Lack of early childhood/birth parent photos?

sfbaymom, thought of this thread when I read your post:[url="http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=184837"]http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=184837[/url] I have photos, as I was adopted at 3.5 weeks. But I can say it would really bother me if I didn't. Not sure what can be done about that. Maybe some of the others have some suggestions. Good luck.

We also didnt have many ... but did pursue contact with birthfamily in order to get some pictures. It took 5 years to get bdad pics (but we have them now...). It is hard ... and they have to grieve it. No words of advice ... just I am sorry. Jen

First of all sorry, I am missing pics. of me from only a few months of my life, but even that stings. I know what you will face could be rough. If you could track down pics. that would be good. But, in many cases I know you can't, just know it will hurt your child. Maybe keeping really great care to keep up with all you can from the time you become a family would help. And at some point when you see you child is hurting from it, let them grieve the loss don't try to say it doesn't matter, because it does. Good luck.

I was adopted at age three. The loss of my pre-adoption photos had bothered me so much. It is like as if my birth mother robbed my first three years of life. That is exactly how I felt at that time.

Lis6191 - I read the thread you listed and it was helpful. Thanks to everyone who responded. I am going to make every effort (through the county) to get any photos I possibly can - if not from the bparents, then hopefully from a birth relative. Also, I hadn't thought to ask if we can get any photos from the prior foster parents, but I think I will give that a try, also. Thanks!

My oldest son does not have any pictures prior to entering my home at age 2 1/2y. While his case was open, I tried repeatedly to have his birthmother take pictures of them together at visits and also asked to borrow pictures so I could make copies. Her response was "DCFS took my child so I'm not giving them anything." I tried to reason with her that the only person she was hurting was her son, but she would not budge. I look back at that beautiful toddler and can't help but wonder what he looked like as an infant. I feel resent toward his birthmother for treating her son so callously. I hope you are able to get some pictures for your little angel! Sam

I was adopted when I was 8 months old ~ the only "baby" pics of me where taken by my foster family I believe. My birthmom had 3 baby pics and my a/family only had one ( one of them that my birthmom also had, so foster family must have given that one to them) I do wish I had more baby pics ~ especially following the births of my two daughters. We had so many of my husband and it was so nice seeing the similiarities between them and their dad....would have loved to do the same with photos of myself. At times I do feel saddened that there really are no visual images of me prior to being adopted but I don't dwell on it too much ~ no point because there is absolutely nothing that can be done to change "what is"

Many state agencies keep their own life books now. I'm in NJ and my office took pictures of my son at birth and on monthly visits. They develop them and put them in books for the children. I got my son at two weeks of age so I really didn't have to worry, but my sons half sister was just placed in a pre-adoptive home at 2 years old. The office was able to give this family all of the pictures that were taken of her since she was born. (She was taken at birth.) I think this is a great idea. It IS important to know what you looked like as a baby. But I guess if a child was taken when he or she was older you WOULD have to get baby pics from family and I know that isn't always possible. I sent a disposable camera to one of my sons visits. They took a picture of my son's bmom holding him on her lap. I was upset because I wanted a full view of her face for HIM to see when he got older. She has since picked up and moved. I found out that there are several good pictures of her in my son's lifebook (the ones the social worker took). I am so happy that my office knew the importance of pictures. Now my son will know what his bmom looked like and I think that is a wonderful thing! Good luck trying to track down some pictures! I definatley would ask the foster home the child was in. They should have no problems in giving you some. Or you could even offer to copy them and give the origonals back! I would also ask your state office if they took pictures for a lifebook.

My daugther came to live with me when she was 15 months old. She only came with 1 picture as a baby..taken around 10 months(I guess)..She is now 8..It has bothered her off and on through her early life..she questions me once in awhile why I dont have any. I can only be honest...I tell her that her birthmom has them. I tell her maybe when she is older she will get to see them. I have no idea where birthmom is..but hopefully my daughter will get these some day. All I can do is support her and let her know that I am sad too that we don't have them....I always talk to her teachers about this..just to warn them...I know some classes do projects where they want a baby picture..so far this has worked...She has not been asked to bring in any baby pictures..that is a big fear of mine...good luck!

Thanks again for the responses. I have to admit I am getting more nervous about this. If it is so hard to not have photos before 8 months, or 15 months, can you imagine having none before four years old? Well, I am jumping ahead again, because hopefully we will get some. Former foster parents will only have them from age 3 to 4. Another thing that will make it hard is that we have always taken TONS of pictures of our bio daughter C, so I am sure M will make comparisons. I really hope the aunt or grandmother will cooperate. I will be more than happy to have copies made or pay to have them made. I would be happy to pay $100 or $200 "extra" just to get them...it would be worth it...but I am sure the county would not go for that. Mommyof2 - I have also worried about the school projects, and plan to talk to M's teachers about it. Have your teachers canceled the project for the whole class, or was you child exempt?

I tried the route of fomer foster parents...they wouldnt give them to me...can you believe it!?! Not sure why...they are no longer foster parents with the agency for this and other reasons...they are obviously not cooperative. So far I have been lucky with the assignments...so I hope it continues..her first grade teacher assigned something by accident..but I was able to adapt the assignment..the teacher was very apologetic....I think telling the teachers at the beginning of the year makes a HUGE difference...just be there to support M...I hope/pray you get the pictures..it will be one less battle you will have to fight later....