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These are my personal thoughts on what I would like to see for Openness within Adoption...... Maybe others Have some things to add.....
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From Now Forward:
First of All: I feel that Adoption Records in all states should be accessable by the Adult who was adopted when they come of age. And I would like to see these records include the RIGHT of birthfamilies and the Adult Child to LEAVE witin them any note or request for contact or not. This way when the Adult does look they know if the search and reunion will be one the birthfamily is really waiting for or not.
Second:At the time of placement all parties should be informed of the fact that the State Records will be open with the child is an adult. And all parties should be informed about the fact that contact messages and info may be placed in them at or just before the child is an adult.
Third:I think that any written agreement must contian language which will not come off or appear in anyway to make an adult feel as if they were a PRODUCT or Item that was exchanged for any reason at all other then the Love and Choice of all the parties involved.
Fourth:I personally feel that there should be a legal requirement made on the Adopting Family that insists on Truth and Honesty. To the point that the Adoptive Family will provide the child with age sensitive details about the origin of thier life. That NO child will grow up believing they are the biological child of the family that adopted them and that all children have the right to understand what adoption is....and how they came to be a part of the family.
Beyond this I feel that CERTIAN Relationship agreements are encouraged and welcome so long as only the Child's interest is served.
Birth and Adoptive Families should be encouraged to consider the Value of Open Relationships with each other when safety is Not a concern.
I believe that these Agreements should be legally binding for all the parties willing to come to said agreement and that the highest consideration should be the FACT that the ONLY party to the Agreement who does not have a voice is the Child.... Which would cause all members of this agreement to pause and consider the implications of the terms and the implications of any party breaching the agreement for any reason.
I feel that any and all Open Adoption Agreements must and should state the fact that the Legal Parents will at all times have the same rights as any other parent of any other child in thier home.
I believe that agreements for pitures, letters and updates should at all times be legally enforcable by either side. And that the courts should devise a system for justice should either party fail to meet the agreement.
I feel that personal Contact and visits should always be at the descreation of the legal parent as it is with any other person not living within the same household. That parents are not mandated to have visits with Grandparents and therefore should the parents need for any reason a delay or a pause this should be as acceptable as not having contact with any other person who does not live within the household.
I believe that families have the right to make desicions about who and when they will associate with people not part of the household and that families should not or may not always have just cause for not being forced to interact with non-household members. There can be a variety of reasons a family is isolated for a period of time and those reasons may or may not have anything to do with anyone who is not a part of the household. It should not be viewed as some kind of denial of rights to non-household members that a family may need a period of time to be alone... And the family should not have to disclose confidiential information in order to qualify for time to be alone.
I believe that honesty about a child's life origin, and pictures of biological family are important for many children. I believe that at the same time an Adoptive Family is required to provide pictures and updates so to should the biological family be required to provide pictures and updates.
I believe that no side of a childs life should be granted the right to edit or withhold such important facts as that a person has been adopted and has different genetic history, and what this geneitic history includes when it is known.
I believe the offspring of an adopted person should have the same right to access genetic history and the same rights to obtain informations as anyone else who is directly involved in the consequences of adoption has.
I believe the offspring of an adopted person should have the same right to information, pictures and hisortorical records as the adopted person does. And that upon the offspring becoming an adult that offspring should be granted access to the State records and permitted to make contact as well because this person is also as affected by adoption and has the same rights to geneitic history as any other person does.
Anna- If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now........... You TOTALLY ROCK!!!! :)
I love what you have written up and in an ideal world, adoptions would be handled this way. Thanks for posting your thoughts on this.......(((HUGS))) :D :D :D
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Anna, as I've been following the thread of the past few days that morphed into a *ahem* discussion on legally enforceable open adoptions, I've honed my views a little. And they really line up almost entirely with what you have written.
What Leigh wrote on that thread was very poignant about how a legal agreement might be limiting a relationship by following it to the letter, I'd like to add that stiffling the natural progression of a relationship by over-specifying in the agreement (such as visitation commitments, etc.) can be a recipe for disaster, too. If with the best of intentions adult parties enter into an agreement that cannot be upheld to the letter, due to life changes, personality clashes, whatever, in a perfect world the "adults" would renegotiate. We all know that the world isn't perfect, and adults aren't always adult in their actions. If things are following the agreement to the letter, they would be likely to at best feel resentment in the relationship, and at worst pitch it all.
I liken it to a pre-nup agreement ... the majority of couples about to get married feel that that's not a great idea because you're setting yourself up to expect failure. I know that's not entirely a parallel, since the pre-nup is the contingency for failure. But isn't specifying consequences for not upholding a visitation schedule in the legal agreement similar?
I absolutely agree what you stated about pictures, letters and updates being legally enforceable for both parties, aparents and bparents.
All that being said, I wholly support that open adoption expectations and provisions should be documented clearly and shared between adult parties. That would include visitation, travel, access, how birthfamily is named/referred to, gift giving protocols (e.g. with respect to other siblings), and any other expectations that are important to one or more parties. But when it comes to the legal enforcement, I do believe that bringing the legal system into intimate relationships can be a recipe for disaster.
I do believe that there should be legal provisions for anyone falsely representing themselves (there was an example given of an afamily immediately moving away from the birthfamily and not leaving a forwarding address). That should be considered fraud.
Have you ever considered public office? We could use someone lobbying for this type of common sense, in the best interest of the child regulation of adoption.
In regard to the enforcement of letters/pictures, it is indeed ethically deplorable that a family would agree and not follow through. I found the "keep your baby" website that was started because of bmoms that had endured this. Needless to say they are completely soured now about adoption and think every mother should keep their child, regardless of the situation. I think that families that break these agreements fo so for selfish reason and do not take into consideration the way that it will affect others.
Anna, I always love reading what you write. If you are still able to read threads here, please keep up the good writing and making a difference by educating people.
I have an open adoption and the family is not responding to me at all, they didnt even tell me they got a divorce! I am totally lost as to what to do?! My son is going to be 10 years old. I just am so angry and confused.
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