If you make someone out to be perfect, you are guaranteed to be disappointed. People get hurt when they have unrealistic expectations, and those expectancies are dashed. These unrealistic expectancies can set you up for failure. It is not what happens in people's lives that upsets them, it's whether or not what what happens in their lives is what they expected that upsets them. Don't allow yourself to think that everything in your life will suddenly be resolved overnight once you reunite, or you will be let down. A reunion is an event, but the relationship is a process that needs time to unfold. You have to really work to build a relationship and you have to be patient. Start out with the goal of finding something that is comfortable for everybody, and don't put any pressure on yourself. Allow a natural evolution of things to take place. Like all relationships, expect your relationship with the person you have reunited to go up and down. Your best chance for having a good relationship long term is to take it slow and move at a measured pace. This is a marathon and not a sprint. Be patient and let it unfold naturally, so that it will be lasting. You don't want to do anything that would cause this coming together to separate you again. When adoptive parents are supportive of the process it strengthens the bond between them and their children. Adoptive parents are the real heroes. They are the ones that have stepped up and filled the void for these children. Adoptive parents should not take it personally when their child wants to find his/her birth parents. The search is not about rejection. It is part of human nature to want to know who we are and where we come from. Many blessings on your search journey, Colleen Buckner, THE SEARCH GURU Moderator for Search and Reunion Message Board [url]http://www.adoptionsearchcalifornia.com/[/url] Other great websites to check out: [url]http://www.adoptionchat.com[/url] [url]http://www.adoption.com[/url] [url]http://www.adopting.org[/url] [url]http://registry.adoption.com/[/url]