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I was just wondering what you all call your birthmom? Do you call her by her first name? Do you call her mom? I do think of her as my mother but there is someone else I call mom. It is so confusing having 2 moms. Plus, I don't like the whole birthmom title. Yes, she gave birth to me but at least for me she is so much more. Any thoughts would be appreciated!
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This is truly a tough question to answer. If I was to answer to question from my heart, I would want to call her mom because that is what she is, my mom. However, I have a very over sensitive amom who insists, even asked me to sign a piece of paper (while crying) stating that I would never call her mom. So for me at the present time I call her by her first name, but it is not my prefrence only my obligation. I have already told bmom how difficult this is for me being that I can call everybody else's mother, mom (which I do) if I chose to but the only person I can't call mom is my mother that gave birth to me. I have a hard time with this and hope in time it is allowed to become more natural.
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bored
This is truly a tough question to answer. If I was to answer to question from my heart, I would want to call her mom because that is what she is, my mom. However, I have a very over sensitive amom who insists, even asked me to sign a piece of paper (while crying) stating that I would never call her mom. So for me at the present time I call her by her first name, but it is not my prefrence only my obligation. I have already told bmom how difficult this is for me being that I can call everybody else's mother, mom (which I do) if I chose to but the only person I can't call mom is my mother that gave birth to me. I have a hard time with this and hope in time it is allowed to become more natural.
I know I dodge things with my a.mom ~ my b.mother only comes up in conversation only on occassion. I knew it had to be that way, as when we got home from meeting her for the 1st time & my mom asked "will you be seeing those people again?" ... I knew right there this would be a sticky subject. Bored ~ well I guess I don't know what to say. - Except, why does it all have to be so difficult?? Philippa ~ maybe my b.mom felt like you described, yesterday when I called her!? - when I called, she answered & I said "helloooo mom?? ...just trying it out!" We both laughed, she asked how it felt & I said "well it didn't kill me." So glad I can be at such ease with her. With my mom (adopted) the roles are pretty reversed now, I'm the one taking care of. I wouldn't trade this time - although it's always been a bumpy road for her & I. But at the same time, It is wonderful to know I have my b.mom to lean on for support. - Never in a million years would of thought this would happen. -Nancy
Nancy,
I don't envy you or other adoptees being in this position so still get back to my point that it is whatever you all feel most comfortable with. With my bson he knows that I consider his amum to be 'his mum' - oh how I hate putting amum as I feel that it is rubbing her nose in it. Incidently she went onto to have a baby after adopting him and they have both been treated the same so even more the reason to call her his mum. Even so I do like being called mum as well as it makes me feel so special.
Philippa :)
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Bored...I am sorry that you were asked to sign that paper...sort of like more emotional blackmail; not cool, not fair, very sad for all of you. I agree...many of my kids friends called me "mom",too...at work their are a few who refer to me that way...I know that I am not a threat to their parent moms, nevertheless, it's kind of an endearment/loving/respect thing. not necessarily meant that one is throwing out their other mother for a new one. Guess many amoms have a lot of hurts themselves that hinge on a word. While very sad, it's also unfair to project that onto their children...kind of keeps the secrecy thing going on a more discreet level...doesn't allow the joy to be fully experienced...like it's a tainted love...Just heard that song yesterday...tainted love, I think is the title...but that's what it becomes.
I call my birthmother by her first name, and am not at all uncomfortable with it. However, when I am speaking to my little brothers (her sons) about her, I call her mom so they don't get confused. There is a lot of complication in the relationship with my birthmother because she had just moved to a new neighborhood when I found her, so she never bothered to let any of her friends know that I was adopted. She gets angry when I call her by her first name in front of her neighbors. It's an akward situation.
TrishWeston
I call my birthmother by her first name, and am not at all uncomfortable with it. However, when I am speaking to my little brothers (her sons) about her, I call her mom so they don't get confused. There is a lot of complication in the relationship with my birthmother because she had just moved to a new neighborhood when I found her, so she never bothered to let any of her friends know that I was adopted. She gets angry when I call her by her first name in front of her neighbors. It's an akward situation.
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yes, 2 mom's is confusing... try 5!
I call my mom (one who adopted me), Mom. To others who know I have several mothers, I call her mom-mom.
I call my birthmom Jodimom. My father-in-law was the one who originated this, unbeknownst to him. He called one day and got me on the phone and said "Hi Steph, this is Tom. . . er, dad," so I call him tomdad most of the time. I had to start calling Jodi "jodimom" because I work with a Jody as well.
My step mom (as well as my mother-in-law) I call by their first names.
And now I'm about to have a stepmother-in-law. She'll be first name basis as well.
It's kinda fun to relate the story to others because they need a score card. Heck, my nuclear family went from 5 to 18 people in the span of about a year!
I'm not sure, since I do not know my bmom. But I would certainly not call her mom.
The reason is: Because she isn't. She has given away the right to be called mom by me, when handing me over to my aparents.
I do accept her decision. I do not blame her for it. I am totally at ease with my status, but the fact remains, that what I would call 'mom' is the person, that sat at my cradle, sang lullabies, comforted me, when I cried, talked to me, shared my thoughts and shared my life in a way a mother does.
If I met her, I think I would just go by her first name. Seems like the best solution to me.
Have a nice day!
[font=Verdana]Hi Smiling Cat, [/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]I go with you. I found my bmom at 42 so I was along way down the road. When I ask her when I first talked to her what she wanted me to call her she said mom, and I said no. [/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]She gave up that privilege 42 years ago. I did not say that to her, that is what went though my mind. I'm not noted for tact at times but I do have my better days [/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]I call her by here first name just like many kids call a step-parent. It works just fine. [/font][font=Verdana] [/font][font=Verdana]Joe [/font][font=Verdana][/font][font=Times New Roman] [/font]
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Just to satisfy my curiosity I looked up Mom/Mother in the dictionary. The definitions include: "female parent", "that which gives rise to something else", "treat as a mother does", and "give birth to".
I interpret that to mean both A and B moms are "moms" by title anyway.
OT but close, It never ocurred to me growing up to call my step-mom "mom", I always used her first name and she seemed fine with that
I hope when my daughter is old enough to understand she will feel comfortable calling her BirthMom now referred to as "Tracey-Mom", her mom too. My husband is so unhung up on words it could be either good or bad. When he refers to DD's mom he calls her her mom, calls me her mom too, says he believes we both are mom...