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Hi, I am new to the forum, my husband and I gave our baby boy up for adoption 14 years ago. We are now ready to start a family of our own and have been TTC for over a year now. It is starting to open up some old wounds, and it is becoming emotionally overwhelming. There are days I think this must be some kind of cosmic joke. I am glad I found this site and see there are others who are also going through the same thing, people who understand.
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grinch
I have not yet sought professional help. Kind of scared of what the results may be.
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SchmennaLeigh
Right now, as we are trying to conceive, I am nervous, scared, excited, happy, sad and angry all at the same time. :D
I think even people who are not birth parents go through the second guessing and the fear. Raising a child is a huge commitment, and we recognize the enormity of that because we have been so close to it. There comes a time when you just have to bite the bullet and jump in with both feet (enough cliches for ya? :)).
I understand the fear of losing your only chance at being a parent also. We think it should be easy - it was too easy to get pregnant before, right? None of us have ever had to try to conceive before. And when it turns out to be harder than we expected, even after only a month, the doubts start to creep in. And now I am examining my situation (4 months, no dice) and I realize that we are not truly making a concerted effort. In fact, we are (not exactly purposely) avoiding intimacy during the most likely times. And maybe this is subconsciously driven, by the fear of having another child. Perhaps when you examine your own situation, you will find something similar.
TTC on hold for now here anyways.
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[QUOTE=Ragnarok] And maybe this is subconsciously driven, by the fear of having another child. Perhaps when you examine your own situation, you will find something similar. I believe you may be on to something here. Perhaps it is a subcontious fear, something I never even considered before. I will take a step back and evaluate what is going on. Thank you for the thought, it may be what I was missing. I am so glad I found this site!:D
Grinch,Regarding your feelings on adoption, a counselor of mine recently challenged me to think about it this way:The pain a birthparent feels is not for YOUR sake. No birthparent wakes up one day and thinks, "I'm going to go through pain in order to make some family happy." Instead, they just want their child to be cared for, loved and provided with things they cannot provide at the time. Yes, that comes with pain. After being challenged to think that way, I sometimes (I say sometimes because I waiver) think that I could be an amazing adoptive parent because I would know the pain, the emotion, the loss, and be fully aware that the keeping of promises is so KEY to helping the birthparents through their own grief while simulatenously doing right by the child.As of right now, adoption is not an option that we would be ready to persue. We have only been trying for two months, now moving onto our third. My Husband, not my daughter's birthfather, is wary of adoption merely because he watched the pain that I went through and is dealing in his own way with that thought process. Brad, I know all too well about the feelings of doubt creeping in even after one month. It seems all too unreal at times.
grinch
[QUOTE=Ragnarok]
And maybe this is subconsciously driven, by the fear of having another child. Perhaps when you examine your own situation, you will find something similar.
I believe you may be on to something here. Perhaps it is a subcontious fear, something I never even considered before. I will take a step back and evaluate what is going on. Thank you for the thought, it may be what I was missing. I am so glad I found this site!:D
grinch,
After my bson was adopted (23 years ago) I reacted 'badly' and made a conscious decision not to have anymore children - I have since put it down to having an irrational fear of put through that again. It wasn't until I got married 11 years ago that I started to think rationally about having more children. Unfortunately I haven't conceived and we have gone through so many excuses from doctors why we don't qyualify for help until last September when we found a sympathetic doctor and we are know in the 'system' for first finding out what the problem is then decide what action to take.
Montravia :)
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[QUOTE=SchmennaLeigh]Grinch, Regarding your feelings on adoption, a counselor of mine recently challenged me to think about it this way: The pain a birthparent feels is not for YOUR sake. No birthparent wakes up one day and thinks, "I'm going to go through pain in order to make some family happy."
grinch,
What changed my mind about having another child was spending countless hours talking with my husband about exactly how I felt particularly feeling insecure about getting pregnant then being left to 'hold the baby'. Even after these years I still remember like it was yesterday the pressure I was put under by my parents to have my bson adopted. My husband has been a great support as he has sat through the anger and tears I have worked through so this went a long way to helping me change my mind.
Montravia :)