New Study Identifies Barriers to Adoption of Foster Children

I started the process when I was 27 or 28. And I heard, "but you are so young!" or "but you're single! how will you find a boyfriend?" more often than I care to remember. :rolleyes: When my daughter was finally placed in my home it was in an emergency basis (likely they couldn't find anyone else) what followed were two years of hell, no support, I was treated like the maid, hotel and driver, no say in anything, with the constant threat of loosing her looming over me. :mad: There is a happy ending though... 26 months after she was placed in my home she became officially my daughter. :D She used to roll her eyes and wonder if judges understood that children only have "so much patience" It was worth it, but I wouldn't do it again...

Thanks for posting! I hope that this study gets into the hands of policymakers who can truly institute new systems and procedures so that parents like yourself WOULD go through it again... willingly.

We are one of those struggling AA families with the idea of continung our process. Our home study is complete. All background and finger prints are back. I am a full time mom and husband works in the healthcare profession. We are begining to loose hope. Thanks for letting us know we are not alone.

Hi folks, this is my first post. Kudos to Nancy for sharing this report. I work with an adoptive families support group in the San Juan area, and we see all of that. We are already doing some of the mentoring/buddy stuff with prospective parents that contact us, and even some emotional triage when they come bruised after an insensitive contact with agency personnel. As I read the report I felt the researchers really picked our brains on this; their observations correlate with what preadoptive parents tell us, and their recomendations are right on target. Can't wait to share this in some way with local media and policymakers, so that those parents who follow us into the adoption experience will have it easier, and we can provide more available loving and safe homes for so many waiting and deserving children currently in foster care. You may visit us at [url="http://www.adoptando.com"]www.adoptando.com[/url] .

Thanks for posting. I recall, a couple of years ago, seeing a tv talk show with about 10 prospective adoptive couples - and much of the report could have come directly from their comments too. Congratulations to you and your group for offering the support many of these folks need and aren't finding elsewhere, and I wish you all the best in getting policymakers to take note. Please keep us posted! All best Nancy

debo, thanks for your post. Please don't lose hope! If you haven't found a local support group yet, I'd suggest doing so - these groups can provide advice and advocacy, as well as support. Best of luck to you! Nancy

My husband and I live in Wisconsin, but we fell in love with a little girl in another state posted on a photo-site and started proceedings to adopt her. We were in the middle of our home-study for a step-parent adoption ( he is adopting my 4 year old) and hired the same non-profit agency to do the inter-state adoption. 2 months into the process, we were informed by our agency that we could not adopt the child from another state because we needed to be married for at least 3 years- minimum- that's what the other state requires. I asked the social worker in the other state if they would consider the strength of our marriage and family and our knowledge as it relates to this childs special needs, and he said no- the rules are the rules. Ironically, if we had been single, divorced, or waited to get married until the day after one of us had adopted her, we could have been considered. Wisconsin requires that a couple be married for 1 year. We are now going through DHFS in Wisconsin. The saddest thing about this- I see that little girl's picture on the photo listings every day. We pray that God will send her a family. Should'nt there be some kind of general agreement nationwide on the qualifications for special needs adoption? Why is it harder to adopt in some states than in others, when the child is not moving to another country, just another state? And should'nt we, as a nation, be doing everything possible to provide stable homes for these children sooner, not later? It just seems crazy to me that we are approved to adopt by our home states DHFS, but another state will not accept that- it's not good enough for them.

We are right now in the middle of transitional visits for our second son. Although we are so grateful for the opporunity to grow our family in this wonderful way, the process has been difficult to say the least. Our first adoption was through a contract agency and it was totally different. They protected us from so much and supported us. This time we had no agency, went straight through children's services...it was like going to court without a lawyer. We had to fight, fight, fight...but not too much, because I felt like if I complained too much I would be considered "difficult." We had to wait almost six months for our fingerprints and then they almost lost the paperwork! I remember walking my dogs one day and just having tears in my eyes because I thought it would never happen for us. That day our paperwork was found and we were put on the books as an adoptive resource. And less than two months later we are the proud parents of our little boy! I urge everyone out there to be strong. It's a hard road, but the kids need you! It will happen for you! I wish is was easier...I think a lot of families get turned off and either stop the process or go elsewhere. But until then just try to be strong!

Can you please help me get some info? My husband was married in PR. They had two sons. They have been divorced for atleast 12 years. When I met him and started dating him his kids were like 2 and 4 yo. We think now they are between 14-16. The mother has kept them from the father. She remarried someone and when he was talking to her, her new husband made threats to him (the childrens father, my husband). He was sending child support @ the time but was told by the new husband that if he did not send more money he was going to kill him and then his kids. We offered several times to bring them to florida. We offered to pay for the whole trip she did not have to pay a penny. But she would not let them come. We got court papers about a year or so ago saying that she was looking to get him to court over child support. We had the papers translated and they said that he had to be in PR on this date (there was no date) and this time (there was no time listed). But we would really like for his boys to know he is still alive and wanting to see them and all without causing a big fight. But his divorce papers say they both get time with the kids (mind you he has not seen then in atleast 11+ years) because she will not let them come here. We have not had any contact with her or the kids in atleast 10 years. So we have no clue where she is or where the kids are. He is now remarried to me and we have 4 kids. Our kids dont really know about his kids being that our oldest is 7 they really are not old enought to understand all of that. I need someone to help us find them or find us some help to get in touch with them. I think all of us will have the fight of our lives if it comes down to her wanting him in court because I will just get ugly about her and the way she has treated her ex, my husband now. So you can bet your life that I know everything he was not divorced long before the two of us met. I was the one that was going to put up the money for them to come here. I have a good job he has been unable to work for sometime and while he was out of work we had two more kids and so he stayed home and raised our kids and I work 50 hours a week just to get us by. So there is not alot of money there to support his kids with her and keep a roof over our heads. Please help. My email address is sacco1@alltel.net. Respond to that and not this board I will never find it again..

I think one of the problems is that the tpr process takes wayyyy too long. Too many chances are given. 2 years is too long in the life of a young baby/ child. If parents haven't taken any steps or made any progress in 6 months, why would that change in 2 years, or more? We seriously considered leaving when our fson of 7 months (aged 4 months when he arrived) was sent to a family member who stated she didn't want him and she had serious health issues that were ignored by the judge. She didn't even visit for 5 (almost 6) months even though there were 2 visits a week scheduled for parents and interested family members. The girls we have now have been in foster care most of their lives, the baby has been in custody since birth. Parents have taken no steps on their treatment plans at all, not one. Yet, they still get weekly visits which confuses the girls. All the baby does is cry most of the visit and the older girl comes home confused. Yet, these parents get chance after chance. We have been lucky with our social workers, as they hae been open and informative. They return phone calls (most of the time) and keep us informed. Generally, I have a problem with the laws and how they are applied.

Nancy you are sooo correct when you say that the initial phone calls from prospective parents are unhelpful. We called and most numbers either were not answered, disconnected, or if we did get someone we were transferred to another unhelpful person. I would ask how we adopt through the state and the response was always, "You mean foster care" "No, we want to adopt" "You mean foster care" "No adoption" on and on. Then we finally went to the Children's Bureau meeting at our local library and were basically told "No infants, children with serious problems, will probably go back to the bio-parents, etc." So we said thank you for your time and went to China. The decision was the absolute best for our family. My son did not have to see any more children who could POSSIBLY be his new brother or sister (I held 2 babies and had to give them back) when we tried to adopt through a private agency, 10 leads that failed, and more money and travel trying to convince yet another woman and her family that we could be good parents. China was smooth and ethical. Their fees were reasonable and did not change on a whim. The timeline was predictable too. I wish it were different for our foster care kids because they are the ones who suffer the most. They flounder there waiting for bureaucratic red tape to be cut and it's just pathetic. My friend could not have her fson's hair cut without petitioning the court first! That's ridiculous! She finally did adopt him, but has not adopted again in 8 years and will NOT use foster care again and is planning on going international.

it really isn't true. I know of a child here locally, 4 1/2 was on a not very publised list for about 3 days and the case worker had over 130 inquiries of interest and this listed that b-dad was violent and in jail and b-mom had severe mental disorder.... People would like to adopt, but the system just caused soo many delay and makes it soo hard that many people walk away. I am not saying it should be really easy, but I am saying there should be a process where people see hope in it.